after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

Get the feeling that somebody is going to grab your foot when you walk by a bed in the dark...

brush the dandruff from my eyebrows

Sneeze for a few minutes when I've eaten too much.

Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

reading the back of the cereal box when eating cereal

I imagine that there are lines coming out from things and I don't step on the lines (columns, buildings, walls, corners, etc.)

Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

When I see that someone else is typing while I'm texting them, I try to quickly finish what I'm typing and send it so that I won't have to change my response.

I flip the pillow at night to feel the cool sensation.

For some reason, I smile whenever I'm telling someone bad news or a sad story. I always try to not smile, but it doesn't work and I feel like a terrible person.

pretend you died to see what your dog would do.

I always go to sleep with every single one of my stuffed animals in my arms at the same time because I think that they get lonely and sad if I pick certain ones. Then again I sometimes wonder if they secretly hate me and think I'm a weird creep for hugging all of them every night. I'm 24.

When your at your friends house and they run out of toilet paper, so you sit there like "what do i do now?"

I have seen a UFO

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

When leaving a poop smear under the water in the toilet that doesn't get flushed away, I put a few pieces of toilet paper on the water surface to conceal it.

when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

Try to stop thinking but then just start thinking I'm thinking

Cannot even read a word when a blonde lady sits in front of me in a library.

Realizing that when you look behind a shower curtain before using the bathroom and actually see a Serial killer, you have no plan...

The only time I seem to look at the clock is when the numbers read my birth date.

Fear that the CIA is secretly wathing you.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.