Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

When I was younger I'd lay in bed & think about who I would pick if a person told me that I had to choose between 2 people and the 1 that I don't choose will die.

Sometimes I'll say quotes from movies or TV shows out loud to myself.

Count the amount of birthday wishes on your facebook page, and compare it to other friends birthdays.

Smoking a cigarette on the toilet and then accidentally ashing directly into your panties. Everytime.

Sometimes when I fart while sitting down, I lift one leg up.

get a really delicious smelling soap or candle and feel sad when you remember you can't eat it.

Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

I talk to inanimate objects daily.

Abuse your pet when nobody's looking

Pretend my ski pole is a gun while I'm on the chair lift. Or just any object around when I'm not skiing.

trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

Make a little song with tiny breaths out of your nose

Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

When I see someones comment has alot of dislikes , I add on to it .

Smiling like an Idiot when you get a cute text

My most intimate moments are constantly interrupted by the same thought..."oh, God...what if there is a secret security cam in here...CUT TO: oh God...can my dead grandparents see me now????"

When im alone in my car i talk to myself about lifes issues

....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

Eat something to pass the time while I wait for my food in the microwave to be cooked.

putting your hand in the water in the back of the toilet and thinking its gross toilet water and get grossed out

When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

Dutch oven myself when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.