I will look up the definition of a word in a text message before I use it just incase I'm using it in the wrong context.

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Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

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I still hum songs that I made up when I was a little kid

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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when someone says something like 'it's too late' i always start singing 'to apologizeeeeee' even though i think people are annoyed of me always singing along to their sentences and changing the meaning, but i just cannot stop it

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Check your analog watch, wait for it to strike a minute, then look away and try to count 60 seconds out in your head before you look again. However many seconds you were away is your new record.

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Cry every day just because it makes you feel better.

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When I'm on Facebook, I don't like anything in my news feed thats older then 15 minutes or else i'll feel like they think ima creeping on them.

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seeing small spots in your eye (dust probably) and then chasing them with your eye trying to catch them

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i would air drum even if theres no music playing

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Hearing a noise and turning around to see if theres a monster in the room, and when you see nothing you think "hmm, he hides everytime I turn my head around." and then for the next minute you try to suddenly look back to see if you can catch it off guard.

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Go through funny pictures and memes on Facebook, and then accidently miss one and ten when you click to go back you have to go through like 5 more to get back to the one you want.

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Give your neighbors names from movies.

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Absentmindedly rub your stomach while lying down watching or reading.

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getting really nervous about random white vans that drive by you.

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Embarassingly repeatedly use of the word "bro" when irritated or excited.

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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When I'm on Facebook, I flip between someone's most recent profile picture and their first one, just to see how much they've changed.

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Rub boogers under the arm rest on the couch.

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Checking your phone for a text when you know you don't have one. Matt

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Popping your finger in your bellybutton, and then smelling it. You secretly like the cheesy smell.

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When I look at a digital clock, i try to rearrange the number to make them a math equation

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find a nice photograph of food from the web and post it on fb just to watch my retard friends make a big deal out of it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.