do a fake cough when my shit is falling in the toilet

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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I use my mobile as a torch and keep hitting random buttons to keep it alight.

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Open my mouth while doing my mascara... it's impossible not to!!!

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Wish that Mexicans would go to their OWN country and stop living tax free in OURS.

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Repeatably look at something ugly, even if it's ugly

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Sometimes I turn on my bedroom fan at night just so i can use heavier blankets.

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I lie in bed and when I get bored I try to convince myself that I'm lying at the other end

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I daydream and consequently spend twenty minutes having a dump

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as soon as i put some mint gum in my mouth, i sneeze countless times.

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I daydream about what would happen if my phone rang in public and I had a ringtone of a cool song and what people think about the song and if they think I'm cool for it, or if they see some sort of symbolic meaning in the song. I do this while pacing around my room listening to the song. I think about what people I know would think about certain lyrics in the song. I do this all the time.

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Look at the clock to realize that it seems like the "second" hand is taking longer on the number its on right when you look at it, and/or you looked at the clock at the absolute perfect time. And it happens frequently..

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judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

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I mean Diana Ross.

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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Sometimes I reflect on my life and just feel humiliated.

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Not being able to balance in heels because the insides are smothered in foot sweat. -_-

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Think about the things you could do if you had the power to stop the time.

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Watching a movie with bugs in it and instantly feeling that shivery 'holy sh*t there are bugs on me' feeling.

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When I am driving, I hate everyone else who is driving.

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When I'm home alone, I pretend I'm famous, and pretend I'm doing a television or magazine interview, and answer out loud to questions I ask in my head

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i would air drum even if theres no music playing

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When buying anything - a book, pint of milk, food, pen - will go to put down the first one you picked up to find a newer one.... Then feel really bad for the other one you put down and go back to that one so it doesn't feel hurt.

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Before I sing in the car, I always have to make sure I haven’t accidently butt-dialed anyone. –Ikka

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.