after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

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Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

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Get the feeling that somebody is going to grab your foot when you walk by a bed in the dark...

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brush the dandruff from my eyebrows

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Sneeze for a few minutes when I've eaten too much.

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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reading the back of the cereal box when eating cereal

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I imagine that there are lines coming out from things and I don't step on the lines (columns, buildings, walls, corners, etc.)

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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When I see that someone else is typing while I'm texting them, I try to quickly finish what I'm typing and send it so that I won't have to change my response.

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I flip the pillow at night to feel the cool sensation.

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For some reason, I smile whenever I'm telling someone bad news or a sad story. I always try to not smile, but it doesn't work and I feel like a terrible person.

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pretend you died to see what your dog would do.

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I always go to sleep with every single one of my stuffed animals in my arms at the same time because I think that they get lonely and sad if I pick certain ones. Then again I sometimes wonder if they secretly hate me and think I'm a weird creep for hugging all of them every night. I'm 24.

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When your at your friends house and they run out of toilet paper, so you sit there like "what do i do now?"

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I have seen a UFO

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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When leaving a poop smear under the water in the toilet that doesn't get flushed away, I put a few pieces of toilet paper on the water surface to conceal it.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Try to stop thinking but then just start thinking I'm thinking

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Cannot even read a word when a blonde lady sits in front of me in a library.

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Realizing that when you look behind a shower curtain before using the bathroom and actually see a Serial killer, you have no plan...

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The only time I seem to look at the clock is when the numbers read my birth date.

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Fear that the CIA is secretly wathing you.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.