if im somewhere and say i get a itchy ass,i would say to a friend whilst sctatching " i have the itchyist but whole in the world right now" jokingly. but then think to myself, i wonder if there is someone in the world right now at the same time as me who has actually got a itchyer butt lol

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Think about the things you could do with you had the power to stop the time.

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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Cough, whistle or hum while on the toilet for a time, just so anyone outside the door doesn't think I'm mastrubating.

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Waiting alone inside a public toilet for someone to come in and open the door.... so you don't have to touch the handle!

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fap

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Cheak the fridge every 5 minuets waiting for food to just "magicly" appear

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Doing something private and think "What if my mom/dad/boss etc. saw me now?"

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Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

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I sometimes feel someone is watching me and speak towards it in a calming tone, only to again speak to myself telling myself im just being silly... only to turn my head and look behind me just in case.

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Think long and hard about something but then realise you don't care

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When you are doing something (kind of weird) when you're alone and then stop because there might be a ghost watching.

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I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

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I masturbate with sandpaper

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when i wake up from a dream and it was an amazing dream. then i try to fall back asleep to have it again...it doesn't work

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Legally changing your name to Peter Jankins just cuz

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I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

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My most intimate moments are constantly interrupted by the same thought..."oh, God...what if there is a secret security cam in here...CUT TO: oh God...can my dead grandparents see me now????"

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Shit in the shower and pushing it down the drain with your feet

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When in class, hoping that I do not get boner right before bell rings/called up.

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You always go to the corner of the shower when the cold water is running.

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Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

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Listening to a song, thinking about having the life of the singer in the band

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When I use deodorant, I flap my arms like a chicken a couple of times to get some air moving under there...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.