Every time i get a new video game i read the back of the case and the pamphlet the whole ride home

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sitting in the passenger seat of the car, move my head around gently to guide a piece of dirt on the window in the foreground around the obstacle course of trees, streetlights etc in the background. Also, imagine my eyes are projecting lasers which cut through anything and carve the passing world up to my design.

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I make all the faces on my money face the same way.

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Sometimes there is a hair in my butt and then I pull it slowly out. And it feels funny.

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Sleep with one leg on top of the covers and the rest of your body under them.

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im going to kill that person and get away with it

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suck my own penis

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Whenever people dare accuse me of being too full off myself I tell them. Moral: I cant get to full of myself, the more me, the less you, ALL THE BETTER FOR EVERYONE! WE ARE VICTORY! (except you)

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If someone uses a term thats like, in the know, and they ask if i know what it means, ill act like, of course ido, even if i dont, and then ill go home and look it up.

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trip over nothing. break into spontaneous dancing.

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brush the dandruff from my eyebrows

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I think of unbelievably perverted things seconds before I am about to cum when masturbating.

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Courtesy flush.

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if your listening to music, move the volume up and down to experience the bass a lil better

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Putting your bra on your dogs dead

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If people knew what I am really thinking about while they are talking to me... YIKES!

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CORRECTION, THINGS I KNOW ONLY I DO. OWN YOU ALL HAAAAAAAAAAAARD! Moral: DOUBLE FLAWLESS! EXPLOSION SOUND!

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

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I can't drink while I'm walking I have to stop.

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When you're chatting with a friend while you're walking around and not really paying attention then you turn around to took at your friend and you realise you've been talking to someone you don't even know the entire time.

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i see almost everything as a sign

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fart then blame it on the guy next to me realizing theres no one near me and everyone looks at me....awkward

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Pick out an object ahead of me on the footpath and guess which foot will step closest to it

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.