When I'm home alone at night I check around the corners to make sure there isn't anyone there

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See a ridiculously hot girl and wonder to myself "who is the guy who gets to have sex with her. And why does she like him?" As if that can help me bag an equally hotter girl.

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say to my friend do you ever think that someone else is thinking the same thing that they are thinking at this moment in time and then SHYT in there mouth. Normally they gurggle it in their throat, before swallowing it and making a pedo face, and sometimes i bike naked and shit on cars with diorrea so it explodes on the windows.

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Suddenly thinking that this is all a dream, and having to pinch yourself to make sure it isn´t. Or is it?

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Thinking of a song to get an annoying one out of your head, then realizing that one's even worse.

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Always check the other side of the shower curtain when showering out of fear that someone is on the other side

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I feel like people next to me can read my mind so if I start thinking about something sexual it feels super awkward

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I don't care about gender stereotypes. Moral: If I want to like Pink unicorns I will like them!

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pluck dried pieces of poop in your butt hair

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Close all the windows on my computer when parents walk in.

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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Archer's Pam poovey, Lana Kane and Malory makes me horny

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You question gods existence and evolution but then quickly tell herself hes real so you don't get struck with a lighting bolt

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I'm not a pessimist I'm a realist.

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When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

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I purposely try to burp as loud as I can in public. –Ikka.

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When I look at a digital clock, i try to rearrange the number to make them a math equation

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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looking at the last page of thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com to see how weird some people are...

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Every time I walk up the stairs in my own house, I feel compelled to do it on all fours.

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Sometimes I reflect on my life and just feel humiliated.

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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get a new *to you* car, and suddenly every other car on the road is the same make/ model..... hey look! an outback!

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right click refresh on desktop. Repeat

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.