Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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take 2 coffes in 2 seconds cause dont remember the first coffee! o.O

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At the peak of orgasm, i used to think that im making out with someone else (like my crush) to make me cum.

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I used to peep when my relatives are watching porn, back when i was a kid. After that, i feel like i wanna pee.

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i feel relived after i prick and see that hard-white thinggy that oozes outside my annoying acne.

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After eating a sandwich, eat the leftover sesame seeds one-by-one.

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Tip my couch over to dig for something I have lost and then end up finding a bunch of random crap.

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Slowly close the fridge door to see when the light bulb turns off.

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While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

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Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

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see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing

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Whenever I see a girl, I always do the math for how good they would be for banging

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Roll my eyes with them closed when I am annoyed with someone

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When I have a good dream I can't remember it the day after, but I can remember another dream I had a year ago.

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after brushing my teeth I chew on the granules that are on my teeth

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Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

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fart and talk thinking it will cover the smell

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arrange certain social situations with attractive girls just to make spank bank deposits.

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saying long strings of unconnected words in your head and wondering if you just said something that noone else ever has

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Check the shower before you pee to make sure nothing is waiting there to literally get you with your pants down.

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When you can't use your hand to push a door, kick it and say "THIS IS SPARTA!!!"

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I constantly talk to myself.

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Checking your phone for a text when you know you don't have one. Matt

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.