when I'm walking i always try to step over the cracks with the same foot every time

thumb_up thumb_down -76

I count how many steps it takes to cross a section of sidewalk, and will continue taking the same amount of steps until I realize it.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Drop something down the side of the couch, say that you'll get it in a minute and then forget about it

thumb_up thumb_down -9

pinch your nostrils in between your finger and thumb and rub them back and forth in order to smell the inside of your nose.

thumb_up thumb_down -92

imagine a bunch of girls are watching you at home, so you don't look like a dumbass

thumb_up thumb_down -62

if im somewhere and say i get a itchy ass,i would say to a friend whilst sctatching " i have the itchyist but whole in the world right now" jokingly. but then think to myself, i wonder if there is someone in the world right now at the same time as me who has actually got a itchyer butt lol

thumb_up thumb_down -101

You try to tell a joke to impress everyone and then you mess it up.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

I wonder sometimes if I've ever met my future self.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I always save a bite of my favorite food for last so that is the taste I have in my mouth when the meal is over.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,696

When I'm in the shower I act like I'm filming a music video.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Reading a book and making the facial expressions it describes.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

thumb_up thumb_down -83

you spread your cheeks apart when you sit on the the tolet so that your poop does not touch your cheaks

thumb_up thumb_down

Sometimes I lie in bed and wonder what the house would look like upside down.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Think you're breathing way too loud when your headphones are turned up

thumb_up thumb_down -111

I wet toilet paper before I use it to wipe.

thumb_up thumb_down +2,013

Reach my hand inside the room to turn the light on before I go in.

thumb_up thumb_down +2,502

Try to balance the light switch between on and off.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,876

Sitting next to a banana called James

thumb_up thumb_down -48

smell your socks cause you like the smell of your own sweat

thumb_up thumb_down +2,731

pee in my pants on purpose for the fun of it

thumb_up thumb_down +921

pull the poo out of my butt when im too impatient to push it out

thumb_up thumb_down +1,570

When leaving your basement, become increasingly conscious of how you are scared of something getting you. SPRINT UP STAIRS.

thumb_up thumb_down +2,503

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.