You try to tell a joke to impress everyone and then you mess it up.

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Reading a book and making the facial expressions it describes.

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Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

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Whenever I go to a new place, I look around and carefully plan my escape route in case of zombies.

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I eat something and read book/newspaper/magazine at the same time. Then i take food crumbs off the book and eat them too.

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I look at this site and wonder if the thumbs up are all from people who actually do the same thing, or just people who like that or think it's a funny thing to do.

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trying to look cool when you're driving past other cars.

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I like to food shop between midnight and 5 am

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When your best friend has a certain make/model/color car, you start seeing it everywhere you go.

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When home alone, I put cans in front of the door so if someone breaks in, I wake up.

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I like to have a picture of my crush on my computer screen, and will walk around a room while he 'looks at me'.

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Pick my scabs off and then lick the blood off.

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I scold or point at my electronics and tell them "No, bad!" whenever I push the wrong button or shut them off on accident.

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Going to a friends house for the weekend, coming home and checking the fridge/pantry for new foods.

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accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

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I can only play a piano with my right hand

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Waiting alone inside a public toilet for someone to come in and open the door.... so you don't have to touch the handle!

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Agree with someones ridiculous political opinion just to avoid an argument.

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when you are waiting for something to load, you go "please,please,pleas,please,please,please...." and the when it finally finishes you yell "YES!" OF COURSE, ONLY WHEN YOUR ALONE.

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RAPE CHILDREN

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When I am at amusement parks I look and determine which guys I could beat up and which I couldn't.

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Go up/down the stairs in 10 steps exactly. Talk to an imaginary girlfriend when I'm guilty of something, and she helps me out and holds me till I fall asleep.

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in my mind, traffic cones are called VLC.

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Try to make a sound described in a book or text (like a gasp or a gargle)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.