When a male dies and screams in pain in a movie, I feel normal about it. When a female does, I feel bad and want to help.

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When I'm on an escalator going up, I always imagine myself falling back and how incredibly painful (and possibly bloody) it must be.

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Dad, what's that dark place over there? That's Chorley son, you must never go there.

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I always think I have special powers

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Cry every day just because it makes you feel better.

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I save my files as "askjaskjaks" because I'm too lazy to give them a proper name.

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I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

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Wonder if certain people can read my mind... start thinking weird stuff and try to stop.

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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Find myself thinking a completely random meaningless sentence as I'm falling asleep with no idea how I got to that thought.

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Masturbate while waiting for a game to load.

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I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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When I Download A Song Or Movie And The Download Speed Slows Down I Think The FBI Is Tracking Me.

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I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

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Fantasize about shooting one of those trucks that have some sort of liquid in them and watching them blow up.

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pick nose in car and realize people can see you when stopped at a red light

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Reading the terms of service :O....

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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When I'm home alone, I start hearing random noises and think someone is breaking in.

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Burp, and then automatically say burp afterwards.

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I have always belived that I invented calling Target " Tar- jhay"

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Whenever I hear someone say a word in a way that I like, I repeat it.

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You're taking a poo, and you're bored. You use your thighs as drums to pass the time.

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I wish I can go somewhere where there is no influences trying to get me to buy a product or be a certain way

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.