Solving your problems in bed before sleeping and then forgetting all of the solutions when you wake up. This applies to games, homework, and world hunger.

Have a sudden urge to say "bomb" at an airport.

Why are the rich so friggin unhappy?

I pick a green crayon from crayon box but it's one of those yellow-greens that look yellow and now my clover will be half yellow forever.

when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

clean my ears with finger if they feel dirty...eat it.

I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

I was the real Stig...

When I'm home alone, I get paranoid and think that someone is watching me and I try to act cool and funny just to impress them.

browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

Sometimes I reflexively say "ouch" when I drop an inanimate object and I'm not even hurt.

In a meeting at work, you imagine throwing coffee into your boss's face, just to see what he would do.

Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

Making "X's" with your fingernail on bug bites to get rid of them.

Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

Not being able to balance in heels because the insides are smothered in foot sweat. -_-

send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

I save my files as "askjaskjaks" because I'm too lazy to give them a proper name.

Put things in the front of the dishwasher 1st cause im to lazy to pull the whole thing out to put anything in the back or the right place.

Boring car ride? Read every food & drinks rapper you can find .

masturbate... with condoms and gloves because male genitalia is gross and clean up takes just a few seconds rather than minutes

when someone is talking about something i have no idea of and then asked me if i agree I'm like: oh yes! and then promptly changing subject so they won't find out

When I have a bottle in my hand and nothing to do in class. I read the nutrition facts and ingredients 2 to 4 times until the teacher says something.

I stay vigilant while i shower in case killer/zombies come into my house..

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.