only read the short jokes on this website

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Laugh quietly to myself in public then cough to make the laugh seem like a it was a cough so people won't think I'm weird.

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Sometimes, I ask myself philosophical questions. The one that is bugging me now is "If reincarnation is real, why is this life so vivid?"

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Pick my nose with my elbow, that way I keep my nails clean.

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When I walk the streets after getting a new haircut, I think everybody's staring at me and thinking "oh my god she got a new haircut" eventhough they didn't know me before.

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Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

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After watching a movie, always walk out the theatre feeling like a total bad ass

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popping the lenses out of 3D glasses and wearing them when your doing homework or studying because it makes you feel smarter.

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I approach balcony ledges with my feet firmly planted, just in case a random person decides to come pick me up and throw me off the balcony.

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When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

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Videotape my mother in the shower.

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Sometimes when I touch something I have to touch all of the object and with both hands, otherwise I feel incomplete.

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Seeing someone gettin roasted for something and then making sure you dont do the same thing.

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No matter how complicated your shower is at home, you always find it much easier to work than other people's showers.

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Pretend you and your classmates are in a Hunger Games scenario.

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Fantasize about shooting one of those trucks that have some sort of liquid in them and watching them blow up.

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pick your nose and eat it

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It is really difficult for me to lose control of myself

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When no one's at home, the house turns into an action movie set. Going to my room turns into sprinting up the stairs and purposely stumbling to give the effect that bombs are going off. And always make it to the room in time to hop on the last helicopter out of the jungle.

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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The girl I like has just managed to transfer her consciousness into my mind, now being to hear my every thought and see everything I do. Just. Act. Cool.

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When I use deodorant, I flap my arms like a chicken a couple of times to get some air moving under there...

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When I drop something, I stand there and watch it fall, I stand still because I'm afraid that I'll maybe mess up something else, instead of picking it up quickly. Am I the only one? ;)

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When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.