Open the microwave at 1 second left to pretend you're on a bomb squad.

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I sometime's wonder if other people can see and feel everything I can but are just in my body too judge me.

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Sometimes I become paranoid that the ceiling is going to randomly come crashing down and kill me.

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When the wind is blowing like crazy, I pretend I am the god who controls it.

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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When I was younger I used to think that Red bull was a drink that really did give you wings like they show in the commercials

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Say ow when I bang something I'm caring into something, even though I didn't get hurt at all. -B

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Turn on Fox News and wonder if I'm watching a bad comedy routine or news reporting.

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When i was a kid. I really dont care about the story of any animated film. As long as im watching it.

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Going to the very last pages of "Things you think you only do" with the lowest ratings and realizing that they really are the only ones who do that stuff...

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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(2) When listening to someone I maintain eye contact, but don't actually hear a word they say, just thinking about the eye contact...

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When I'm walking I pretend that I'm staying in the same place and moving the world beneath me.

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Handing something to a friend or someone and all you can think is "...I've fapped with that hand. And they know I have" even though you clean up after you feel like your jizz is gonna be on what you gave them and theyll find out amd think you're disgusting.

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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Burp, and then automatically say burp afterwards.

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Check the toilet paper after every wipe.

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Get my belt loop caught on the door handle,

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trip over nothing. break into spontaneous dancing.

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I want to trade bodies and thought processes with my crush, so we could understand each other better.

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Spending the night at someone's house and waking up and thinking your at your house then realizing your not

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Throw mini celabration of clock says 11:11, 9:11 or anything ending in :00

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I type out something I think is funny, then wonder if people will think I'm weird and erase it.

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Think of the best come-backs ever, a few seconds after the time to use them would be.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.