Being fat

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I seriously contemplate what my theme song would be. I imagine it would have no words and a slight Mission Impossible influence.

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I very carefully smell what I'm about to eat before I eat it, but I'd most likely eat it, even if I hadn't smelled it first.

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Breathe.

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Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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After texting someone, check your phone repeatedly to see if they responded

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Every time i get a new video game i read the back of the case and the pamphlet the whole ride home

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On a calendar search for the picture on your birthday month

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I act as though I've had movie cameras placed in my eyes and a bunch of people will watch my life as a movie at some point. And so I do a narration voice for them.

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If I have a black surface I scratch my dandruff onto and make a dandruff galaxy.

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I pretend that someone can see through my eyes whenever I'm doing something cool, i guess so they think I'm cooler or something.

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Rapidly click the mouse when your computer is frozen, even though you know it won't do anything to help whatsoever.

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I actually get stuck watching those rediculous infomercials late at night... Yeah - you're not alone. But no, I don't buy anything either... Lol.

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I say my first name every night before I go to sleep because I want it to be the last thing I say before I die.

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Sometimes I imagine how everyone would react if I died.

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I pass by closed doors quickly and at least as far away as the door seems like it can open, because I always feel like someone's going to burst out, hitting me in the face with the door.

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When looking for something you need, just walk in circles around the house until it appears.

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When I'm eating cereal, if some of the cereal gets stuck on the inside of the bowl above the rest I use the side of my spoon to push it down back into the milk.

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When i take off my watch before i go to sleep i smell my wrist.

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I like to say really offensive and/and racist words when I'm on my own and no one can hear me. It just feels good to say things that I'm not allowed to.

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I talk excessively loud in public sometimes so people can hear my opinions. I'm just hoping someone's eavesdropping because I like the fact that they might agree with me and that they get to see a little bit of who I am. I don't even know these people.

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Say "ow" when I drop something or before I get hurt

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Every time I see my self in a mirror, I feel like I'm watching someone in a different dimension and make quick movements to see if they mess up.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.