When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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Enjoy picking off scabs, thick skin around your nails, your nails, or the thick peeling skin left from a blister. Admit it, you love it.

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Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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I'll sing nice and loud in the shower and wonder why I haven't come out with an album yet

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Stare off into space in the middle of a conversation

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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While in the shower, after ive used soap and stuff i turn the water to cold and i pretend im on fear factor and close my eyes so i cannot see what i am trying to get while crawling through freezing cold water

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Sometimes I see on the clock, the seconds needle go back 1 second and then never do that again for the rest of the day/week or whenever I'm staring at the clock for it to happen again. -Mike

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I feel like I'm superman every time I run by the counter in the kitchen and the papers on it go flying off.

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In the summer when it's hot, I bring a fan into the bathroom when I take a crap.

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I gotta get down of Friday

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I read these not only for fun, but to feel in touch with my humanity.

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Counting down on a digital clock, trying to say "0" just as the time changes.

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At night when alone in my bed...I sometimes pretend like I got hit by a car or something, and my loved one is there with me...and I act out my last words...and how I would act. I've done this occasionally since I was 5. With different scenario's. Schmee

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Being in the car and wondering if your parents can read your mind so you think "If you can here me cough in 3, 2, 1..." Sometimes my dad actually does it and he looks back at me and smiles. .-.

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When you are in a car and a sad song comes on look out the window and pretend you are in a movie.

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Whenever I get sweaty I put baby powder around my groin area and under arms. Ramos

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whenever i'm talking about someone, i constantly check my phone to make sure i haven't butt-dialed them and they're listening to everything i'm saying about them!

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i always wipe the ketchup off my face with the bread of my sandwich

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.