Check my underwear for any sh!t from farts (yes, sometimes my shit comes with a fart) captcha: royal flush

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Contract my gluteus maximus while sitting for a long time to feel more comfortable.

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when watching a movie or tv show, i think i am the main character and when it does somthing stupid i become embaressed

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pick leaves of bushes while im walking and rip them up into small pieces

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

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Sing really loudly and think you hear someone come in. yell "hello" for five minutes before singing again.

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Close my eyes and squeeze them so I can see colorful stars and galaxies.

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forget i left the light on somewhere in the house and when i see it on i think a ghost did it..

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The girl I like has just managed to transfer her consciousness into my mind, now being to hear my every thought and see everything I do. Just. Act. Cool.

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Make a little song with tiny breaths out of your nose

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Sometimes I wonder if my life is a dream and oneday I'll wake up as a newborn baby

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I often force my mind to think that i'm slowing down time at will just to feel awesome (like when walking down the street i try to make the all cars slow down).

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When listening to headphones, I automatically start lip syncing the lyrics... But stop doing it when people look at me funny..

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Whenever I fall over I always seem to think coherently throughout the fall about what can I do to make this less painful

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When you are speaking to someone with a distinct accent and suddenly take on the accent as your own when responding. - Missy Chemick

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when you say something and they go what? so you repeat it and they still didn't hear but once you say "forget it" they suddenly understood you perfectly.

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Not likeing something someone posted because you have a secret crush on them and you don't want them to think you check there Facebook too much.

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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Listen to song and think of a great montage that would go with it.

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I have an irrational fear of automatic flushing toilets.

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Whenever I drop food on the floor I get my dog to come clean it for me

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start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.