Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

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Press cancel on your toaster before it finishes so that you can eat faster

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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I wipe the part of the glass or water bottle i drink from

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Sometimes I cant sleep without something making noise , like a fan .

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I walk into a room and forget why I'm in there.

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I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

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Become paranoid that this is not the real world, and instead is some coma induced dream.

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Eat or drink something tpretending it's some sort of fuel that'll give you powers.

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you turn the dial on your microwave until it reaches as far as it can go

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Go on Omegle video chat and worry that you'll see someone you know

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After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

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try to cut corners in my house and hit the wall

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After I flush the toilet, I run out of the bathroom really fast.

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Have to catch my significant other when they lie, not because I really care but to prove I'm smarter

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Every room I go into I imagine like there's one of those DVD screen savers that bounces off the walls and i try to guess when it will hist a corner perfectly

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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wear warm clothes on hot days -jesse

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toilet:a place for reading and going on fb shower:place for singing school:place for sleeping and fuck others.internet:place for shitting brixs.

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After hearing a song, you think, oh i have never heard of that before, and then you start hearing it every single day....

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Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

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Have a sudden urge to say "bomb" at an airport.

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When I have my headphones in, and I'm miming the words to a song in the bathroom pretending that I'm playing a gig. I put the tap on to make sure no one hears me dancing.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.