I hold in my shit only because i am soo occupied with my current task.

Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

Yelling my cats name in my mind to see if i can get him to look at me using the power of my mind

When someone close to me sadly passes on and later when I am listening to the radio if I hear a song that sounds suitable to that moment I kind of make that our song if that makes sense to any of you

hug the pillow at night so it protects me from monsters

when i watch a movie, and a character in it gos underwater, i hold my breath with that person until that person gets above water, then i let go, either that, after the character comes up from the water, i still hold my breath until i cant take it anymore.

When i need to poop i place toilet paper over the water so it doesn't splash up and hit my rectum.

have fake conversations that might happen in the future...so ur prepared

my favorite singer is Bles Bridges 22/07/1947-24/03/2000

when I take a big dump I turn around to see how big it is

im going to kill that person and get away with it

When I walk past a homeless person asking for change, I avoid looking them in the eye and walk faster.

Turn on Fox News and wonder if I'm watching a bad comedy routine or news reporting.

Closed the door to the refrigerator super slow, just to watch the light turn off.

Saying something stupid and then claiming it was an inside joke so you don't look stupid.

when you are you a self flushing urinal/toilet you think it is a tiny camera and think someone is watching you so you rush to finish using the bathroom

Clenching my fists, imagining I have wolverine claws coming out of my knuckles

I worry because I keep wondering why I worry.

Whenever on a car ride, pretend you are in a military convoy and shoot at pursuing helicopters and soldiers.

go to the bathroom, turn on the hot water, get undressed so that the water has time to heat up

only read the short jokes on this website

Laugh quietly to myself in public then cough to make the laugh seem like a it was a cough so people won't think I'm weird.

Sometimes, I ask myself philosophical questions. The one that is bugging me now is "If reincarnation is real, why is this life so vivid?"

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.