looking at the bottom when i meet foreigners talking among themselves... dang. no subtitles.

thumb_up thumb_down -100

When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Always run up the stairs as if someone was chasing you.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

thumb_up thumb_down -108

Wipe drink can with shirt after someone (mainly father) has had a sip.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Stand really close to the mirror and look myself in the eyes. Try to scare myself or make a really fast movement, hoping my reflection can't keep up.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Go into a shop that you thought would have some interesting things, but when you find that it dosn't, you quickly browse the shop for a bit so that you don't offend the cashier by entering and leaving immediately.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Never write LOL on a text message, because you don't want to sound too extreme

thumb_up thumb_down -9

I giggle in my head when anyone says duty.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Right before I go to the dentist I brush my teeth.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

When I'm eating ice cream in a bowl I stir it until it becomes like ice cream soup.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

If someone asks me if I want something and they get up to get it and im sitting down, I say " oh I can get it" eventhough they are already up just to not seem like a lazy piece of shit

thumb_up thumb_down -44

When I am walking and accidentally touch a strangers hand I pretend it never happened -Marquez, P

thumb_up thumb_down -67

I only EVER take my watch off if I need tto put on big gloves, like cricket gloves.

thumb_up thumb_down -97

Imagine the perfect video game and wonder why nobody made it yet.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Your mom

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

thumb_up thumb_down +61

my favorite singer is Bles Bridges 22/07/1947-24/03/2000

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

I wear my boxers so I can poop through the pee hole

thumb_up thumb_down -20

I imagine myself dying in the worst possible way more than once a day. I don't know...today, I was driving on a bridge and all I could picture was it collapsing and falling onto me, When I'm lying in bed, I imagine my ceiling fan toppling me.

thumb_up thumb_down +274

Leftovers are better than the actual meal ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -56

When I see a 20th Century Fox movie, I always sing the intro.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.