Realizing that I can just yell out the word "Fuck!" and no one can stop me.

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When I am making toast I spread the butter or jam with a spoon

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Sometimes when someone says something to me, I will hear them perfectly clear, but I will instinctively say "what?"

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think something you shouldn't, then stop thinking it, because someone might read your mind

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Pull your headphones away from your ear when you're listening to music to see if it's too loud.

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hate Justin Bieber

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When I pee if there is already some toilet paper there I try to sink it with my pee.

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when making thing only you think you do you never read the terms of service

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If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

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listen to madonnas new album

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Make a weird face when taking a picture with a friend, never see the picture, so you try to remake the face you did in a mirror to see how stupid you looked...

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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When I forget to brush my teeth, scrape off the plaque on my teeth with my fingernail.

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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Dad, what's that dark place over there? That's Chorley son, you must never go there.

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Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

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I make weird crazy faces at myself in the mirror whenever I leave the bathroom.

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When you were in elementary school you thought people laughed at Uranus because it sounds kinda like urine and then wondered why it was so funny; the two only sound remotely alike.

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you spread your cheeks apart when you sit on the the tolet so that your poop does not touch your cheaks

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Be talking to someone about something random, then a few days later or so... something very relevant to that happens, then you think to yourself "I'm sure I can tell the future"... I'm very confident that, that is just me...

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

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eating a sandwich with strategically placed bites such that i get the same ratio of crust to tastier non-crust sandwich center in each bite. sometimes i just take two smaller bites of crust and center part so that i don't have to taste mostly bread crust in a mouthful.

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get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.