fist myself to the point of unconsciousness whilst masturbating to the speeches of Hitler

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I always cry when I pray.

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I thought the 2013 film Frozen could have gone longer

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speak proper english

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from now on in gonna eat healthier! *seeing chocolate* hm... okay i'll make an exemption today but from TOMORROW on!!!

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

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eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

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When im standing at a urinal and another guy was there before me and i still finish first i pretend like im still peeing so he wont think i have a bladder problem.

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This is kind of embarrassing... after I watched "Truman Show" I went home and talked to my mirror like Jim Carrey does in the film.

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wonder if famous singers are actually the one that sings the song, or if someone else records it in the studio and then they lip sync at concerts.

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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did you notice if you travel: when your going to the place feels like 10 hours but when going home feels like 4 hours

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I can't help but wonder why people write things on web sites and don't bother checking their spelling. Now they look like an idiot no matter how funny or interesting it might have been.

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See someone thats so hot all you can think about is seeing them naked all day.

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coughing when your having a poo so people know that your on the loo

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When I'm scared in the shower sing

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You imagine your future self visiting you and tell you about your life.

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get embarrassed when someone is in the public bathroom, and your shit makes a splash in the toilet

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Am I not the one who created an imaginary BAE?

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I still put my thumb in my mouth, BUT only because I like the feel of putting my eye lashes under my fingernails and my thumb inconveniantly fits in my mouth. Now I know I'm the only person in the world who does this. I'm trying to drop the habit. But it feels so GOOD!

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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Don't have to poop for a week until I get in the shower

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Sometimes...when no one is home, i talk and dance with my dog as if he was person :)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.