Point your finger to the sky When your favorite comes on in the club or on the radio

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I like to poo while smoking.

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Pee in a glass and pour it down the sink, if someone is using the bathroom already.

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Tear up when I poop

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Closed the door to the refrigerator super slow, just to watch the light turn off.

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I prefer to masturbate by putting a fleshlight under my stuffed-toy smurfette's dress and pretend to smurf her.

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Suppress a sneeze and then walk around unsatisfied.

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Text random people saying I'm pregnant

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smell your socks cause you like the smell of your own sweat

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When I'm in a place with two different colored tiles, I only step on the colored ones and pretend the white ones are lava or off-limits.

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When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

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Aim at shit stains whilst I pee.

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I like to watch lava lamps heat up

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When in a public bathroom and others are in there, pretend to fix your clothes/hair until everyone has left before you use it.

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Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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thinking that everybody in the world (except me) has a device which shows them what i am doing, watching and makes them feel what i am feeling

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fart and talk thinking it will cover the smell

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wonder y nobody facebook likes or comments on these

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When I look at a digital clock, i try to rearrange the number to make them a math equation

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When I hear a sound that I don't know what is, while I'm in an unfamiliar place, I wipe off and then touch as many surfaces as possible. It makes me think that if I'm taken by some scary person, my fingerprints will be easily found. I'm not sure why that would help in many cases, but it makes me feel better.

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"Oh, that was a messed up thought, probably shouldn't think about it again or something worse because---GODDAMN IT."

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im going to kill that person and get away with it

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Stay up late on the weekdays and go to bed early on the weekends ..... What is wrong with me?

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.