in the morning the first thing I do is pick my nose n eat it n then I smell my discharge

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Create scenarios when you are standing around/ waiting for someone in public (ie. pretending you are sending a text to someone), in fear of what people may think if they see you standing around doing nothing.

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Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

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Hate to type Morals under each one of my posts Moral: A small chick in the hand is better than a huge C**K up your ass. I am pretty sure not even women nor homosexuals want birds up there...Then again, I havent searched for anything like that at the intern... they are eating her! And now they are gonna eat me! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! (fly stuck on head)

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Naming you're offspring Peter Jankins

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LOG OFF OF ICHAT BECAUSE THE PERSON U WERE JUST TALKING TO WENT OFFLINE.

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I can't get out of bed in the mornings unless the alarm clock reads 0 or 5.

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Get angry at someone for not knowing something I haven't told them about.

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try to get abs by doing the stupidest things

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Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

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Rubbing the corners of your lips on the side of your hand and smelling it.

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I really enjoy self-pity.

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Fart and walk away from the stink area very quickly so nobody will know you made it.

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I tilt my head back and eat grapes pretending like im a greek god

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try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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When I am drinking coffee and I am nearly finished I swish the coffee to get the last of the sugar

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I have mixed emotions when I drop a piece of food on the ground, like a chicken nugget, M&M, scoop of ice cream, etc - because part of me thinks it is sad because its only goal in life was to be eaten... but then the other part of me is happy for it, because it is possible that it *didn't* want to be eaten and has just made a successful escape. O_o

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stop the microwave when I hear the food popping

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I see some one I have a crush on in the hallway and I walk towards them and brush my arm against them and be like OMG I TOUCHED HER!

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look at bins as i walk past them

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In the shower i let water run down my hands so it looks like i'm shooting water out of my fingers.

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I often think I have the greastest taste in everything

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I hate people who shows-off their SLR Cameras. I mean, so you're a human now because of that?

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only read the short jokes on this website

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.