Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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I look really handsome in my mirror, only to find myself looking weird in other mirrors, and like a total retard at photographies.

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I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

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when i m in a car i'll look at the letters on license plates and try to think of words that you can make-or almost make- with those letters

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When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

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get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

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Hate to type Morals under each one of my posts Moral: A small chick in the hand is better than a huge C**K up your ass. I am pretty sure not even women nor homosexuals want birds up there...Then again, I havent searched for anything like that at the intern... they are eating her! And now they are gonna eat me! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! (fly stuck on head)

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Start to tell a story, but realize that nobody is bothering to listen to you.. So you slowly let your voice fade off

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Close the Facebook page, after not having a single message in hours, and re open it in a minute, expecting numerous new messages......

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I try to eat my favorite foods slowly so I can enjoy the taste, but end up eating it really fast anyways

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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Am i the only one who noticed that the title of this page has a grammatical error?

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being a mid-teenager, never having a relationship before and don't care at all.

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working out escape routes for each room in your house when you're alone, just in case

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I prefer to masturbate by putting a fleshlight under my stuffed-toy smurfette's dress and pretend to smurf her.

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Imagining how it would feel to switch bodies with your crush

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While waiting for my food ot cook, I'll wash the dirty dishes that I used so that I don't need to wash lots of dishes after I eat.

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Think that the person driving keeps staring at me when ever they look in the mirror and I'm sat in the back.

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When I'm about to fart, I close my butthole with cupped hand to smell my own fart. Sometimes after I fart, I bend down just to smell the scent.

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Imagine that other people can see what im doing, then try to act differently.

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When I'm walking and I step on a crack with my left food, the next time I step on a crack it has to be my right foot and vise versa. I can't step on a crack twice in a row with the same foot. But I don't have to step on every crack.

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Say something smart in class, then worry your friends will rip ony uo for it half way through saying it, so end it by saying "or something like that."

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Open Fridge, look around for few seconds, say to self - 'What the f*** am I doing?'

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Whenever I read a book, in my head it all takes place at my own house, or some other familiar location.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.