I eat ice creams from the bottom of the cone to the top.

Reading all these posts and being reminded that we are all more similar to each other than we think, regardless of whatever group each of us may belong to.

Smoking a cigarette on the toilet and then accidentally ashing directly into your panties. Everytime.

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

Pick giant boogers and eat them.

I sometimes feel the desire to grab something fragile and - not out of anger, just because it would be funny - hurl it across the room to watch it explode.

When alone and listening to music I pretend that I am the artist and dance around the room like its the music video or I am on stage.

when baking cookies I eat waaayyy too much of the dough, to the point that I don't even want any of the cookies when I am finished baking them.

Wondering who would cry at your funeral

fart

i feel relived after i prick and see that hard-white thinggy that oozes outside my annoying acne.

when i take a shit and smoke i dont throw the cigar in the wc so the smoke wont come to my nose

Have a dream about somebody being mean to me. Proceed to be mean to them in real life.

When I have a good dream I can't remember it the day after, but I can remember another dream I had a year ago.

trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

I have an unhealthy obsession with and so always talk about Penge North Korea beige mauve and medium density fiberboard. This explains why I'm such a popular guy

repeat what you just said 2 seconds ago in a group conversation thinking no one heard you

fart and talk thinking it will cover the smell

I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

when no one is home I grab my sisters boobs she has big ones I mean it.

Constantly looking up at a Facebook tab while on another tab to see if you have any notifications or messages.

I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

wipe your hands on your pants

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.