When making toast, I stop the toaster halfway and flip the toast like it's sunbathing.

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I rehearse arguments in my head.

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conundrum.

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You pretend to fight imaginary people while no ones looking:/ But you look like the star wars kid...

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Sometimes when I'm watching a sitcom, I get distracted from the jokes because the characters are in a bedroom and I start focusing on the awesome stuff they have.

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If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

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Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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feel like your calculator is judging/making fun of you for looking up simple equations

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Unable to be near my cat without petting her or talking to her.

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~When you turn around, somebody is already looking at you; something is probably on your face. (I know they look at you because you would look at anybody turning around, but I just hate it)

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Cover myself in Vaseline and cry in the dark for 4, maybe 5 hours with or without a wooden splintery dildo in my arse.

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Wondering where are famous people and what they are doing at this exact moment.

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thinking your pants are wet when you only just sat down for a long time

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When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

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I like making subliminal messages (givemeyourmoney)

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Open the fridge every 15 minutes, to see if there is anything new to eat.

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I read the down voted posts

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wake up in the middle of the night and write your dream if you like it. Or just write all night and dont sleep all night for days at a time.

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When I used to go on car rides at night I would look up at the moon and I would think it was following us.

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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I replace every word of a song with the name of my pet

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I eat spoons of dry hot chocolate powder when nobody is around.

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Whenever I'm home alone, I listen to songs from my culture like Ella Ella, Taboo, or Sexy Robotica by Don Omar or other fun dancing songs, super loud and dance crazy and sing along as loud as I can. Any one else?

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If there is a big spider in the house I will act cool and take it out even though inside I'm screaming

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.