I'm so used to pooping with my phone that everytime I forget it I take less than 5 minutes, versus the usual 26.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Go to the same website two days in a row and then never again after that

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Looking around in disgust at your messy room and then doing nothing about it.

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

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Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

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I sometimes go out of my way to make sure I have my iPhone with me in the bathroom while taking a poop.

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If I'm home alone, I tell myself good night when I am getting cozy in bed. I even use my name.

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I don't like to answer the phone because it is never for me.

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I'm constantly struck with this odd sensation that I didn't wipe my ass well enough.

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I pee in the shower. :3

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When you sit down to use the toilet, start, and then realize that the window is open and people can hear you.You then either search for something to mask the sound or proceed to relieve yourself by making as little noise as possible (ultimately failing)

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Whenever I walk through automatic doors I say "Thank You"

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Look to the right, and see nothing. Look to the left, and see nothing. Look to the right again, and see the chick from the ring (or some scary shit) standing there.

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Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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Feel uncomfortable with the TV volume on an odd number

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When you walk across a cross walk and you stretch your steps so it takes one step for each line, yet you still try to look casual because ur in public

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My brother (who is 2 years younger) and I have our own language, consisting of movie quotes and silly stuff we made up when we were little. We speak it with abandon when we're alone, and try as hard as we can to suppress it when we're with a friend. But sometimes some of it slips out, and the friend looks at us like he's the guy who isn't in on the joke; I always get the feeling he or she thinks the two of us are crazy. By the way, if you're the third person in company with two close siblings who are speaking their own secret language, don't ask them to explain or look at them like they're crazy. They're not nuts, and you won't understand, even if they try to explain. Just let it pass.

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When I see something on facebook i dont like, I like it just so i can unlike it.

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when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops

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sometimes i mouth improvised, ridiculous sentences in the mirror to see what i look like when i talk to people

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Pretending you're a badass character from an anime or movie when listening to rock music (or something similar)

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Try to acomplish getting the rest of your meal reaady before the microwave timer goes off.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.