I kill Solid Snake and masturbate when the Game over screen keeps screaming for my own "snake" "Snake answer me! Snake SNAAAKE!" Me: Answer coming right up and out any moment now! fapfapfap

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I forget I turned the toaster on and jump when it goes off.

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read on youtube comments with too unlikes

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My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

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Whenever I watch TV, the volume has to be on multiples of 5. Even if the perfect volume is in between.

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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I rub the ends of my hair because it feels awesome.

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Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

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I HATE minecraft gift codes and the morons who post about them. I wish those morons would get off my planet.

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Ur mum

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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When I tell human garbage that I am the Fallen Angel, they laugh at me, then I make them spontaneously combust. Moral: What moral whore?

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.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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When you have the " If I'm on an elevator and it breaks and is about to crash at the bottom, and I jump up before it does, will I live?" thought.

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I would try to make my pencil shavings as long as possible.

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When you're in your late teens, you blare the car stereo when driving near girls that are walking. When you grow up, you turn the radio down in fear that you look like a tool bag.

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Sit on the loo and think about life because I can't be bothered to get up

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Have a sudden urge to say "bomb" at an airport.

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Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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I practice my signature on a piece of paper over and over again. Even though my signature has never changed.

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Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.