if im somewhere and say i get a itchy ass,i would say to a friend whilst sctatching " i have the itchyist but whole in the world right now" jokingly. but then think to myself, i wonder if there is someone in the world right now at the same time as me who has actually got a itchyer butt lol

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When I go to the bathroom I put toilet paper over my penis and pretend its a ghost

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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I can see a magic eye image

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Brake for tail-gaters

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Not clicking the Facebook 'like' button on "pee in the side of the toilet so its not as loud", because it will show up on your profile, and you think other people will think you're strange.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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Spend way too much time on this website cause it makes you feel normal

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Close my eyes and squeeze them so I can see colorful stars and galaxies.

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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When listening to music via headphones in public, I become paranoid that I am bothering everyone around me as my breathing becomes louder without me realising.

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I plant my feet firmly when the subway approaches in case a random stranger tries to kill me by pushing me in front of the train.

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When listening to headphones, I automatically start lip syncing the lyrics... But stop doing it when people look at me funny..

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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Know almost every line from spongbob episodes.

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Before i go to sleep, i imagine all the things i would like to happen in the future, and hoping it comes true or ill dream of it

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grab my cats tongue when he is licking my hand

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Look at the toilet paper after i wipe my ass just to make sure i didn't leave anything behind..

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When I pee if there is already some toilet paper there I try to sink it with my pee.

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Wipe my hands on a cold glass to clean my hands

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When you can feel yourself blushing so you pretend to be preoccupied with something else.

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ask my dog questions then realize, she can't talk...

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Start to tell a story, but realize that nobody is bothering to listen to you.. So you slowly let your voice fade off

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When walking on an old looking bridge I try to get off quickly and before anyone else gets on there because all I can think about is it giving way and me falling to my death/being very wet

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.