Sometimes I think ''Someone somewhere in the world just got slapped'' or ''Someone just took a nasty shit''.

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wipe your armpit and then sniff it to see how bad you smell

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I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

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Sometimes I look at a digital clock and try to force the numbers to change with the power of my mind.

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Wonder if I have a twin across the world and he makes all the opposite decisions.

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I imagine myself having a superpower that could make people see from my point of view. I would just have to lay a hand on them, and suddenly they would understand who I really am.

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When you Sitting on the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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put a load of loo roll in the loo before taking a dump at work so it silences the landing.

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Yell at game shows when the people are stupid

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It takes half as long to take a dump if I forget my phone.

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When i talk i say i like how or i hate that.

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sitting in the passenger seat of the car, move my head around gently to guide a piece of dirt on the window in the foreground around the obstacle course of trees, streetlights etc in the background. Also, imagine my eyes are projecting lasers which cut through anything and carve the passing world up to my design.

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Write b as d and d as b or p as q and q as p. I mostly write b as d and d as b since I've learned the alphabet. Trying not to do that now

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not eating the ends of a hotdog.

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Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

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While trying to sleep I obsess over the little red LED on the TV set which I can't even see unless I lift my head from the pillow.

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i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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When you think thoughts, you think them in complete sentences as if you were saying them and in your accent.

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Thinking that out there, on this earth in a lost city, there is an awesome clone of you.

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I eat spoons of dry hot chocolate powder when nobody is around.

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Leave the fan on at night just in case you feel to warm.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftcodes.info <

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.