eating a sandwich with strategically placed bites such that i get the same ratio of crust to tastier non-crust sandwich center in each bite. sometimes i just take two smaller bites of crust and center part so that i don't have to taste mostly bread crust in a mouthful.

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look around my house for something to do for what feels like an hour then look back at a clock to realize thats its only been 4 minutes

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The longer it takes me to find the light switch in the dark the more frantic and terrified I become.

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Fake a yawn to see if other people will yawn back.

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Whenever I look in the bathroom mirror, I fear that I will see a terrible bloody monster standing behind me. I convince myself of this so completely that I panic and rush out right after I pee.

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If someone uses a term thats like, in the know, and they ask if i know what it means, ill act like, of course ido, even if i dont, and then ill go home and look it up.

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Whenever I switch sides on my bed, I feel like when I turn around some scary clown face is going to be RIGHT THERE in my face

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When I was little and I saw disney's hercules I had no idea why Meg was working for Hades

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use my phone as an alarm clock for waking up. but sets the time in PM instead of AM.

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Whenever your going down a flight of stairs with two rails, hold the two rails and go from the top step to the bottom.

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Fear that the CIA is secretly wathing you.

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Judge a stranger in your mind (God, they're ugly/fat etc.) then wonder if they heard you thinking it.

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Force a piss out really hard because you're in a rush.

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stop the microwave when I hear the food popping

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Imagining a friend can see everything you do during the day through telepathy.

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have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

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Sit on the loo and think about life because I can't be bothered to get up

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My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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Waking up from a really bad dream that you thought was real and then thinking about it all day worried that it actually happened

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I know it is pointless but still hope to get THUMBS UP

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when my mum buys way too much of something I imagine were one of those 'doomsday preppers' families, with mounds of supplies in our basement.

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Take advantage of loud traffic to fart really hard.

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Questioning why they make the Captcha's(spamblocker) SO hard to read

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When you are in a car and a sad song comes on look out the window and pretend you are in a movie.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.