you turn the dial on your microwave until it reaches as far as it can go

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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when you dont know what someone said so you just awkwardly start laughing and it turns out not to be funny.

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While I Am on the computer late at night, my Mum tells me to go to bed, I say I will in a second. I stay for a few more minutes, my mum tells me again, I do the same thing...

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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log off the internet then think of something and go back on

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Never step on manholes, because I'm afraid to fall in.

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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stop the microwave when I hear the food popping

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Make pictures on the bathtub wall using the clump of hair from the shower drain.

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I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

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Waking up from a dream that you thought was real life, and thinking,man i wish that was real...

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Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

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I sleep naked cauz It's dead sexy.

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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When I tell human garbage that I am the Fallen Angel, they laugh at me, then I make them spontaneously combust. Moral: What moral whore?

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When I first start dating or seeing someone I write down options for conversation starters before I phone them in case it goes silent.

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chewing icecream before you swallow it

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Reading all these posts and being reminded that we are all more similar to each other than we think, regardless of whatever group each of us may belong to.

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Moisturize "down there" after a really drying wipe session.

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Thinking you can do parkour even when you cant and the have a friend over and try to show off

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.