Sometimes when someone says something to me, I will hear them perfectly clear, but I will instinctively say "what?"

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When in the shower hit the plug like a bath then just sit there for a few minutes as the water fills up.

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Make odd grunting noises and sighs of relief while going #2.

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Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

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My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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Just think about this. I do. What if we are all a character from The Sims and there is someone controlling us as their character and we never really did anything by our own choice. Creepy.

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When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

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Skip the first 3 minutes of "Free Bird" because it's too slow.

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Open the fridge, nothing there, close fridge, open again just to make sure nothing has magically appeared

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Turn the light off, run, and JUMP into bed. I'm 26.

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Whenever someone dies I try to guess who will die next so I wont be as shocked

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If i've been thinking about a particular person a lot, afterwards if people are telling a story or describing a scenario, I always picture the person I was thinking of before as the person as the main character in their story/scenario.

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Think that If I leave a big knife out on the counter- or a pair of tights/belt/scarf out in view, I believe that ultimately someone will break in and kill me via the aforementioned items.................and I will only have myself to blame.

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have fake conversations that might happen in the future...so ur prepared

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Pretend I'm a back-up dancer or singing a duet with the singer of the song I'm listening to.

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fist myself to the point of unconsciousness whilst masturbating to the speeches of Hitler

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resting your head from your face to your hand and then you realize you face now looks disfigured.

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Wish that Mexicans would go ruin their own country instead of ruin ours.

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Afraid to do something your crush is doing so they don't think you're stalking them, even though you really want to. -B

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Sometimes I reflect on my life and just feel humiliated.

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Wait until there is nobody in the bathroom and then fart really really loud. Also I flip my pillow every 10 minutes so my head is on the cold side. (try it some time)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.