Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

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I sometimes go out of my way to make sure I have my iPhone with me in the bathroom while taking a poop.

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If I'm home alone, I tell myself good night when I am getting cozy in bed. I even use my name.

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I don't like to answer the phone because it is never for me.

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I'm constantly struck with this odd sensation that I didn't wipe my ass well enough.

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I pee in the shower. :3

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If I'm in my room and I need to fart, I walk into someone else's room and fart in there so that my room doesn't stink up.

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When you sit down to use the toilet, start, and then realize that the window is open and people can hear you.You then either search for something to mask the sound or proceed to relieve yourself by making as little noise as possible (ultimately failing)

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When you tell yourself that this is the last page you'll read and end up reading three more.

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Whenever I walk through automatic doors I say "Thank You"

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Look to the right, and see nothing. Look to the left, and see nothing. Look to the right again, and see the chick from the ring (or some scary shit) standing there.

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I pee in the water of the toilet to make bubbles

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Add numbers on license plates of cars around me while waiting at a light.

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Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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Make a weird face when taking a picture with a friend, never see the picture, so you try to remake the face you did in a mirror to see how stupid you looked...

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Feel uncomfortable with the TV volume on an odd number

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When you walk across a cross walk and you stretch your steps so it takes one step for each line, yet you still try to look casual because ur in public

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My brother (who is 2 years younger) and I have our own language, consisting of movie quotes and silly stuff we made up when we were little. We speak it with abandon when we're alone, and try as hard as we can to suppress it when we're with a friend. But sometimes some of it slips out, and the friend looks at us like he's the guy who isn't in on the joke; I always get the feeling he or she thinks the two of us are crazy. By the way, if you're the third person in company with two close siblings who are speaking their own secret language, don't ask them to explain or look at them like they're crazy. They're not nuts, and you won't understand, even if they try to explain. Just let it pass.

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When I see something on facebook i dont like, I like it just so i can unlike it.

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when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops

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When I'm in the shower, I'm afraid something might try to kill me so I shower with my glasses on.

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sometimes i mouth improvised, ridiculous sentences in the mirror to see what i look like when i talk to people

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When I'm making a weird face, I remind my self to stop before it gets stuck like that.

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Pretending you're a badass character from an anime or movie when listening to rock music (or something similar)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.