sneeze without closing my eyes

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you turn the dial on your microwave until it reaches as far as it can go

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If I'm walking with or behind someone I always match their footsteps

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Eat everything inside my burgers first then i eat the buns.

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When I'm in the shower, I'm afraid something might try to kill me so I shower with my glasses on.

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Thinking epic thoughts like "Man, had a great workout today" just in case someone is reading my mind.

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I rape small children ;).

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worry about other people hearing you pee when your in the bathroom.

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Hum up and down in pitch because it makes LED displays dance around.

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ask my dog questions then realize, she can't talk...

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Think about things I should be doing with my life.

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get so shitfaced you wake up in a closet with piss everywhere

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working out escape routes for each room in your house when you're alone, just in case

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For some reason, I smile whenever I'm telling someone bad news or a sad story. I always try to not smile, but it doesn't work and I feel like a terrible person.

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turn off the alarm clock one minute before its goes off when you wake up in the morning

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I talk to my pet when no one is home.

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I sometimes put posts not just of things I do but also of things I know other people do

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rub the underside of your ear lobe to smell the odd smell.

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Put things in the front of the dishwasher 1st cause im to lazy to pull the whole thing out to put anything in the back or the right place.

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Accidentally try to downloade PC software on your mac.

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I sometimes see or think of words and pronounce them differently. ie. Garbage, gar-bah-ge ("ge" like a vibration sound), Target, tar-jhay

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When boarding the escalator, I select a specific step before getting on causing a slight queue.

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When taking a dump in a public restroom, if someone else walks in, I wait until they leave the restroom before finishing up and leaving the stall, just to make sure they don't see who I am.

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Why are the rich so friggin unhappy?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.