I hold in my shit only because i am soo occupied with my current task.

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Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

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Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

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Yelling my cats name in my mind to see if i can get him to look at me using the power of my mind

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When someone close to me sadly passes on and later when I am listening to the radio if I hear a song that sounds suitable to that moment I kind of make that our song if that makes sense to any of you

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hug the pillow at night so it protects me from monsters

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when i watch a movie, and a character in it gos underwater, i hold my breath with that person until that person gets above water, then i let go, either that, after the character comes up from the water, i still hold my breath until i cant take it anymore.

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When i need to poop i place toilet paper over the water so it doesn't splash up and hit my rectum.

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have fake conversations that might happen in the future...so ur prepared

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my favorite singer is Bles Bridges 22/07/1947-24/03/2000

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when I take a big dump I turn around to see how big it is

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im going to kill that person and get away with it

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When I walk past a homeless person asking for change, I avoid looking them in the eye and walk faster.

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Turn on Fox News and wonder if I'm watching a bad comedy routine or news reporting.

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Closed the door to the refrigerator super slow, just to watch the light turn off.

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Saying something stupid and then claiming it was an inside joke so you don't look stupid.

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when you are you a self flushing urinal/toilet you think it is a tiny camera and think someone is watching you so you rush to finish using the bathroom

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Clenching my fists, imagining I have wolverine claws coming out of my knuckles

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I worry because I keep wondering why I worry.

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Whenever on a car ride, pretend you are in a military convoy and shoot at pursuing helicopters and soldiers.

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go to the bathroom, turn on the hot water, get undressed so that the water has time to heat up

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only read the short jokes on this website

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Laugh quietly to myself in public then cough to make the laugh seem like a it was a cough so people won't think I'm weird.

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Sometimes, I ask myself philosophical questions. The one that is bugging me now is "If reincarnation is real, why is this life so vivid?"

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.