When ever a door is about to close I always try to put my hand between the door and stop it, but it gets to small and I get scared.

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Sometimes I unintentionally mouth the words being spoken on TV.

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Pretend that when you are in the shower, the shower head is a giant machine gun, that takes thousands of men to operate, and that you were an extremely large person and you catch ALL of the bullets in your mouth, spitting them at the shower head while at the same time turning off the water as if they all died, and the small drips that continue to drop out were the dead soldires' blood.....-dillon

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suck my own penis

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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Write a post and then find that someone else has already said it, but in a different way...wtf I'm really annoyed. And they have more likes too.

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Sometimes I toot.

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Fart after someone else farts sop that no one will know you did too.

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I sometimes put posts not just of things I do but also of things I know other people do

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Say "what?" when you know what they said, then answer before they can respond. I do it because it takes me a second to figure out what they said and so my immediate response it "what?".

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Try having a conversation with your friends parents but keep saying yeah the whole time

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Feel like you're the only one pressured into giving gum away by your friends.

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I tend to ignore phone calls, even when I know the phone call could be important.

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I'm not a pessimist I'm a realist.

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When no one's at home, the house turns into an action movie set. Going to my room turns into sprinting up the stairs and purposely stumbling to give the effect that bombs are going off. And always make it to the room in time to hop on the last helicopter out of the jungle.

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when I go shopping I go in the store, get what I need and then I leave I don't browse.

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Find that the kettle has recently been used and still contains hot water so decide to have a cup of tea just so that boiling that water wasn't a waste. Think that it might have cooled down by now. Reboil the water.

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I apologize, when i bump against things.

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You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

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I wonder what would happen if time froze and only I could move. I think about all the things I could do.

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wonder y nobody facebook likes or comments on these

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See how fast and accurate i can use the fast forward on my dvr and applaud myself when i go full speed and stop 2 seconds before the show is back on.

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look at bins as i walk past them

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.