Live in a house my whole life and still not know what switch does which

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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if someone posts something disgusting but true on this same site, rethink pressing the "thumbs up" button out of embaressment.

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(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

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I sometimes look at a guy and wonder how big their dick is.

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Think of something to post but cant put it into words.

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Not buying a product you might have otherwise been interested in simply because you think their TV ad is stupid.

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When I eat potato chips, I lick each side to make sure the really salty part is down.

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Left alone Big noise, people aren't expected back as soon so grab baseball bat and charge only to find them back early...."what you doing?" "batting my socks around practising my baseball skills"

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When boarding the escalator, I select a specific step before getting on causing a slight queue.

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I sometime's wonder if other people can see and feel everything I can but are just in my body too judge me.

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In school look at the wall or something and feel like only a few seconds has gone by but really thirty minutes has

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I plant my feet firmly when the subway approaches in case a random stranger tries to kill me by pushing me in front of the train.

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Shutting the fridge door slowly just to see the light shut off.

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When I'm in the shower I act like I'm filming a music video.

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I keep thinking a thing is about to fall from the table even though it's not close to the edge

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When I'm walking on a sidewalk, I try to step on each tile an even amount of times.

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Go up stairs two steps at a time. Avoid those stairs forever if there are an odd number and I have to end in a single step.

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Before i go to sleep, i imagine all the things i would like to happen in the future, and hoping it comes true or ill dream of it

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when im alone i pretend to sniper zombies out my bedroom window

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When alone in a public restroom, after using the toilet I kick the lever and run away out of fear that it will splash on me.

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When riding in a vehicle at night, where the stars are visible, I feel like they're racing.

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Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

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Never eat curry before school otherwise you will have a massive poo

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.