Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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I love the feeling of covering my entire body in Barbisol shaving cream,shaving my cock n balls,then masturbating.have you ever done this?

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I never find things funny unless I'm in a completely silent room, and it is then that I think or see something funny and begin to almost cry of laughter.

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worry about your eyebrows sneaking their way up and making wrinkles on your forehead

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Go through funny pictures and memes on Facebook, and then accidently miss one and ten when you click to go back you have to go through like 5 more to get back to the one you want.

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I'm not a pessimist I'm a realist.

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When I walk past a homeless person asking for change, I avoid looking them in the eye and walk faster.

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Try to fly by jumping and then discover you can't

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Smile like a damn dork when I watch romantic movies.

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Have a big twitch, freak out when you are dosing off in class but suddenly wake up.

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Turn on Fox News and wonder if I'm watching a bad comedy routine or news reporting.

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If I'm at work and have to poop, when I get in the stall I look under the opening at the bottom for any other feet in the other stalls to make sure I am alone. I always think what if when I do that someone else does it at the same time.

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Yelling my cats name in my mind to see if i can get him to look at me using the power of my mind

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Covering the movement sensors with toilet paper on public toilets incase it's a secret camera.

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When doing your hair or makeup you pretend your doing a tutourial when nones around

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I trap my farts under the covers and sniff them all up or cup them in my hand and sniff real hard to get the smell.

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Math tests-doing all the work for a problem only to find out my answer is not any of the multiple choices.

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When alone and listening to music I pretend that I am the artist and dance around the room like its the music video or I am on stage.

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I sometimes start moving my hands around "making them fight" pretending they are tiny fighters.

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Fart and walk away from the stink area very quickly so nobody will know you made it.

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When I eat potato chips, I lick each side to make sure the really salty part is down.

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Whatever situation I am in, I always start to invent rhythms with everything i have around, e.g. my legs, voice, tables or sometimes even the ground.

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When I see a typo ANYWHERE, I feel compelled to correct it, even if there is no possible way for me to correct it

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Leftovers are better than the actual meal ;)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.