brush the dandruff from my eyebrows

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whenever you walk into the bathroom with your phone/laptop/electronic device you stay sitting on the toilet even though you are done because you are so engaged with whatever you are doing

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I always try to play it cool and act like it’s no big deal. But I always have a mini anxiety attack before actually stepping onto a moving escalator. It is a task trying to time my step perfectly where my foot isn’t hanging off a step and I have to hurry my second foot on there isn’t an awdward space of steps between my feet. -Ikka

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When I walk from one room to the next, I make believe that the room I just left exploded, and that I made it out just in time.

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When I look at a digital clock, i try to rearrange the number to make them a math equation

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <<

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Putting your bra on your dogs dead

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

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spank it during my commute if I am in traffic

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When you accidentally like get something on your hand so you go to wash it off but feel compelled to wash your other hand too even if it's not dirty

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sometimes i close my eyes and i rub them to see psychedelic drawings

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While washing your hair in the shower, having the weird fear of opening your eyes to see something staring at you.

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Wake up, unnaturally hungry, make meal fit for a king.

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When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

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Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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When you trip when your walking you try to play it off like you wanted to start running

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when you get a runny nose suddenly checks for blood oh good its clear

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Having a dream where I am in a sex Ed class and instead of looking at slides experiencing everything firsthand

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When in the shower, try to cross your arms and keep them as high up to your head as you can. Fill them with water and drink from it.

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When I see a typo ANYWHERE, I feel compelled to correct it, even if there is no possible way for me to correct it

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after brushing my teeth I chew on the granules that are on my teeth

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Take a side of bacon and jack off watching Babe.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.