check to see if post has any likes right after posting it. then have second thoughts about it.

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"????????? ???? ?????! ??? ?? ???????? UH1 HUEY!!! ??? ?? ???????? ??????? ??????????? ?????, ????????? ?? ??????? ? ??????????????? ???????!!! ?????? ????, ???????????????? ?? ???????, ?? ?????? ??????? ?? ????! ???? ???????????? ???????, ????? ??????? ???? ??? ?????????, ? ??????????? ?????, ??? ????????? ??????? ??????????? ?????!!! ? ??? ?? ????? ???? ??????? ??????????? ??????????. ???????? ????????,???? ????, ??? ??????? ?????? ??? ????? ??? ????? ???? ? ??????. "

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Use an entirely different vocabulary in your head than everyday life.

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I like to sleep on the floor; my my cushion is too soft.

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think that your whole life is just a dream and that you're going to wake up someday

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When approaching a stoplight, I evaluate the vehicles in front of me to determine which ones I think will take off faster so I can get behind them.

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Realising that there are ASSHOLES posting dumb shit on this site.

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Say 'she's not here' when someone that I don't know calls and asks for me.

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I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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Sometimes when you are looking down at a book or something you look up because you think you saw a person. Nope it was a tall lamp with a coat hung on it. Find youself periodically looking up every 5 minutes to make sure.

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When I am listening to my ipod in the car or on a bus, i always remove an earphone to check if i am breathing really loudly.

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Aim at shit stains whilst I pee.

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Get really annoyed when something interrupts your yawn... then try and force yourself to complete the yawn

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even though you know you turned the light off, you have to go check before you can get to sleep

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Reading these, realizing that you don't do some of the things on the top of the list, and wondering if you're weird.

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Someone asks you "what's up" and you awkwardly reply "good".

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When I see someone I know walking toward me as I'm walking toward them from a long way away, I pretend I don't see them until we're right on top of each other, then, miraculously discovering them, I smile and say, "Hi".

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twirl your penis in a cirlce and make the woo woo sound

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whenever there are automatic doors at a store i use "the force" to open them

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Checking your phone for a text when you know you don't have one. Matt

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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Feel like you sing wonderfully when you are alone, but feel like you sing horribly in front of others.

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Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.