Vigorously scratch my head over a black surface and watch the dandruff fall like snowflakes....then eat it.

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

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It takes half as long to take a dump if I forget my phone.

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Reading the things people post on here and realising your not as weird as you thought.

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Not buying a product you might have otherwise been interested in simply because you think their TV ad is stupid.

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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Sometimes i think i've been living a dream life, and one day im really gonna wake up in the middle of 9th grade math class and have to explain why i was sleeping on my desk and jerking off so much.

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Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

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Sometimes I put on my running shoes to make myself feel like I worked out but I really didn't.

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When I'm at someone else's house, clutter sort of bothers me and it makes me want to clean up. At my own house, it feels really weird if there's a lack of clutter, so I like to keep it that way.

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hurting your foot and running around trying not to think of the pain!

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When I look at a digital clock, i try to rearrange the number to make them a math equation

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Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

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Wipe drink can with shirt after someone (mainly father) has had a sip.

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I can't get out of bed in the mornings unless the alarm clock reads 0 or 5.

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The longer it takes me to find the light switch in the dark the more frantic and terrified I become.

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i smoke weed all day.

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pick nose in car and realize people can see you when stopped at a red light

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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I like to swallow great ammounts of water just to make the loud "clunk" sound in my throat.

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i always wipe the ketchup off my face with the bread of my sandwich

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sometimes when I'm eating, I eat with the opposite side of my mouth. just to be fair to it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.