Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

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sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

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When I was younger I'd lay in bed & think about who I would pick if a person told me that I had to choose between 2 people and the 1 that I don't choose will die.

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Sometimes I'll say quotes from movies or TV shows out loud to myself.

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Count the amount of birthday wishes on your facebook page, and compare it to other friends birthdays.

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Smoking a cigarette on the toilet and then accidentally ashing directly into your panties. Everytime.

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Sometimes when I fart while sitting down, I lift one leg up.

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get a really delicious smelling soap or candle and feel sad when you remember you can't eat it.

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Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

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I talk to inanimate objects daily.

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Abuse your pet when nobody's looking

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Pretend my ski pole is a gun while I'm on the chair lift. Or just any object around when I'm not skiing.

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trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

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Make a little song with tiny breaths out of your nose

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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When I see someones comment has alot of dislikes , I add on to it .

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Smiling like an Idiot when you get a cute text

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My most intimate moments are constantly interrupted by the same thought..."oh, God...what if there is a secret security cam in here...CUT TO: oh God...can my dead grandparents see me now????"

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When im alone in my car i talk to myself about lifes issues

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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Eat something to pass the time while I wait for my food in the microwave to be cooked.

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putting your hand in the water in the back of the toilet and thinking its gross toilet water and get grossed out

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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Dutch oven myself when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.