Sweep up the dirt into the dustpan and sweep the stuff you can't get under the cabinet.

singing along to a song that you think you know the words to.. but you dont

Sometimes, I wonder why god or the big bang ever existed in the first place and why there is a universe in the first place ... And it makes my brain hurt!

Miss the bus, keep running pretending I was going somewhere else.

Pretend to be texting to look popular in public

1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

I'm in a hurry I press the elevator button several times

fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

try as hard as possible to not use the last of the toilet paper so you don't have to change the roll and inadvertently force someone else to do it.

When I'm peeing in the urinal, I aim to the side so it doesn't deflect back on me.

having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

getting really nervous about random white vans that drive by you.

When I drop something, I stand there and watch it fall, I stand still because I'm afraid that I'll maybe mess up something else, instead of picking it up quickly. Am I the only one? ;)

When I tell human garbage that I am the Fallen Angel, they laugh at me, then I make them spontaneously combust. Moral: What moral whore?

thinking that the 'writing comments procedure' on this website is extremely irritating.

Write things in the air with my finger, and then erase the words with my hand.

I plant my feet firmly when the subway approaches in case a random stranger tries to kill me by pushing me in front of the train.

I forget I turned the toaster on and jump when it goes off.

Not eat French fries because I don't like the taste rather than because they are unhealthy?

You always go to the corner of the shower when the cold water is running.

rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

When I say, "What?" after understanding exactly what someone said.

Convince yourself that all of your friends are partying together without you when they dont respond to your text messages.

I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.