I type out something I think is funny, then wonder if people will think I'm weird and erase it.

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I can't help but wonder why people write things on web sites and don't bother checking their spelling. Now they look like an idiot no matter how funny or interesting it might have been.

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Drink out the carton (your whole family prob does it)

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i feel relived after i prick and see that hard-white thinggy that oozes outside my annoying acne.

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I wonder if we're actually just dolls and are being controlled by some little girl in her little doll house ....

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suck my own penis

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When you get lost while driving, the first thing you do is turn down the radio.

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I apologize, when i bump against things.

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When I haven't looked in a mirror for a while, I worry that I look awful, and when I get to a mirror, I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what I look like".

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Open the fridge, nothing there, close fridge, open again just to make sure nothing has magically appeared

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I can't drink while I'm walking I have to stop.

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When I sneeze I hold my balls ( only when Im alone)

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Mentally preparing yourself to step on a crunchy-looking leaf, only to discover it is in fact soggy, soft and unsatisfactory.

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Before i go to sleep, i imagine all the things i would like to happen in the future, and hoping it comes true or ill dream of it

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When walking around a slightly empty store, I walk around and pretend I'm a spy, trying not to be seen.

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Drying yourself after the shower with a towl, wiping your ass dry and beeing scared when you dry other parts of your body you dont use the same part of the towl.

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When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

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Secretly open a packet of something or spray some deodorant in a shop to check what it looks/feels/smells like. Then put it back and pick up the one behind because you just used/opened the one you were just holding.

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When home alone, I put cans in front of the door so if someone breaks in, I wake up.

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Pick my nose with my elbow, that way I keep my nails clean.

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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I don't cut a conversation on the phone short just because I have to use the "facilities". I've mastered the art of being as far away from the toilet while flushing and sprinting out of the bathroom.

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When the vacuum cleaner's going, I try to stay as far away from it and block the noise by shutting doors.

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When riding in a car I pump my arms to pretend I'm running at an incredible rate.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.