Take a side of bacon and jack off watching Babe.

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I hug-squeeze the bread to get all the air out before putting it away.

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Teacher asks class a question, so I put my head down and pretend to take notes.

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Thinking epic thoughts like "Man, had a great workout today" just in case someone is reading my mind.

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Try to pee on the toilet-paper in the toilet so it rips in half

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I constantly get itches. On awkward parts of my body. In public places. And it's torture.

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worry about other people hearing you pee when your in the bathroom.

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Air guitar to a song of how you think it would be on a Guitar Hero game.

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Bathroom occupied, piss in the kitchen sink.

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When I hear a sound that I don't know what is, while I'm in an unfamiliar place, I wipe off and then touch as many surfaces as possible. It makes me think that if I'm taken by some scary person, my fingerprints will be easily found. I'm not sure why that would help in many cases, but it makes me feel better.

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Hate Skydoesminecraft.

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Tape your dick to your leg to fit into tight pants

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When approaching a stoplight, I evaluate the vehicles in front of me to determine which ones I think will take off faster so I can get behind them.

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eat the salt from the bottom of the pretzel bag

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misread dig bick

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Bored. Open refrigerator. Nothing to eat. Open it again five minutes later.

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i always wipe the ketchup off my face with the bread of my sandwich

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When going to the bathroom, lock it and when trying to unlock and don't succeed immediately... ITS A TRAP! I'M LOCKED IN MY OWN BATHROOM!!

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I hum the MLP:FIM theme and hope no one recognizes the tune.

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sitting in the passenger seat of the car, move my head around gently to guide a piece of dirt on the window in the foreground around the obstacle course of trees, streetlights etc in the background. Also, imagine my eyes are projecting lasers which cut through anything and carve the passing world up to my design.

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Yelling my cats name in my mind to see if i can get him to look at me using the power of my mind

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feel that the horsehead network captchas can read my mind. kind of scary.

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I wish I can go somewhere where there is no influences trying to get me to buy a product or be a certain way

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shag your mom

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.