Cover myself in Vaseline and cry in the dark for 4, maybe 5 hours with or without a wooden splintery dildo in my arse.

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clean specks of sh*t in the toilet by peeing on it.

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Looking up your teachers on facebook just to look at their photos

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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When I was little and I saw disney's hercules I had no idea why Meg was working for Hades

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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Fear that the CIA is secretly wathing you.

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See a ridiculously hot girl and wonder to myself "who is the guy who gets to have sex with her. And why does she like him?" As if that can help me bag an equally hotter girl.

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Hum up and down in pitch because it makes LED displays dance around.

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Masturbate while waiting for a game to load.

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Close my eyes and squeeze them so I can see colorful stars and galaxies.

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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Sometimes I become paranoid that the ceiling is going to randomly come crashing down and kill me.

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If there's a mirror i look if there's people around looking at me, and if there aren't it's ok to stare at my reflection.

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Go to someone's house and go and ask where something is and the person you ask just tells you without getting up (I know it doesn't go with the theme of this site but its just something annoying)

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after you've been in a fight i usually think up some epic move i could've done instead.

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When I'm walking on a sidewalk, I try to step on each tile an even amount of times.

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Feel really paranoid until my game score is a multiple of 5

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When Ive just intentionally committed some minor traffic offense (speeding, illegal U-turn) and suddenly worry a cop may have spotted me and act to myself in the car as if I was truly confused and have no idea what I did wrong, like moving my head around and saying, "Huh? Where's that house?"

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Wish that Mexicans would go ruin their own country instead of ruin ours.

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Never eat curry before school otherwise you will have a massive poo

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Try to put in USB drive into computer, and no matter what, always ends up trying to put it in upside-down the first time.

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I never take drinks into smelly places, out of fear that the smell will somehow get into my drink and contaminate the taste.

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When you try to blur eyes and keep them like that when you look around the room.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.