Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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Have arguments with yourself about what to wear, where you put that other shoe, whether to get out of bed, etc. Just get up! No, you do it! You're the one who set the alarm! Ughhhhh I hate you!!

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as soon as i put some mint gum in my mouth, i sneeze countless times.

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Feels my beard with my tongue.

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When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

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Say something in my head, but then wonder if i said it out loud and just didn't realize.

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get a new *to you* car, and suddenly every other car on the road is the same make/ model..... hey look! an outback!

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I am convinced that nobody had opened bacon or packets of ham with the flappy corner because it dosnt work!! So i get a knife and saw it out.

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Whenever I get sweaty I put baby powder around my groin area and under arms. Ramos

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Imagine I'm being filmed in a reality TV show just so I could do something productive or interesting.

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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Attempting to silently sneak a fart, then it erupts from your anus.

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I post morals under every one of my new comments. Moral: Duh, I am moral man ffs! What do you expect! Its awesome! If things go at this phase I will be a celebrity in... hmm... in never!

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Imagine flying things and epic battles when listening to music.

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When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

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Sometimes I blink and act like I am taking a picture with my eyes.

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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wonder y nobody facebook likes or comments on these

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Whenever I'm home alone, I listen to songs from my culture like Ella Ella, Taboo, or Sexy Robotica by Don Omar or other fun dancing songs, super loud and dance crazy and sing along as loud as I can. Any one else?

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When you cringe as you walk out of a store because you're paranoid the door will beep...

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Getting that huge shiver when you take a really good pee.

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I sit sideways on the toilet because my bony butt fits better that way.

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When posting these, I'm rarely able to read the words/letters in the box that prove you're human and not some computer virus. Now I'm starting to think I'm not a human......

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.