strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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Playing a sad song that talks about your current situation and then looking in the mirror or out the window pretending you are in a sad music video.

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At school I go along with the norm even though inside I HATE it!!!!

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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Whenever on a car ride, pretend you are in a military convoy and shoot at pursuing helicopters and soldiers.

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open the fridge A eat food B think

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Clenching my fists, imagining I have wolverine claws coming out of my knuckles

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Every time I walk up the stairs in my own house, I feel compelled to do it on all fours.

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At the store then mom leaves to get something then u start panicking as the cashier begins paying and you thing she will charge yo already

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I avoid my wealthy but cool relatives because I don't want them to think I want money

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I have a feeling that life is a Video Game for another Universe. When the player looks at their computer screen, they see what I see. They control everything I do. Like The Sims games. Everyone else is either other players in a multiplayer server, or they are are all fake, computer players.

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in the morning when you wake up and take a shower you make weird faces to stretch out and "warm up" your face for the day

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When serving grilled steak, I always make sure I get the best one.

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pluck dried pieces of poop in your butt hair

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invent arguments in my head with people to hone my debate skills for future arguments.

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When I'm in the shower I act like I'm filming a music video.

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When I am listening to my ipod in the car or on a bus, i always remove an earphone to check if i am breathing really loudly.

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realize you are saying your thoughts outloud.

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Shit in the shower and pushing it down the drain with your feet

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When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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I always have excellent manners when eating around others, but when I'm alone I eat like a pig and have no manners.

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Doing something, and someone asks you what you're doing, and you realize you can't remember. Then they walk off and the instant they're gone, you remember.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.