i draw pictures of pokemon on comments (\____/) (??????)

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While peeing, I will sometimes flush the toilet mid-stream and see if I can finish before it flushes all the way.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Somethings thinking: O God, I love this world.

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Touching that door knob three times before opening the door.

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Smelling food to see if its spicy.

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My hoodie/jacket strings HAVE to be equal in length, or I pull them then restretch the hood out to make them even.

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think that your whole life is just a dream and that you're going to wake up someday

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Pretending I'm in a phone call when I don't want someone to talk to me.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Laughing at a joke that you dont think is funny but everybody else does

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Point your finger to the sky When your favorite comes on in the club or on the radio

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eating a sandwich with strategically placed bites such that i get the same ratio of crust to tastier non-crust sandwich center in each bite. sometimes i just take two smaller bites of crust and center part so that i don't have to taste mostly bread crust in a mouthful.

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Whenever I go to close the door to my room, I give the wall opposite me a hard, intimidating stare just in case an invisible person was watching me.

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If I am waiting on someone and they are late, I start mentally listing their faults, flaws and mistakes but feel kind of bad for doing it when they finally show up.

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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Count the amount of birthday wishes on your facebook page, and compare it to other friends birthdays.

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Enjoy picking off scabs, thick skin around your nails, your nails, or the thick peeling skin left from a blister. Admit it, you love it.

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Make pictures on the bathtub wall using the clump of hair from the shower drain.

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text somebody something and if they don't reply quickly, resend that same text.

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I have to look at myself in multiple mirrors before I leave my apartment. Sometimes if I'm alone, I'll walk back and forth between 2 or 3 mirrors about 25 times before I'm content to leave.

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I flip the pillow at night to feel the cool sensation.

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I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.