Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Peeing in the shower

thumb_up thumb_down +122

Turn the light off, run, and JUMP into bed. I'm 26.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Time a song on my MP3 player to be the soundtrack to something I'm about to do, especially in public places.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

I like to record the audio from TV shows and movies onto cassette tapes from my stereo, and listen to them on my Walkman while I'm working in the kitchen or around the house.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

standing at the mall with your group talking, you all decide to start walking to a store, start to follow but half the group stays behind for a few seconds then they start walking, walk a slower pace only to find out that you're in the middle of your split groups e.g. 3 in front 4 behind...dont know which one to merge to......wait for your group to collaborate back together.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

I scrape the scum off my teeth with my fingernail and then I eat it.

thumb_up thumb_down +84

Hearing a noise and turning around to see if theres a monster in the room, and when you see nothing you think "hmm, he hides everytime I turn my head around." and then for the next minute you try to suddenly look back to see if you can catch it off guard.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Hearing a noise and turning around to see if theres a monster in the room, and when you see nothing you think "hmm, he hides everytime I turn my head around." and then for the next minute you try to suddenly look back to see if you can catch it off guard.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

I look at people and think, "they poop" then as I'm imagining them pooping I hurry and change thoughts before they finish.

thumb_up thumb_down +237

Feels my beard with my tongue.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

After hearing a song, you think, oh i have never heard of that before, and then you start hearing it every single day....

thumb_up thumb_down +267

Glance at your friend beside you, smile to yourself, and think, "I could murder them."

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Have deja vu while talking to someone and then stop listening to what they are saying for a few seconds till the feeling passes, then nod like you have been listening the whole time.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Try and accomplish something before the timer on the microwave beeps :)

thumb_up thumb_down +1,069

Try having a conversation with your friends parents but keep saying yeah the whole time

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Try to think of something nice then thinks of then scariest things.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Mostly make fun of my best friends but never make fun of just regular friends

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Having to step on snails to hear the crunch

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Try to pet your cat with your foot.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Get angry at someone for not knowing something I haven't told them about.

thumb_up thumb_down -129

Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

When I'm cooking, I mumble everything I'm doing under my breath like I'm in a cooking show and I'm talking to the audience.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.