Call out the mistakes I see drivers make in front of me.

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After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

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The volume level on my TV has to be either an even number or a multiple of five.

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Own all of you hard! Moral: EXPLOSION NOISE!

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Totally piss myself off by thinking of future confrontations that probably won't happen.

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Think of the most awkward or dreadful thing you could possibly do in any given situation and be almost compelled to do it but then realising that you could never show your face anywhere ever again if you did.

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Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

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Stick ur thumb between ur first and middle finger without realizing it

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I think of unbelievably perverted things seconds before I am about to cum when masturbating.

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Get somewhat worried about myself if I'm thumbed down on THIS SITE.

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(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

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Constantly hearing your name in public and asking "did you just hear my name?"

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When walking in a pub or a mall or any place which has music playing, I walk along with the beats thinking that I will look super cool doing that!

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When i need to poop i place toilet paper over the water so it doesn't splash up and hit my rectum.

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When in the shower dread putting the shower gel on you chest as it is freezing!!!

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In school trying to do a small fart because it really hurting and suddnly a earthquake happens

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When reading something on the internet highlighting the words, they don't even have to be what you'r reading just highlighting large sections of the article at random.

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Sometimes when you are looking down at a book or something you look up because you think you saw a person. Nope it was a tall lamp with a coat hung on it. Find youself periodically looking up every 5 minutes to make sure.

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When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

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act like people from movies or shows just because my life is that boring

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When I was younger I'd lay in bed & think about who I would pick if a person told me that I had to choose between 2 people and the 1 that I don't choose will die.

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When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

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I never read the terms and conditions but I say I have

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Answering questions that weren't directed at me, then awkwardly playing it off like they were talking to you.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.