Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

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Guessing how many people are listening to the same song at the same moment as you

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Absentmindedly rub your stomach while lying down watching or reading.

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Having the tv on always, just for background noise. Doesn't work with a computer/laptop, must be the tv.

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I use my magic powers to give shaddy politicians their comeuppance (I don't have any magic powers lol)

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Put my hands together the 'other' way

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fist myself to the point of unconsciousness whilst masturbating to the speeches of Hitler

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I gotta get down of Friday

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I wonder what a baby is saying when they are telling you off?

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Put toilet paper in the toilet before I'm going to take a shit, so that the toilet won't get dirty.

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draw the sun at the corner of the page

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k. everyone

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Spinning around to get dizzy, then spinning the other way to try and undo it.

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Everytime I have ear buds in and I hear myself breathing, I think others can hear it too so I slow my breathing or hold my breath.

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Sometimes when walking, accidently fart and then try to squeak my to sound like my shoes squeaked instead of me farting.

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Laying or sitting down in a really comfy position, then getting up to do something, and when you come back you can't figure out the position you just had.

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play Simpsons episodes in my head...way too often

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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When I was a little kid and something scared me (i.e. feel like being watched when I walked through the forest in the dark) I began to sing... and then I felt somehow protected. Weird, isn`t it?

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as soon as i put some mint gum in my mouth, i sneeze countless times.

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The girl I like has just managed to transfer her consciousness into my mind, now being to hear my every thought and see everything I do. Just. Act. Cool.

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Blow on your ice cream for no apparent reason before you eat it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.