log out of any social network sites so that when im on a website it doesnt somehow send messages to my profile

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Hide important things in places at home but forget later where you hid them.

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I'm 30, but to this day I still have fantasies about rescuing the girl that I'm secretly in love with from a dangerous situation. The fantasies get increasingly ridiculous, sometimes they even involve superhero stuff. It's as if my own mind was trying to let me know that I should grow the f*** up.

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Post on this website, then give yourself the first thumbs up to kick-start your success.

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Eat something to pass the time while I wait for my food in the microwave to be cooked.

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When there are multiple puddles on the sidewalk you try and jump in every single one of them

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I have dreams that I am really rich and wake up to be thankful for my life just the way it is

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When I am driving and I see another car being pulled over I think "Oh, so I am not the only one"

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Look at my poo before I flush it.

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Everytime I get new magazines or brochures in the mail I like to open them and smell them. Same with new electronics, I love that new smell.

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when you pick up something you think is going to be heavy and its like you suddenly have super strength

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use my phone as an alarm clock for waking up. but sets the time in PM instead of AM.

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When I am in a car i always think there is massive swords coming out the edge of the car and make everything the same length up

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Have deja vu while talking to someone and then stop listening to what they are saying for a few seconds till the feeling passes, then nod like you have been listening the whole time.

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Spending the night at someone's house and waking up and thinking your at your house then realizing your not

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fart and talk thinking it will cover the smell

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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Bored. Open refrigerator. Nothing to eat. Open it again five minutes later.

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Press harder on the remote when I know the batteries are dead.

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Watch 30 seconds of a commercial break only to realize it's dvr'd and I could be fast forwarding it.

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Likes that girggle sound you make after a burp.

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start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.