When you trip when your walking you try to play it off like you wanted to start running

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I fake laugh at peoples jokes when they're not funny to avoid akward moments.

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Will use delayed foot-to-ass insults on verbal bullies. You know, the kind that goes off in the persons head days or weeks after they thought they won an argument with me.

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Whenever I do something I want to tell someone about, I have to whisper it to myself before I tell them.

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When no one is home or if no one is looking you go in the fridge and drink right out of the bottle.

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I masturbate evenly with both hands so that my penis doesn't become crooked.

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Mix my coffee with the spoon upside down.

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I plant my feet firmly when the subway approaches in case a random stranger tries to kill me by pushing me in front of the train.

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Worry that I'm will go schizophrenic.

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Eating a crunchy food while watching tv and turning up the volume little by little until its around 80% because you can't hear over the sound of your own chewing. Then later when you turn back on the tv you scare yourself because it's still at 80% and frantically try to turn it down with super speed before anyone hears you.

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If no one else is home and you have to go to the bathroom, but you're invested in what you're doing on your laptop, you take it with you.

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People looking at me when listening to my Ipod. "Can they hear my music?" *turn volume down*

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When I go to the shops I like to park my car next to a specific coloured car so I can find it afterwards.

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Get annoyed when I'm working on something and someone who's looking at funny pictures wants to show me every single one. Then I do the same thing when I'm looking at funny pictures.

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Reach my hand inside the room to turn the light on before I go in.

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When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

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When you're out for a run, you pretend that someone is chasing after you so you run harder.

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Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

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When you can't be bothered to go to the toilet so you stay watching tv or going on your laptop while trying to hold it in.

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when on a bus, pretend to fail to see your acquaintances to get some rest and avoid boring conversations.

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Absentmindedly rub your stomach while lying down watching or reading.

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Put the towel near the shower so that you can stand on it and not get the floor wet

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on hot summer days when I exit the shower I only dry off my legs to the point where they aren't dripping but my leg hair is still wet.

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Look at the clock to realize that it seems like the "second" hand is taking longer on the number its on right when you look at it, and/or you looked at the clock at the absolute perfect time. And it happens frequently..

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.