Get turned on lookin at my own butt

Secretly open a packet of something or spray some deodorant in a shop to check what it looks/feels/smells like. Then put it back and pick up the one behind because you just used/opened the one you were just holding.

when I have to shred important documents I am still not satisfied that I even burn the shredded paper

Watched the woman in black then go to bed then suddenly a woman in black comes in my room oh wait it is just my mum saying good night

Smoking in the shower.

I hate when my mom hangs my underwear on the clothesline outside.

my solve media says spare is big but it was space is big

Hide important things in places at home but forget later where you hid them.

I sometimes have bad dreams that for some reason I don't want to wake up from because I just want to see what happens next

I have memorized most commercials and recite them when they come on the tv.

Get distracted during fap dreams and thinking of your mom and then going OMG GROSS OH GOD IM A PERV!!

I seriously contemplate what my theme song would be. I imagine it would have no words and a slight Mission Impossible influence.

I can't get out of bed in the mornings unless the alarm clock reads 0 or 5.

Instead of reading the sunday comics, I read the nutrition facts on the cereal box.

I constantly try to turn something I say into my catch phrase.

Eating a crunchy food while watching tv and turning up the volume little by little until its around 80% because you can't hear over the sound of your own chewing. Then later when you turn back on the tv you scare yourself because it's still at 80% and frantically try to turn it down with super speed before anyone hears you.

Takes playful flirting way to seriouse.

Does anyone else's mouse hand get colder then their other hand when they're on the computer?

KICK THE CAN

Don't have to poop for a week until I get in the shower

Wondering who would cry at your funeral

I get really annoyed by the constant audience laughter in some tv shows even when nothing funny is said

Whenever i do something bad to someone I can't stop smiling even though i never wanted to smile in the first place and i feel like people think I'm a terrible person

Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.