Sweep up the dirt into the dustpan and sweep the stuff you can't get under the cabinet.

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singing along to a song that you think you know the words to.. but you dont

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Sometimes, I wonder why god or the big bang ever existed in the first place and why there is a universe in the first place ... And it makes my brain hurt!

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Miss the bus, keep running pretending I was going somewhere else.

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Pretend to be texting to look popular in public

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1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

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I'm in a hurry I press the elevator button several times

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fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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try as hard as possible to not use the last of the toilet paper so you don't have to change the roll and inadvertently force someone else to do it.

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When I'm peeing in the urinal, I aim to the side so it doesn't deflect back on me.

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having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

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getting really nervous about random white vans that drive by you.

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When I drop something, I stand there and watch it fall, I stand still because I'm afraid that I'll maybe mess up something else, instead of picking it up quickly. Am I the only one? ;)

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When I tell human garbage that I am the Fallen Angel, they laugh at me, then I make them spontaneously combust. Moral: What moral whore?

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thinking that the 'writing comments procedure' on this website is extremely irritating.

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Write things in the air with my finger, and then erase the words with my hand.

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I plant my feet firmly when the subway approaches in case a random stranger tries to kill me by pushing me in front of the train.

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I forget I turned the toaster on and jump when it goes off.

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Not eat French fries because I don't like the taste rather than because they are unhealthy?

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You always go to the corner of the shower when the cold water is running.

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rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

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When I say, "What?" after understanding exactly what someone said.

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Convince yourself that all of your friends are partying together without you when they dont respond to your text messages.

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I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.