when singing to music on my ipod, i sometimes pause the music to hear how loud I am singing.

thumb_up thumb_down +412

When I tell human garbage that I am the Fallen Angel, they laugh at me, then I make them spontaneously combust. Moral: What moral whore?

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

thumb_up thumb_down -93

Change the channel during commercials when you have the remote, when you don't you go insane and say "TURN IT BACK WE'LL MISS THE START!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down +597

Put toilet paper in the toilet before I'm going to take a shit, so that the toilet won't get dirty.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Whenever another person sitting next to me at school doesn't push their chair in when they get up to leave, I do it for them because it looks more orderly.

thumb_up thumb_down +443

When going to the bathroom, lock it and when trying to unlock and don't succeed immediately... ITS A TRAP! I'M LOCKED IN MY OWN BATHROOM!!

thumb_up thumb_down -110

Sometime i'll see someone or something like a person or a car and visualize a big meteorite smashing then out of nowhere.

thumb_up thumb_down +58

I click that I have read the Terms of Service although I haven't read sheit

thumb_up thumb_down +6

When your at your friends house and they run out of toilet paper, so you sit there like "what do i do now?"

thumb_up thumb_down -50

I get angry when people use question marks where they don't belong. QUESTION marks are for QUESTIONS. Not statements or opinions >:( "But whatever I don't care I mean that's your opinion?" X FFFUU- "But whatever I don't care I mean that's your opinion." ?

thumb_up thumb_down +11

When i'm eating small, colored foods like skittles or gummies, i have to have one on each side of my mouth so one side doesn't feel happier than the other and they have to be different colors.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

When I'm about to go to the bathroom, I think of a million things that I have to do and try to do them all before I pee my pants.

thumb_up thumb_down +185

I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

To my comment below... Rest im peace MJ... Shhh! Mary Jane is resting!

thumb_up thumb_down -22

i make loud noises so before i fart people cant hear it.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

turn the colour down on your tv and pretend what you are watching is an old movie

thumb_up thumb_down +6

I cant ride a bike

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Toss something across the room toward the place it belongs, get excited when it lands upright/ perfectly in place, then immediately regret you weren't recording it.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

when watching a movie in a big screen cinema, i unconsciously look at the bottom of the screen, midway through the movie, expecting to see a time/track/scroll bar. as if it was VLC media player.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

sometime i poop in my hand, then put it in the toilet so it makes less noise and the water doesn't splash up my butt.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

When you were in elementary school you thought people laughed at Uranus because it sounds kinda like urine and then wondered why it was so funny; the two only sound remotely alike.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Waking up at 4 am wondering where your pillow went.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.