sometimes, i smell my own farts.

I hump my bed at night and pretend it's a hot model

I sometimes go out of my way to make sure I have my iPhone with me in the bathroom while taking a poop.

Saying "ouch!" when someone throws something and it hits an inanimate object.. -Sarah

Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

Contract my gluteus maximus while sitting for a long time to feel more comfortable.

Make odd grunting noises and sighs of relief while going #2.

Whenever I have to carry a heavy box with both hands a long distance, my nose decides it's going to itchy.

I always have to google the name of this website, because I always put the words in the wrong consecution.

Try to fly by jumping and then discover you can't

feel that the horsehead network captchas can read my mind. kind of scary.

When no one's looking, I run up stairs on hands and feet.

I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

When I'm peeing in the urinal, I aim to the side so it doesn't deflect back on me.

Has to cover up with a blanket, regardless of the temperature...

during texting you set your phone in your lap right before a car is about to pass you so they dont see you texting and driving

apparently you turn or twist everything to tight like a sink or a bottlecap ect. "i cant open the bottle of fu***ng coke becase you "

Take a dump in the dark... Anyone but me?

Repeat the phrase "you too" after a comment someone makes that does not apply. Bob: happy birthday Jim Jim: you too bob. Awwww sh!t.

i take words i just read or said and sing them to the tune of a song

turn off the alarm clock one minute before its goes off when you wake up in the morning

reading the back of the cereal box when eating cereal

When I'm alone I occasionally like to give a little hump to the air. Not for sexual reasons or anything, just because it feels right.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.