when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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Get excited when the captcha says something related to whatever you're posting

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Having to step on snails to hear the crunch

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I HATE minecraft gift codes and the morons who post about them. I wish those morons would get off my planet.

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When you accidentally mess up a password, delete the entire thing and redo it since you don't know which part you messed up.

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Hatch an escape plan as soon as my date starts to complain about anything.

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poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

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imagine squeezing your bladder in your hand when your peeing.

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Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

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I like to poo while smoking.

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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When I first start dating or seeing someone I write down options for conversation starters before I phone them in case it goes silent.

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After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

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Hang something small in front of the webcam, in case someone is secretly watching me.

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Suck up stuff with the vacuum you know you shouldn't because your too lazy to pick it up.

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Delete the whole password when I mess up only the one letter.

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Turn the fan and/or sink on in the bathroom to drown out the noise from masturbating.

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When I'm reading a story in English class or a book in general but I'm tired while doing so and I'm reading on down the page, if I read a sentence and miss a word or mispronounce a word I MUST go back and re read the entire sentence until I have read it correctly or I feel very weird and panicked.

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When I am at amusement parks I look and determine which guys I could beat up and which I couldn't.

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I kick my shoes off, sending them flying to various parts of the room. I then pick them up and place them neatly beside each other

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Trying to take the same number of steps in a block of sidewalk while you're walking.

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Pretend to listen to music, but just do it so nobody talks to me or i simply just ignore them.

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Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

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use the shower water running of my arms and hands to shoot off random hairs inside the shower

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.