play with a knife and pretend to be a master blade wielder

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When sitting on the pot I whip and then I feel like I have to crap again.

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Only one tissue left in the box... I'll just use toilet paper.

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when riding home on my bike with music on pretenend im in a race with no1 and commentate on iend get really exccited on the last straight especielly when a rocky soundtrack song comes on

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Check the lint filter on the dryer every time I walk into the laundry room.

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After washing butt, turn my butt towards the shower and spread butt cheeks apart to wash the soap out of my crack.

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Constantly hearing your name in public and asking "did you just hear my name?"

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Pee while setting down even if your a dude.

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I always have to watch the credits of a movie even, though everyone else has left the theatre and there are people cleaning up the seats, which makes me think, they think i'm crazy.

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wonder why the word "MORTGAGE" has a T in it?

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When at a friend's or another person's house, I pee while standing up. But at home, I always sit down when i pee.

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I giggle in my head when anyone says duty.

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look at bins as i walk past them

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sometimes, i smell my own farts.

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Drum on the chair between your legs and wonder if people think that you're playing with yourself.

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When I create a situation in my mind where someone is making me mad, then I actually get mad.

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When I get the chance, I always nick a chip from my mum's or dad's dinner.

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I imagine myself having a superpower that could make people see from my point of view. I would just have to lay a hand on them, and suddenly they would understand who I really am.

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get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

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When I'm in the shower, I'm afraid something might try to kill me so I shower with my glasses on.

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Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

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Guessing how many people are listening to the same song at the same moment as you

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When I play Sims, I feel like God and wonder if we, in fact, are just the players in God's Sims game. Hmmmm...

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think that the NSA is always watching what you do online at any time you are even connected.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.