when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

Get excited when the captcha says something related to whatever you're posting

Having to step on snails to hear the crunch

I HATE minecraft gift codes and the morons who post about them. I wish those morons would get off my planet.

When you accidentally mess up a password, delete the entire thing and redo it since you don't know which part you messed up.

Hatch an escape plan as soon as my date starts to complain about anything.

poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

imagine squeezing your bladder in your hand when your peeing.

Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

I like to poo while smoking.

When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

When I first start dating or seeing someone I write down options for conversation starters before I phone them in case it goes silent.

After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

Hang something small in front of the webcam, in case someone is secretly watching me.

Suck up stuff with the vacuum you know you shouldn't because your too lazy to pick it up.

Delete the whole password when I mess up only the one letter.

Turn the fan and/or sink on in the bathroom to drown out the noise from masturbating.

When I'm reading a story in English class or a book in general but I'm tired while doing so and I'm reading on down the page, if I read a sentence and miss a word or mispronounce a word I MUST go back and re read the entire sentence until I have read it correctly or I feel very weird and panicked.

When I am at amusement parks I look and determine which guys I could beat up and which I couldn't.

I kick my shoes off, sending them flying to various parts of the room. I then pick them up and place them neatly beside each other

Trying to take the same number of steps in a block of sidewalk while you're walking.

Pretend to listen to music, but just do it so nobody talks to me or i simply just ignore them.

Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

use the shower water running of my arms and hands to shoot off random hairs inside the shower

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.