When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

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Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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When you had a crush on a girl in elementary school, then don't see her in middle school and think of how much of a bitch she was. Then You start crushing on her again in high school.

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When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

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I like to watch lava lamps heat up

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Press cancel on your toaster before it finishes so that you can eat faster

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Reading all these posts and being reminded that we are all more similar to each other than we think, regardless of whatever group each of us may belong to.

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Get scared of the dark while in bed, so you make sure all limbs are tucked nice and tight under the covers. Once done, you now feel safe..

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I look for comments in this site that are on or close to 0 so that when i like or dislike them, i make a difference to the outcome :)

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I watch American football with the sound down low because the announcers are always trying to tell us that we didn't see what we just saw when the referees make bad calls

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Sometimes I like to count the amount of steps it takes to get upstairs/downstairs. Then I realize that the number is never the same.

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pissing really fast to remove shit stains in the toilet

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When I am walking at night, I see a slight shadow behind me for a second, I walk faster, I see the shadow again, I think it is some kind of scary monster and then I decide to run for my life. When I get back home, I realize the shadow is my shadow.

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Seeing an acquaintance who you would feel awkward talking to in a public place, knowing they see you as well, and pretending not to see them, while hoping they pretend not to see you as well.

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when something on the internet is loading really long i close all the other tabs so my computer can concentrate only on one thing and then i get annoyed because i have to open up all the tabs again

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Invented a special password for yourself in order to recognize yourself if travel through time.

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Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

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I worry because I keep wondering why I worry.

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Run into a wall and say "I'm sorry" and then realize that it's just a wall.

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Fart after someone else farts sop that no one will know you did too.

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Hate Skydoesminecraft.

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Whenever I watch TV, the volume has to be on multiples of 5. Even if the perfect volume is in between.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.