A mix of Slenderman and Herobrine would be the ideal husband for me. >:)

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masturbate quietly in my room.

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log off the internet then think of something and go back on

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Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

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scream after your in the ooh part of achooh when you sneeze.

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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Sometimes I look at people and think, "They poop."

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read on youtube comments with too unlikes

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Look at just about ANYTHING you see in the context of a zombie apocalypse. Example: strategizing escape routes and barricade points while you're walking down the hallway in school, or looking at something ordinary, like a baseball bat, and thinking, 'I could bash some zombie brains with that'

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When writing out something in the air, you mess up so you "wipe" out the mistake and then move to another piece of air because it's "cleaner".

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I split my gum in half so I can chew on both sides.

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Right before I go to the dentist I brush my teeth.

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Take pieces of loose hair and keep it in a plastic bag in my wallet so if I ever get killed and my ID stolen, my body can still be identified.

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I wonder why the word ISLAND has an "S" in it?

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push a fart out really slow so you think nobody will hear it

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I watch American football with the sound down low because the announcers are always trying to tell us that we didn't see what we just saw when the referees make bad calls

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when you are waiting for something to load, you go "please,please,pleas,please,please,please...." and the when it finally finishes you yell "YES!" OF COURSE, ONLY WHEN YOUR ALONE.

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if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

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Thinking about what is nothing and other deep shit when trying to fall asleep.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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Only use the left earphone.

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give speeches in the sower for random awards you will never receive.

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Pass wind after i ate lasagna.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.