When im blazed i like of all the stupid shit i did that day but always tell myself "its fine, i didnt feel dumb about those things sober"

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Turn the Microwave off at 1 second

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when no one is home I grab my sisters boobs she has big ones I mean it.

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On a calendar search for the picture on your birthday month

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If I'm at work and have to poop, when I get in the stall I look under the opening at the bottom for any other feet in the other stalls to make sure I am alone. I always think what if when I do that someone else does it at the same time.

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Create scenarios when you are standing around/ waiting for someone in public (ie. pretending you are sending a text to someone), in fear of what people may think if they see you standing around doing nothing.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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after switching lights..i go run as hard as i could do after reaching the bed

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When ever i hear music that i like i imagine im in a fight and i know martial arts with people i dont know

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see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

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When going to the bathroom, lock it and when trying to unlock and don't succeed immediately... ITS A TRAP! I'M LOCKED IN MY OWN BATHROOM!!

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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In case you have the ears pierced, take out the piece, and smell it, even if it smells so bad, you like the how it smells... lol

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realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

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I really enjoy spending my birthday alone. I never told anyone that.

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When you lie in bed and imagine scenarios that will never happen.

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when i am in a long car ride i look out the window and imagine im in a sad music video

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Cope with serious things by not taking them seriously.

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Picking your nose to get rid of that annoying whistling in your nose when you breathe.

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I replace every word of a song with the name of my pet

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when i realise for example that my shoes are stinking i get really paranoid and try to cover them under the table or something because i feel that everyone is thinking about it or is covering their nose or stuff

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I hum the MLP:FIM theme and hope no one recognizes the tune.

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Attempting to silently sneak a fart, then it erupts from your anus.

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If I hear a noise, it obviously means there is a monster somewhere in/near my bedroom and the sheets will protect me as long as they cover up to my chin.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.