When I take a shower, I screw with my iPod for a half an hour "Waiting for the water to warm up".

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See how fast and accurate i can use the fast forward on my dvr and applaud myself when i go full speed and stop 2 seconds before the show is back on.

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The only time I seem to look at the clock is when the numbers read my birth date.

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When I'm in a hurry I brush my teeth while peeing because I think it saves time.

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Every time you use a vending machine you hope you get lucky and 2 things drop down.

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When I'm in the shower, you think of arguments that can occur, then think of good comebacks to say to your opponent. And when it actually does happen in real life, you don't have the courage to say it.

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I never side with the majority (if given a choice.)

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When I was a little kid and something scared me (i.e. feel like being watched when I walked through the forest in the dark) I began to sing... and then I felt somehow protected. Weird, isn`t it?

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Think about breathing...

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in the morning the first thing I do is pick my nose n eat it n then I smell my discharge

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When you're having a discussion or an argument with someone and you are about to say something important then you completely forget what you were going to say.

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My bedroom is at the end of the house, so when I turn the light out and sprint to the lounge room, thinking Jeff the Killer could get me...

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Create a post on this site, and then feel really depressed when I get a ton of thumbs down, even when I give MYSELF a thumbs up.

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Pretending I'm in a phone call when I don't want someone to talk to me.

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jack off

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If someone asks me if I want something and they get up to get it and im sitting down, I say " oh I can get it" eventhough they are already up just to not seem like a lazy piece of shit

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When I'm walking on the sidewalks, I make a game of how to walk on the pavement squares so I don't step on a line.

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use the restroom at a different floor/building when taking a dump at work.

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When approaching a stoplight, I evaluate the vehicles in front of me to determine which ones I think will take off faster so I can get behind them.

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If I'm in my room and I need to fart, I walk into someone else's room and fart in there so that my room doesn't stink up.

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Eat something that will make crumbs over the sink because you are too lazy to get a plate

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Waking up from a dream that you thought was real life, and thinking,man i wish that was real...

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Wearing cheap CZ rings to either stop guys hitting on me or pretend I'm engaged.

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Thinking of a song to get an annoying one out of your head, then realizing that one's even worse.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.