try to get abs by doing the stupidest things

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get bored so I fist myself for money

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Sometimes when I go to a drive in restaurant, and get an order of fries, I empty the bag out, and there are a few fries in the bottom of the bag. I Enjoy those the most, as I feel they were free

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Miss the bus, keep running pretending I was going somewhere else.

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Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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When I am walking at night, I see a slight shadow behind me for a second, I walk faster, I see the shadow again, I think it is some kind of scary monster and then I decide to run for my life. When I get back home, I realize the shadow is my shadow.

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When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

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read on youtube comments with too unlikes

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Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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take 2 coffes in 2 seconds cause dont remember the first coffee! o.O

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At the peak of orgasm, i used to think that im making out with someone else (like my crush) to make me cum.

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I used to peep when my relatives are watching porn, back when i was a kid. After that, i feel like i wanna pee.

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i feel relived after i prick and see that hard-white thinggy that oozes outside my annoying acne.

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After eating a sandwich, eat the leftover sesame seeds one-by-one.

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Tip my couch over to dig for something I have lost and then end up finding a bunch of random crap.

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Slowly close the fridge door to see when the light bulb turns off.

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While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

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Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing

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Whenever I see a girl, I always do the math for how good they would be for banging

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Roll my eyes with them closed when I am annoyed with someone

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When I have a good dream I can't remember it the day after, but I can remember another dream I had a year ago.

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after brushing my teeth I chew on the granules that are on my teeth

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Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.