Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

When I notice that I have just breathed in/out, for the next minute or so I feel like I have to make a conscious effort to keep breathing.

Think about Facebook chats when your offline!? P.S Am I the only one, REALLY!

Every time you use a vending machine you hope you get lucky and 2 things drop down.

eat chicken, lamb anything with bones with a knife and fork while avoiding using your hands because it makes them dirty

Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

When reading something on the internet highlighting the words, they don't even have to be what you'r reading just highlighting large sections of the article at random.

When I am surfing the web and i go to another website i see an ad that was about something i just viewed from previous website I wonder if a little man is inside my pc keeping catalog of every website that i visit.

Go to get a drink and by the time you get there you already forgot what you were doing.

Flexing your abs when you put on deodorant so you dont look fat

I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

Think it's awesome when I look at a clock and it reads the same numbers that my address starts with.

whenever there is a person I really, really hate, I imagion them dying in a cruel and painful way.

When I'm doing a spelling test, I spell a word and read it over and over again until it loses its meaning.

pick leaves of bushes while im walking and rip them up into small pieces

Walking with your friend talking about everything then you and your friend walk by someone you don't know and it gets awkwardly quiet

make sure you hit every crack in the sidewalk evenly. slowly over time, you discover that you found an awkward walking pace to match the obsession.

Being from another country and always thinking in english.

Stepping on people's feet when I approach to kiss/hug/say hi to them.

when your walking past a chain link fence you slide your fingers along it because it feels cool

Get angry at someone for not knowing something I haven't told them about.

sleep with your legs crossed like your meditating.

Not buying a product you might have otherwise been interested in simply because you think their TV ad is stupid.

IM 13 years old when i touch something i have a feeling and wont let me do anything until i touch it again or 4 times or sometimes even 16 times i cant live like this its weird!!!!

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.