Check my underwear for any sh!t from farts (yes, sometimes my shit comes with a fart) captcha: royal flush

Contract my gluteus maximus while sitting for a long time to feel more comfortable.

when watching a movie or tv show, i think i am the main character and when it does somthing stupid i become embaressed

pick leaves of bushes while im walking and rip them up into small pieces

Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

Sing really loudly and think you hear someone come in. yell "hello" for five minutes before singing again.

Close my eyes and squeeze them so I can see colorful stars and galaxies.

forget i left the light on somewhere in the house and when i see it on i think a ghost did it..

The girl I like has just managed to transfer her consciousness into my mind, now being to hear my every thought and see everything I do. Just. Act. Cool.

Make a little song with tiny breaths out of your nose

Sometimes I wonder if my life is a dream and oneday I'll wake up as a newborn baby

I often force my mind to think that i'm slowing down time at will just to feel awesome (like when walking down the street i try to make the all cars slow down).

When listening to headphones, I automatically start lip syncing the lyrics... But stop doing it when people look at me funny..

Whenever I fall over I always seem to think coherently throughout the fall about what can I do to make this less painful

When you are speaking to someone with a distinct accent and suddenly take on the accent as your own when responding. - Missy Chemick

when you say something and they go what? so you repeat it and they still didn't hear but once you say "forget it" they suddenly understood you perfectly.

Not likeing something someone posted because you have a secret crush on them and you don't want them to think you check there Facebook too much.

I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

Listen to song and think of a great montage that would go with it.

I have an irrational fear of automatic flushing toilets.

Whenever I drop food on the floor I get my dog to come clean it for me

start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.