Any time I shop for used clothes, I always have to ask, “Did anybody die in this?” –Ikka

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when on a bus, pretend to fail to see your acquaintances to get some rest and avoid boring conversations.

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When posting these, I'm rarely able to read the words/letters in the box that prove you're human and not some computer virus. Now I'm starting to think I'm not a human......

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When something says "I have read and agree to the terms of service" I quickly skim through it nd act like I read it.

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Wonder if certain people can read my mind... start thinking weird stuff and try to stop.

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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when i have a head or toothache...i hit it harder thinking it will stop or get better

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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I type out something I think is funny, then wonder if people will think I'm weird and erase it.

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Go on this site to feel normal.

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Try to pet your cat with your foot.

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Making "X's" with your fingernail on bug bites to get rid of them.

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When I say, "What?" after understanding exactly what someone said.

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I look really handsome in my mirror, only to find myself looking weird in other mirrors, and like a total retard at photographies.

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When the hero of a movie is drowning I hold my breath to see if I would survive.

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If I hear a noise, it obviously means there is a monster somewhere in/near my bedroom and the sheets will protect me as long as they cover up to my chin.

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When a person tells you: Oh you like Lana Del Rey? Me:No,I like the wall

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Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.