Sometimes I think ''Someone somewhere in the world just got slapped'' or ''Someone just took a nasty shit''.

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If someone asks me if I want something and they get up to get it and im sitting down, I say " oh I can get it" eventhough they are already up just to not seem like a lazy piece of shit

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I post morals under every one of my new comments. Moral: Duh, I am moral man ffs! What do you expect! Its awesome! If things go at this phase I will be a celebrity in... hmm... in never!

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If I drop a piece of candy on the floor, I have to drop another piece so it won,t be lonely

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I have memorized most commercials and recite them when they come on the tv.

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

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Sometimes I wonder if the blue/green/red etc. I see is the same blue/green/red etc. you see

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I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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I wonder why the word ISLAND has an "S" in it?

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Smell my fingers after I pick u pennies or unlock the door with my keys!

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While trying to sleep I obsess over the little red LED on the TV set which I can't even see unless I lift my head from the pillow.

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When realizing i'm being a little bitchy, I laugh and smile right after my sentence to make myself seem a little nicer.

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I have the background on my computer a picture of some cartoon characters,and when I'm alone I talk to the screen like those characters are actually in the room. -Briarwoodninja

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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when I'm lying in bed and I really have to fart, I lift up the blanket, stick my ass out and fart into the night air to keep the stench out of my bed

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When you get out of the shower and you're too lazy to get dressed, so you just hang around in a towel.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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When you stop to tie you shoe, you re-tie the other so one isnt tighter than the other.

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When I make croissants from the Pillsbury can, I'll take one of the little triangles and eat it, because I like the consistency of dough, and i like the fizzy feeling of the yeast on my tongue.

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seeing small spots in your eye (dust probably) and then chasing them with your eye trying to catch them

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Write a post and then find that someone else has already said it, but in a different way...wtf I'm really annoyed. And they have more likes too.

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Whenever I fart, I always smell it. But when other people fart, I don't want to smell it.

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Talk out loud so my brother can hear me because no one ever wrote that they can read your minds. And i want him to know ineed him in my life still so I randomly say things out loud to him on accident. People always look at me with hidden shock wide eyed.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.