I trap my farts under the covers and sniff them all up or cup them in my hand and sniff real hard to get the smell.

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I have to put the radio volume in multiples of three and my daughter has to put it in multiples of five so when we are together it either has to be on 15 or 30.

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wipe your armpit and then sniff it to see how bad you smell

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Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

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When I get a worksheet or a piece of paper with BIG TITLES I immediately shade in all of the gaps in the o's, p's, d's and all other 'hole letters'. And then I start shading in all the words when I finish.

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I always feel like i have to eat something while watching a movie that I've seen so many times.

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Wanting to change your name to Peter Jankins

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get so shitfaced you wake up in a closet with piss everywhere

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I read these not only for fun, but to feel in touch with my humanity.

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I cant ride a bike

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I have never watched Star Wars.

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I always get paranoid when I go to take a shit because I leave the computer on and somebody comes in the room where the computer is.

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Every time I see a pretty girl,the first thing I think is how I'd love to pin her down and tickle her.

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Write my own music without literally writing it on something even though I'm only grade 3

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When people are whispering you think they are saying bad things

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Everytime I get new magazines or brochures in the mail I like to open them and smell them. Same with new electronics, I love that new smell.

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Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

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when i eat, i sometimes switch which side of my mouth i chew my food with to even it out.

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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In the shower, or just when I'm alone, I imagine having confrontations with people in my life and play out the entire conversation by myself, lip syncing the words with emotions and all.

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when i'm in a really good mood i think everybody is watching and admiring me

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Reherse jokes/phrases to say to friends in school tomorrow

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.