I act as though I've had movie cameras placed in my eyes and a bunch of people will watch my life as a movie at some point. And so I do a narration voice for them.

thumb_up thumb_down +158

Whenever I drop food on the floor I get my dog to come clean it for me

thumb_up thumb_down -13

think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

thumb_up thumb_down -21

I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

singing along to a song that you think you know the words to.. but you dont

thumb_up thumb_down +15

I will look up the definition of a word in a text message before I use it just incase I'm using it in the wrong context.

thumb_up thumb_down +412

laziness .... its all in the mind

thumb_up thumb_down -75

When you are speaking to someone with a distinct accent and suddenly take on the accent as your own when responding. - Missy Chemick

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Touching that door knob three times before opening the door.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Do sex sensations feel exactly the same for the opposite sex.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Mix up "I'm starving," "I'm freezing," and "I have to pee," in my head, and then say them out loud the wrong way, in times of extreme starving/freezing/needing-to-pee desperation.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Looking outside the window and imagining a huge explosion destroy everything and then u surviving and trying to find a way to survive

thumb_up thumb_down -53

listening to music and not realizing ur favorite song is on until the last word

thumb_up thumb_down -72

Look at the clock, then instantly forget what time it is and look again.

thumb_up thumb_down +286

worry about your eyebrows sneaking their way up and making wrinkles on your forehead

thumb_up thumb_down -79

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

thumb_up thumb_down -111

push a fart out really slow so you think nobody will hear it

thumb_up thumb_down +23

KICK THE CAN

thumb_up thumb_down -23

When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

thumb_up thumb_down -113

When I'm home alone at night, and the lights are on so you can't see anything out the windows, I will stop randomly and stare out the window to make anyone watching me think I know that they are there.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Think about awesome stuff that you could do (e.g beating up someone who steals your gf's purse or something) when listening to music

thumb_up thumb_down +10

I get angry when people use question marks where they don't belong. QUESTION marks are for QUESTIONS. Not statements or opinions >:( "But whatever I don't care I mean that's your opinion?" X FFFUU- "But whatever I don't care I mean that's your opinion." ?

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Smoking in the shower.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.