Pretend that when you are in the shower, the shower head is a giant machine gun, that takes thousands of men to operate, and that you were an extremely large person and you catch ALL of the bullets in your mouth, spitting them at the shower head while at the same time turning off the water as if they all died, and the small drips that continue to drop out were the dead soldires' blood.....-dillon

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Sometimes I toot.

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In the car and sad song comes on you look out the window and pretend your in a movie.

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Sometimes when im lost in thought I twirl a piece of my bangs and stare off in a daze.

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I tend to ignore phone calls, even when I know the phone call could be important.

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grab my cats tongue when he is licking my hand

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When I'm alone I occasionally like to give a little hump to the air. Not for sexual reasons or anything, just because it feels right.

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pretend you died to see what your dog would do.

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calling someone and it rings so long you forget who your calling and when they answer you have to look at your caller i.d to remember.

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I never read the Terms of Service. I just click "OK"

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When on a sidewalk I always try to make my last step on the block with my left foot.

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

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Have a sudden urge to say "bomb" at an airport.

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get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

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Repeat the phrase "you too" after a comment someone makes that does not apply. Bob: happy birthday Jim Jim: you too bob. Awwww sh!t.

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Hate to type Morals under each one of my posts Moral: A small chick in the hand is better than a huge C**K up your ass. I am pretty sure not even women nor homosexuals want birds up there...Then again, I havent searched for anything like that at the intern... they are eating her! And now they are gonna eat me! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! (fly stuck on head)

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Change my name on Siri on iPhone to something hillarius and make it say my name

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When you sit down to a great dinner with all your favorite foods and then the nanosecond your ass touches the chair you are instantly he most tired and uninterested in food than you have ever been before

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being a mid-teenager, never having a relationship before and don't care at all.

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I often think about how I am a thing inside of a body

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Imagining how it would feel to switch bodies with your crush

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While waiting for my food ot cook, I'll wash the dirty dishes that I used so that I don't need to wash lots of dishes after I eat.

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I sit in my sink and pretend that I am water.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.