Don't have to poop for a week until I get in the shower

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Wondering who would cry at your funeral

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I get really annoyed by the constant audience laughter in some tv shows even when nothing funny is said

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Whenever i do something bad to someone I can't stop smiling even though i never wanted to smile in the first place and i feel like people think I'm a terrible person

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Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

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Tryng to run away from, or at least be faster than my shadow.

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moving your hand with objects that are already moving and pretending you have the force.

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Seeing an acquaintance who you would feel awkward talking to in a public place, knowing they see you as well, and pretending not to see them, while hoping they pretend not to see you as well.

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think that the NSA is always watching what you do online at any time you are even connected.

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I like making subliminal messages (givemeyourmoney)

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Whenever I switch sides on my bed, I feel like when I turn around some scary clown face is going to be RIGHT THERE in my face

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When I aak someone out it takes me 3-6 attempts to get the words out

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I talk excessively loud in public sometimes so people can hear my opinions. I'm just hoping someone's eavesdropping because I like the fact that they might agree with me and that they get to see a little bit of who I am. I don't even know these people.

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When your best friend has a certain make/model/color car, you start seeing it everywhere you go.

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I take receipts out of the ATM's disposal slot in order to see how much money people that I've never met have in their accounts.

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When I see someone with similar hair to mine, I stare at them from behind and try to figure out if that's what I look like from the back.

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Before going to bed look around the dark room and when you see something suspicious you have a look to see its not a person

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Whenever I read creepy pastas and there is a picture after the story I get afraid to look at it than when I do I freak out thinking it's going to eat me. Than when I look at it I shout FUUUUUUU.. Than look at it some more and I burst out laughing seeing its a fucking dumb picture.

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I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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Wrap up inside a sleeping bag and slide down the steps.

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Say 'WED', 'NES' and 'DAY' slowly in your head when spelling Wednesday.

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I eat something and read book/newspaper/magazine at the same time. Then i take food crumbs off the book and eat them too.

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Every time I see people's bare feet I'm automatically counting their toes to make sure if they have an extra toe or two.

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do math problems in my head while having sex to keep from coming

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.