strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

Whenever on a car ride, pretend you are in a military convoy and shoot at pursuing helicopters and soldiers.

You take showers on school morning because you like to stand there under the hot water just thinking about life while your warm

When I am listening to my ipod in the car or on a bus, i always remove an earphone to check if i am breathing really loudly.

Doing something, and someone asks you what you're doing, and you realize you can't remember. Then they walk off and the instant they're gone, you remember.

Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

Change my music to something cooler than the song im listening to when i pass by other kids my age

when you bleed you suck your own blood

I hit the frig after sex

Look at my poop before flushing

At night, everytime when i walk past that curtain lampost, it goes off.

If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

forget i left the light on somewhere in the house and when i see it on i think a ghost did it..

Look at restaurant signs and realize the font isnt as fancy as you once thought

I have autofocus in my eyes.

When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

when you are pooping you fart and it scares you a little bit.

Mix my coffee with the spoon upside down.

you look at someone and they look toward you and you look away quickly then you look back to see if they are still looking.

Touching your nipples at night wondering if anyone else wanted to touch them all day :)

Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

Call out the mistakes I see drivers make in front of me.

Wally,you mean Obamney is the only choice?

in a grocery store, only walking on the colored single tiles the entire time your in there pretending there small cliffs without touching the white one otherwise you fall and fail.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.