If I'm walking across a road and a car stops to allow me to pass, I say 'Thank you' even though I know full well they cannot hear me.

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Check the toilet paper after every wipe.

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When no one's at home, the house turns into an action movie set. Going to my room turns into sprinting up the stairs and purposely stumbling to give the effect that bombs are going off. And always make it to the room in time to hop on the last helicopter out of the jungle.

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When taking a dump in a public restroom, if someone else walks in, I wait until they leave the restroom before finishing up and leaving the stall, just to make sure they don't see who I am.

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Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

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sometimes when i fart i feel like i pooped a little in my underwear but tell myself ''no i didn't'' but feel poopy until i check.

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Aim at shit stains whilst I pee.

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Know you have enough milk in your cereal when you start to see it peek through the cracks

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Get bored of regular porn and watch some bestiality just for the variation.

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feel disappointed when i find out that a p0rn scene is just the actor's dream or imagination.

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Give vocal commentary on the song I just played when I'm the only one in the car.

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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Vote for the other guy

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Pull your headphones away from your ear when you're listening to music to see if it's too loud.

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I like wet humping better than f*cking. but sometimes it slips in anyway, and it's that's pretty enjoyable too. and mt girlfriend is cool with. ... so it's actualy pretty whatevs either way. but wet humping is my jam.

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I thought I was disgusting until I read the top voted things here. Floral: Actually pretty neat.

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Turn on Fox News and wonder if I'm watching a bad comedy routine or news reporting.

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Whenever you are in a quiet room and are trying to eat a food that is very loud to chew (like chips) you try to chew slowly or alter your chewing style so noone will think your too loud

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Try to put in USB drive into computer, and no matter what, always ends up trying to put it in upside-down the first time.

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Being afraid to up-vote the embarrassing posts on this page for fear that it might somehow post onto my Facebook.

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Awkward moment... Pretend to send a text.

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I sit on the toilet and pretend to tell someone about how awesome my life is when it isn't.

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Sometimes I reflect on my life and just feel humiliated.

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SOMETIMES I SHIT ON MY HAND.... IN THE SHOWER

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.