Repeat the phrase "you too" after a comment someone makes that does not apply. Bob: happy birthday Jim Jim: you too bob. Awwww sh!t.

I scrape the scum off my teeth with my fingernail and then I eat it.

Finally understand the meaning of a song i used to like as a child....... Im a Barbie girl in a Barbie world-Noel

cussing someone out on a video game only to realize that your mic is off

When I'm opening my locker lock, I try to beat the person next to me.

When i'm done sleeping, I wake up.

I get mad at characters on tv and i shoot the screen with my Nerf gun

Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

Count how long it takes before you stop peeing.

When I first start dating or seeing someone I write down options for conversation starters before I phone them in case it goes silent.

When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

"Oh, that was a messed up thought, probably shouldn't think about it again or something worse because---GODDAMN IT."

Going to the very last pages of "Things you think you only do" with the lowest ratings and realizing that they really are the only ones who do that stuff...

Become paranoid that this is not the real world, and instead is some coma induced dream.

If I'm walking with or behind someone I always match their footsteps

I'll sing nice and loud in the shower and wonder why I haven't come out with an album yet

Only use the left earphone.

When you cringe as you walk out of a store because you're paranoid the door will beep...

When ever my boyfriend doesn't reply to a text for a few hours I always imagine a worse case scenario and end up crying hystaricaly.

Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

When people are whispering you think they are saying bad things

clean my ears with finger if they feel dirty...eat it.

when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.