Sittig on a table donating sperm to my friend gabe

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I HATE minecraft gift codes and the morons who post about them. I wish those morons would get off my planet.

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after you've been in a fight i usually think up some epic move i could've done instead.

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Wish that Mexicans would go to their OWN country and stop living tax free in OURS.

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reading thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com at the office when you're supposed to be working then checking that the guy next to you doesn't notice. and quickly clicking a different tab when someone is walking or standing nearby.

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I click my teeth to music

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My hoodie/jacket strings HAVE to be equal in length, or I pull them then restretch the hood out to make them even.

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Turning on the TV for background noise when I'm on my computer.

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When I read something someone you know has written I read it in their voice.

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Go up stairs two steps at a time. Avoid those stairs forever if there are an odd number and I have to end in a single step.

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When I'm bored in school I always imagine the teacher asks me something and my response is starting to sing a song. Somewhen some of my friends sing along with me. Then the whole class sings this song. We run out of classroom into the hallways and every other pupil comes out their classroom to see what's happening. Then They all sing along with me. We run out of school and sing and dance like in a musical. Then I actually remind myself, its impossible that every student knows the lyrics of the song I'm just thinking of and get depressed again.

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When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

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whenever there is a person I really, really hate, I imagion them dying in a cruel and painful way.

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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brush the dandruff from my eyebrows

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When someones talking to a group of people that I'm in and says something bad that I do but think nobody else does, I stand perfectly still and don't blink and breath as quietly as possible until the next subject arrives.

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Coughing really loud to cover up the sound of your fart, then shitting your pants.

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use my phone as an alarm clock for waking up. but sets the time in PM instead of AM.

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After having an argument with your partner you text them later then halfway thru the text you forget hat you were going to say back track and tell them you love them! "didn't matter really did it lol"

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in the morning the first thing I do is pick my nose n eat it n then I smell my discharge

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Create scenarios when you are standing around/ waiting for someone in public (ie. pretending you are sending a text to someone), in fear of what people may think if they see you standing around doing nothing.

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Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

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Hate to type Morals under each one of my posts Moral: A small chick in the hand is better than a huge C**K up your ass. I am pretty sure not even women nor homosexuals want birds up there...Then again, I havent searched for anything like that at the intern... they are eating her! And now they are gonna eat me! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! (fly stuck on head)

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Naming you're offspring Peter Jankins

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.