Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

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Cringe when remembering something weird about you that happened years ago

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Make odd grunting noises and sighs of relief while going #2.

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I HATE minecraft gift codes and the morons who post about them. I wish those morons would get off my planet.

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Think about the things you could do with you had the power to stop the time.

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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When I'm walking on the sidewalks, I make a game of how to walk on the pavement squares so I don't step on a line.

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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I imagine that there are lines coming out from things and I don't step on the lines (columns, buildings, walls, corners, etc.)

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I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

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Press harder on the remote when I know the batteries are dead.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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Tells a joke only you thought was funny and still laughs then laughs harder because your the only one laughing nikki

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When I'm walking and I step on a crack with my left food, the next time I step on a crack it has to be my right foot and vise versa. I can't step on a crack twice in a row with the same foot. But I don't have to step on every crack.

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Sometimes, after I say "bye" to a person on facebook, I wait a few seconds before I log off so that it seems like I said "bye" to other people too. Because I'm just that popular.

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I use the internet to validate that weirdness is not actually weird at all.

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when I have an itch on my hand I scratch it with my stubble

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draw the sun at the corner of the page

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When watching the news and see all those children and other innocent people die at wars, in my mind I shout at God and ask him why he doesn't give me the sign and my powers to save the world. J.C.

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When A situation Doesn't go how I wanted it to go, It annoys me so much I sometimes shit in my hands and clap.

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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When eating chips I always look at each side before eating it to choose which side will taste better

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Get bored of regular porn and watch some bestiality just for the variation.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.