Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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i cant fall asleep unless i suck my thumb...

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Talk to my cat.

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Videotape my mother in the shower.

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lie on the couch with my head upside-down and imagine what it'd be like to walk around on the ceiling, and if you were to flip the house over so the floor's the ceiling, what you'd have to nail down to keep in place.

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Look at adigital clock sideways when in bed while tryingto sleep and try to make the numbers look like faces

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I often force my mind to think that i'm slowing down time at will just to feel awesome (like when walking down the street i try to make the all cars slow down).

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touching something (like a crack in a wall) and then thinking to yourself that your the only person thats ever touched it..

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getting furius wen ppl hav bad speling n grammer

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When I'm in the shower I condition my pubes so they get nice and soft.

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When I first start dating or seeing someone I write down options for conversation starters before I phone them in case it goes silent.

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fart and talk thinking it will cover the smell

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'horse-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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Feel all cool and look suspiciously at everybody else while leaving the theater after a good dramatic movie.

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I feel no shame that I am a camgirl online and bring in about $2800 a month just to flash guys my boobs. :)

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Know you have enough milk in your cereal when you start to see it peek through the cracks

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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creating your own personal perfect partner in romance or frendship, almost like a imaginary friend (but you don't speak to them out loud)

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I sit in my sink and pretend that I am water.

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When i'm in a classroom I think about all of the possible ways to save everyone if something bad happens.

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When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

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CORRECTION, THINGS I KNOW ONLY I DO. OWN YOU ALL HAAAAAAAAAAAARD! Moral: DOUBLE FLAWLESS! EXPLOSION SOUND!

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When I look at a digital clock, i try to rearrange the number to make them a math equation

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shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.