Feels my beard with my tongue.

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Try to pet your cat with your foot.

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When the wind is blowing like crazy, I pretend I am the god who controls it.

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Locking your pet in the room and forcing it to spend time with you.

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fart and talk thinking it will cover the smell

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Brake for tail-gaters

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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Sometimes when I'm laughing really hard I awkwardly clap my hands.

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pee when you are dreaming haha lol

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Sometime i'll see someone or something like a person or a car and visualize a big meteorite smashing then out of nowhere.

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When I can't find my phone so I panic and shearch everywhere only to find out it was in my pocket.

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Post one on this site thinking everyone will love you but then you realize you're the 2,833 person to post on this site and no one will ever see it. If this is still where it was when I posted it, then congratulations! You've read through 300 FUCKING PAGES! (that meant go get a job)

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after doing the dishes i get my hands wet after putting my jumper on cause i failed 2 dry my hands propley my arms a f***** cold dammit!!

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saying long strings of unconnected words in your head and wondering if you just said something that noone else ever has

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feel legitimately bad for Wile E Coyote whenever he does not get the road runner

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I always have to know exactly what time it is before I go to sleep, just so I can figure out exactly how many hours of sleep I will get.

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When you're all alone, practice for an interview you're bound to have when you're rich and famous and say other people's responses when they are asked about working with you.

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Cannot even read a word when a blonde lady sits in front of me in a library.

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I like to watch online videos of people and pause the video mid sentence to see the faces they make frozen mid speech

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when i am in a long car ride i look out the window and imagine im in a sad music video

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A lot of times I believe things I see or things that happen are "signs" of something.

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When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.