When I tell human garbage that I am the Fallen Angel, they laugh at me, then I make them spontaneously combust. Moral: What moral whore?

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When standing on the beach, I try to command the waves to stop.

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I imagine myself having a superpower that could make people see from my point of view. I would just have to lay a hand on them, and suddenly they would understand who I really am.

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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while I am sitting on the toilet I play with it and waste the toilet paper and of course i just keep flushing it

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i use dental dams

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when my parents are gone i shout random stuff

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When the adverts come on I forget what I'm watching and so spend five minutes trying to remember.

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I'm constantly struck with this odd sensation that I didn't wipe my ass well enough.

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When i talk i say i like how or i hate that.

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I talk to inanimate objects daily.

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I like to watch people and imagine different stories that could explain why they're doing whatever it is that their doing.

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Fart and walk away from the stink area very quickly so nobody will know you made it.

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Spend a ton of time on the way you look and the clothes you choose, then going out in public and imagining you're a celeb.

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When a passneger in the car, I sing songs in my head and hope the song is in time with the signs and streetlights as I drive past them.

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Picking your dogs booger for him/her

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Have a dream about falling and never stop falling and it feels real

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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Pick my nose with my elbow, that way I keep my nails clean.

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Stick my tongue inside the ramen noodle flavor bag when im dne with it.

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I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

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Thinking that out there, on this earth in a lost city, there is an awesome clone of you.

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.