Get distracted during fap dreams and thinking of your mom and then going OMG GROSS OH GOD IM A PERV!!

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Cringe when remembering something weird about you that happened years ago

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Hate when you finish a cup of pudding or something like that and you don’t want to get up to put the spoon in the sink so you just leave it sitting in the cup but the spoon is too tall for the cup and it falls over.

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Every time you use a vending machine you hope you get lucky and 2 things drop down.

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I have tons of imaginary conversations in my head with people I know, but they never happen. It's worse when something funny happens in the imaginary conversation and I laugh to myself, and if someone notices I can't even say that I was remembering something because I wasn't, it had never happened...

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every single time a sad song comes on your ipod you imagine yourself in a movie, gloomily looking out a window or sitting alone on a bench.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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before going to a party, i rehearse the conversations i expect to have with the people who will be there (even though those conversations never actually happent)

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When taking a pee instead of standing in front of the toilet stand in the side so if someone walks in they wont see your penis

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during texting you set your phone in your lap right before a car is about to pass you so they dont see you texting and driving

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when watching a movie or tv show, i think i am the main character and when it does somthing stupid i become embaressed

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(2) When listening to someone I maintain eye contact, but don't actually hear a word they say, just thinking about the eye contact...

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Change my name on Siri on iPhone to something hillarius and make it say my name

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My dreams are almost always bizarre in some way - the only time they're ever normal is when they're the premonition type, and then they're about completely uneventful things but accurate down to the tiniest detail.

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I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

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Walking around store and store clerk asks are you finding everything ok..and you reply yes and you...

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I will look up the definition of a word in a text message before I use it just incase I'm using it in the wrong context.

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When theres a car just like yours right next to your car in the parking lot you almoat always gravitate to that car instead. It's the worst when there people in the car and you keep trying to open it.

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Get freaked out when door bell or phone rings when you are doing something you are not supposed to.

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only turning the TV volume to numbers ending in 5

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Too lazy to exercise. Think to self "I'm gonna work out tomorrow." - instantly feel better about self. Still didn't exercise.

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Wish that Mexicans would go fix things in their own country instead of coming here unwelcome and demanding things instead.

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When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.