imagine a bunch of girls are watching you at home, so you don't look like a dumbass

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if im somewhere and say i get a itchy ass,i would say to a friend whilst sctatching " i have the itchyist but whole in the world right now" jokingly. but then think to myself, i wonder if there is someone in the world right now at the same time as me who has actually got a itchyer butt lol

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Reading a book and making the facial expressions it describes.

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Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

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Sometimes I lie in bed and wonder what the house would look like upside down.

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Think you're breathing way too loud when your headphones are turned up

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Sitting next to a banana called James

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Do math in ur head at night to help you fall asleep.

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When home alone, I put cans in front of the door so if someone breaks in, I wake up.

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I scold or point at my electronics and tell them "No, bad!" whenever I push the wrong button or shut them off on accident.

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Going to a friends house for the weekend, coming home and checking the fridge/pantry for new foods.

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When I am at amusement parks I look and determine which guys I could beat up and which I couldn't.

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Go up/down the stairs in 10 steps exactly. Talk to an imaginary girlfriend when I'm guilty of something, and she helps me out and holds me till I fall asleep.

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in my mind, traffic cones are called VLC.

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Try to make a sound described in a book or text (like a gasp or a gargle)

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Sometimes I kiss my hand and pretend it's a person I like.

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Go to get a drink and by the time you get there you already forgot what you were doing.

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I have to fart real bad but people are around me , so I try to silent fart

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Whenever I think of something creative or weird, I always wonder if someone thought of the same thing.

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When I'm in the shower and I hear a noise I automatically think someone broke into my house and killed my family and that they're coming for me and I will have to fight off the killer naked.

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Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

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Convince yourself that all of your friends are partying together without you when they dont respond to your text messages.

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Say 'WED', 'NES' and 'DAY' slowly in your head when spelling Wednesday.

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When I poop I pretend to make my wiener talk.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.