Think a really Fu**ed up thought in your head, and then get mad at your brain for even coming up with it, and finally trying to think really nice thoughts to make up for it.

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Whenever I go to a new place, I look around and carefully plan my escape route in case of zombies.

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get insulted when lazy people cheer you to work hard

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When i lie, i try not to swallow because i think they'll notice - John

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Sometimes when it's very windy, i Loudly yell "Stop". The Wind most often seem to lower it's intensity or completely blow off.

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If there's a mirror i look if there's people around looking at me, and if there aren't it's ok to stare at my reflection.

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I dont know weather or not to flush the toilet at night incase i wake somebody, its even worse in other peoples houses.

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Sometimes I beat box when I am alone.

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wait up to 14 days just to find the opportunity to use one, really good, joke.

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Tryng to run away from, or at least be faster than my shadow.

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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i wonder why someone decided to spell words unusually for example why couldn't because be spelt becuz the way it sounds?!

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Knowing and feeling that the whole world is out to get me............ And only me......... I know.......... Weird right??????

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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When they say the name of the movie in the movie i get excited o.O

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Reherse jokes/phrases to say to friends in school tomorrow

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Look at a friend and realize that you have forgotten their name...

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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When laying in bed I put the covers over my head and act like I'm in different places..caves..tent..etc..

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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When I'm eating ice cream in a bowl I stir it until it becomes like ice cream soup.

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I don't care about who a celebrity dates or marries. Why should I?

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Instead of using the twist ties on bread, I spin the bag of bread and then tuck the flap underneath.

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pee in my pants on purpose for the fun of it

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.