Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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I strum my fingers on my other hand between the fingers on the other hand which is a fist to make a popping sound (Try it, it's really fun)

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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When I am in class or somewhere boring I start getting thoughts of weird senerios like a group of zombies swamping the place or being hit by an earthquake etc and being one of the surivors. But then i realise that the possibility of that happening is incredibly slim and get depressed. Bananas!

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walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

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After eating a sandwich, eat the leftover sesame seeds one-by-one.

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When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

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I don't like just killing bugs in my home so what I do is I would catch them in a tissue and flush them down my toilet

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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When in the shower, try to cross your arms and keep them as high up to your head as you can. Fill them with water and drink from it.

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Find it impossible to get rid of the itch on the bottom of my feet or my palms when they're itchy

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Whenever i do something bad to someone I can't stop smiling even though i never wanted to smile in the first place and i feel like people think I'm a terrible person

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say "ow" when your character in a video game gets hurt

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I'm in my twenties and still don't drive.

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Just think about this. I do. What if we are all a character from The Sims and there is someone controlling us as their character and we never really did anything by our own choice. Creepy.

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Sometimes I blow my nose on yesterday's socks because it is the closest thing to the bed in the morning and I'm too lazy to get up and go for a tissue. O_o

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Stare blankly at your desktop when someone walks in the room so they won't know that you were watching porn lol

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hallo

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sometime i poop in my hand, then put it in the toilet so it makes less noise and the water doesn't splash up my butt.

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i take words i just read or said and sing them to the tune of a song

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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when in the car with just one parent i get very cautious about what im thinking cuz i feel like they r reading my mind

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.