I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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DAS RITE MODERFOCKER! NOWUN MESSIS WIF FIRLUPE!!' (throws wine in face)

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if your listening to music, move the volume up and down to experience the bass a lil better

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When I am bored and home alone, I sometimes try to recreate the most annoying sound in the world from Dumb and Dumber. (P.S. Sorry if this was already submitted, I didn't see it.)

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I flick through the channels on my TV really fast to try and make a complete sentence.

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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Playing hide-and-seek and finding the best spot ever, only to realize you have to pee

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When riding in a vehicle at night, where the stars are visible, I feel like they're racing us.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Thinking you smell really bad and then putting to much deodorant/perfume/ect and you still think you smell bad. Is this just me?

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grab my cats tongue when he is licking my hand

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Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

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Have to suddenly poop while shopping (mainly in Wal-Mart), but don't feel like traveling far to the restroom. So I kneel down in whatever aisle I'm in, casually shove my heel up my butt, and pick up some random item from the shelf and pretend to be interested in it. Finally, when the poop is secure in my butt, I'll put the item back and continue my shopping.

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Counting the lines on the street as they pass the edge of your cars window.

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Saying something stupid and then claiming it was an inside joke so you don't look stupid.

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Sometimes I would just be thinking to myself and then think of something funny and laugh but I don't share it with anyone else makes me look insane.

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Find yourself alone at a party/gathering of some sort... Pretend to send a text to make people think you're not a loner.

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When i'm eating small, colored foods like skittles or gummies, i have to have one on each side of my mouth so one side doesn't feel happier than the other and they have to be different colors.

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I fantasize about my idol as I try to fall sleep at night. He's Michael Jackson.

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Walking past a light switch, but miss when try to turn the lights on so you just keep walking instead.

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When you buy a car you then see that make/model everywhere.

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Solving your problems in bed before sleeping and then forgetting all of the solutions when you wake up. This applies to games, homework, and world hunger.

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Have troubles sleeping when it's hot.

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Whenever I read a book, in my head it all takes place at my own house, or some other familiar location.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.