i fap in the bathroom because its the only room i have a reason to lock the door in.

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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think that your whole life is just a dream and that you're going to wake up someday

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Every time I watch the movie I cry when the babysitter sings that song in the blues bar in the movie "Adventures In Babysitting"

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I make a mental note NOT to buy the product or service if I feel they are trying to brainwash me with their ads.

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when passing someone in a car beside you, you try to wonder where they are going just by looking at them, their clothes or their expressions

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I prefer to masturbate by putting a fleshlight under my stuffed-toy smurfette's dress and pretend to smurf her.

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"Turn the tv volume with my feet" "Take a wood stick and think it's a sword"

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

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Make up a song to yourself.

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Find different ways to crack your knuckles when you're bored. (I have found 7 ways to crack a finger and I can crackj my hand back

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Feeling self conscious about breathing to loudly

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Pretend it doesn't hurt when someone I try for rejects me, but it does hurt, a lot.

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draw the sun at the corner of the page

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use cleverbot to chat to automated dating chat bots. even if i don't understand swedish.

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while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

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When I'm in a room with other people, no matter who they are, I make myself choose the person I would tolerate the best having sex with just in case of a disaster and we need to procreate.

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Watch 30 seconds of a commercial break only to realize it's dvr'd and I could be fast forwarding it.

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I refuse to eat cherry starbursts because they taste like medicine.

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sometimes i mouth improvised, ridiculous sentences in the mirror to see what i look like when i talk to people

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Scared to flush the tolite at friends houses in fear that i will wake someone up of break the tolite.

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I split my gum in half so I can chew on both sides.

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Going through a lot of Deja Vu lately, it feels like you have another life before this one.

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from now on in gonna eat healthier! *seeing chocolate* hm... okay i'll make an exemption today but from TOMORROW on!!!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.