dream about the most amazing guy/girl that you have a relationship with and hope it comes true

thumb_up thumb_down -81

When I'm in the shower and I hear a noise I automatically think someone broke into my house and killed my family and that they're coming for me and I will have to fight off the killer naked.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

When receiving instructions from people one on one, whether it's a man or a woman, I wonder what they would do if I kissed them while they are talking.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

outside in the dark see a face in the tree thinks its bigfoot come to get me!

thumb_up thumb_down

I can't piss with my shoes on.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Rubbing the corners of your lips on the side of your hand and smelling it.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

When i want to write a joke on anti jokes.com i laugh at my friends instead!

thumb_up thumb_down -75

When I am driving, I hate everyone else who is driving.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

thumb_up thumb_down -87

when watching a movie or tv show, i think i am the main character and when it does somthing stupid i become embaressed

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Think about when im old and im dying and under what circumstances,and think will i remember this day when i thought of it and think,shit that was fast,almost like sending myself a message to the future...if that makes any sense lol

thumb_up thumb_down -2

I used to peep when my relatives are watching porn, back when i was a kid. After that, i feel like i wanna pee.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Pee in a glass and pour it down the sink, if someone is using the bathroom already.

thumb_up thumb_down -82

watch raindrops race down a window and see which one wins

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Judge a stranger in your mind (God, they're ugly/fat etc.) then wonder if they heard you thinking it.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

Sittig on a table donating sperm to my friend gabe

thumb_up thumb_down -54

When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Start to pray at night, but get bored and stop in 2 min.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Feels my beard with my tongue.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Has anyone else ever wondered why the women in shows and movies lie with the blanket covering them after apparently having sex with the other person.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

I invented this game in the bathroom called "start peeing before the light fully lightens up".Its kind of a challenge because if i actually succeed i might not pee in the right place.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Sometimes, I skim through the Terms of Service just to make sure I'm not selling my soul or promising my first-born.

thumb_up thumb_down +603

I meow when my cat meows.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.