when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

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Pretend to listen to iPod, but actually eavesdrop on the people around me.

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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I combine every item on my plate in all the possible ways, then i eat the worst part of the meal and save the best part til last.

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when my parents are gone i shout random stuff

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When I'm making a weird face, I remind my self to stop before it gets stuck like that.

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Play as both sides on fifa

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Sometimes, after I say "bye" to a person on facebook, I wait a few seconds before I log off so that it seems like I said "bye" to other people too. Because I'm just that popular.

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Sometimes I think that if we play with dolls, maybe we're just dolls that someone is playing with and creating lives for.

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Think someone's watching me so I do cool stuff to impress them just in case they are

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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Two minutes after I text the person I like, I check the message to see what time I sent it and what time the person received it, and estimate that it takes the adverage person about a minute to respond and then another minute for you to receive it. so really, if the person likes you, it would take them about 3 minutes to respond. if its five, you automatically assume they hate you.

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Meet a really cool girl imagine the rest of my life with her.

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Use an entirely different vocabulary in your head than everyday life.

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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avoid going in the handicap bathroom stall because you're afraid someone will see you cause it's so big

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every timee i type a messege to some 1 in chat i imaging what the othe person looks like-jesse

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I don't care about gender stereotypes. Moral: If I want to like Pink unicorns I will like them!

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Has anyone else ever wondered why the women in shows and movies lie with the blanket covering them after apparently having sex with the other person.

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I am convinced that nobody had opened bacon or packets of ham with the flappy corner because it dosnt work!! So i get a knife and saw it out.

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Cover myself in Vaseline and cry in the dark for 4, maybe 5 hours with or without a wooden splintery dildo in my arse.

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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See a ridiculously hot girl and wonder to myself "who is the guy who gets to have sex with her. And why does she like him?" As if that can help me bag an equally hotter girl.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.