Solving your problems in bed before sleeping and then forgetting all of the solutions when you wake up. This applies to games, homework, and world hunger.

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Have a sudden urge to say "bomb" at an airport.

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Why are the rich so friggin unhappy?

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I pick a green crayon from crayon box but it's one of those yellow-greens that look yellow and now my clover will be half yellow forever.

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when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

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clean my ears with finger if they feel dirty...eat it.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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I was the real Stig...

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When I'm home alone, I get paranoid and think that someone is watching me and I try to act cool and funny just to impress them.

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browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

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Sometimes I reflexively say "ouch" when I drop an inanimate object and I'm not even hurt.

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In a meeting at work, you imagine throwing coffee into your boss's face, just to see what he would do.

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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Making "X's" with your fingernail on bug bites to get rid of them.

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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Not being able to balance in heels because the insides are smothered in foot sweat. -_-

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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I save my files as "askjaskjaks" because I'm too lazy to give them a proper name.

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Put things in the front of the dishwasher 1st cause im to lazy to pull the whole thing out to put anything in the back or the right place.

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Boring car ride? Read every food & drinks rapper you can find .

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masturbate... with condoms and gloves because male genitalia is gross and clean up takes just a few seconds rather than minutes

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when someone is talking about something i have no idea of and then asked me if i agree I'm like: oh yes! and then promptly changing subject so they won't find out

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When I have a bottle in my hand and nothing to do in class. I read the nutrition facts and ingredients 2 to 4 times until the teacher says something.

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I stay vigilant while i shower in case killer/zombies come into my house..

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.