masturbate... with condoms and gloves because male genitalia is gross and clean up takes just a few seconds rather than minutes

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after doing the dishes i get my hands wet after putting my jumper on cause i failed 2 dry my hands propley my arms a f***** cold dammit!!

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I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

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Count how many steps there are in a stairwell I use often and then try to take it by same number each time... Eg if there are 16 then always go by twos and missing the others!?!?!?

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right before I go to sleep, I think about a certain situation. so I will dream about that

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Walk around downtown and spot good camping spots or sniping spots, cause life is a FPS.

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when im alone and in a bad mood i make stupid faces with my eyes closed and try and figure out how stupid i looked. then i start laughing hysterically because i think that im an idiot. then i repeat this process until i have to pee from laughing so hard because im already in the bathroom so why not utilize the toilet, rather than waiting for a commercial and speed-peeing because im scared that i missed some of the show i was watching :D -Grace-

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Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

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When I masturbate I trade hands often in fear that my penis may become crooked.

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When I drive I cut corners even at low speeds so that the people behind me think I am experienced race car driver.

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Feel bad about hurting someone a long time ago, when I was a child, and wish I could speak to that person and say "I'm sorry." Cringe whenever the thought of the incident rises.

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I hate being called "buddy".

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im going to RAPEEEE that girl

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Pee in the shower.

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When I'm in a room with other people, no matter who they are, I make myself choose the person I would tolerate the best having sex with just in case of a disaster and we need to procreate.

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Suddenly thinking that this is all a dream, and having to pinch yourself to make sure it isn´t. Or is it?

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Get excited when your friends think your favorite song is cool.

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Gotta sleep with a fan.

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When i'm in the front passenger seat, I still move my foot like im the one driving...

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Shudder when someone bites down on icey poll or an ice cube

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try to cut corners in my house and hit the wall

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Eat everything inside my burgers first then i eat the buns.

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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Become paranoid that this is not the real world, and instead is some coma induced dream.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.