Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

I look really handsome in my mirror, only to find myself looking weird in other mirrors, and like a total retard at photographies.

I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

when i m in a car i'll look at the letters on license plates and try to think of words that you can make-or almost make- with those letters

When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

Hate to type Morals under each one of my posts Moral: A small chick in the hand is better than a huge C**K up your ass. I am pretty sure not even women nor homosexuals want birds up there...Then again, I havent searched for anything like that at the intern... they are eating her! And now they are gonna eat me! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! (fly stuck on head)

Start to tell a story, but realize that nobody is bothering to listen to you.. So you slowly let your voice fade off

Close the Facebook page, after not having a single message in hours, and re open it in a minute, expecting numerous new messages......

I try to eat my favorite foods slowly so I can enjoy the taste, but end up eating it really fast anyways

Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

Am i the only one who noticed that the title of this page has a grammatical error?

being a mid-teenager, never having a relationship before and don't care at all.

working out escape routes for each room in your house when you're alone, just in case

I prefer to masturbate by putting a fleshlight under my stuffed-toy smurfette's dress and pretend to smurf her.

Imagining how it would feel to switch bodies with your crush

While waiting for my food ot cook, I'll wash the dirty dishes that I used so that I don't need to wash lots of dishes after I eat.

Think that the person driving keeps staring at me when ever they look in the mirror and I'm sat in the back.

When I'm about to fart, I close my butthole with cupped hand to smell my own fart. Sometimes after I fart, I bend down just to smell the scent.

Imagine that other people can see what im doing, then try to act differently.

When I'm walking and I step on a crack with my left food, the next time I step on a crack it has to be my right foot and vise versa. I can't step on a crack twice in a row with the same foot. But I don't have to step on every crack.

Say something smart in class, then worry your friends will rip ony uo for it half way through saying it, so end it by saying "or something like that."

Open Fridge, look around for few seconds, say to self - 'What the f*** am I doing?'

Whenever I read a book, in my head it all takes place at my own house, or some other familiar location.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.