Try to make a sound described in a book or text (like a gasp or a gargle)

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I light my pubes on fire instead of shaving them because they aren't as itchy that way.

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I chew my ice cream.

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Imagine I'm being filmed in a reality TV show just so I could do something productive or interesting.

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Convince yourself that all of your friends are partying together without you when they dont respond to your text messages.

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Whenever I am in a conversation with someone, be it a family member, close friend, or stranger, I nearly always imagine either starting a random brawl with them for no reason (i.e. punching them in the face) or making out with them or something, neither of which I would ever consider doing. Am I alone?

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I hate people who shows-off their SLR Cameras. I mean, so you're a human now because of that?

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When a male dies and screams in pain in a movie, I feel normal about it. When a female does, I feel bad and want to help.

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When I'm on an escalator going up, I always imagine myself falling back and how incredibly painful (and possibly bloody) it must be.

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Dad, what's that dark place over there? That's Chorley son, you must never go there.

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I always think I have special powers

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Cry every day just because it makes you feel better.

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I save my files as "askjaskjaks" because I'm too lazy to give them a proper name.

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I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

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Wonder if certain people can read my mind... start thinking weird stuff and try to stop.

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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Find myself thinking a completely random meaningless sentence as I'm falling asleep with no idea how I got to that thought.

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When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

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Masturbate while waiting for a game to load.

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I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Stare at something long enough thinking it will eventually move.

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I have tons of imaginary conversations in my head with people I know, but they never happen. It's worse when something funny happens in the imaginary conversation and I laugh to myself, and if someone notices I can't even say that I was remembering something because I wasn't, it had never happened...

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When I Download A Song Or Movie And The Download Speed Slows Down I Think The FBI Is Tracking Me.

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I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.