I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

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I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

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Putting salt on dry toast, yum!

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Feels my beard with my tongue.

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watch lesbian porn instead of normal because you hate have other men in the picture

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Go outside and pee.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Feeling sorry for objects to throw away!! Haha anyone els?

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I can't help but wonder why people write things on web sites and don't bother checking their spelling. Now they look like an idiot no matter how funny or interesting it might have been.

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Search "sex" whenever you see a dictionary.

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After having an argument with your partner you text them later then halfway thru the text you forget hat you were going to say back track and tell them you love them! "didn't matter really did it lol"

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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When I'm walking I look up at nothing in particular and it causes everyone else to look up too!

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Constantly refresh your email page even though you know nothing will appear.

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I feel no shame that I am a camgirl online and bring in about $2800 a month just to flash guys my boobs. :)

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I sit in a chair upside down and pretend like i'm walking on the ceiling.

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Try to flip the dice at the casino to my number with my mind

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When I'm about to go to the bathroom, I think of a million things that I have to do and try to do them all before I pee my pants.

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when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

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When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

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Realizing that when you look behind a shower curtain before using the bathroom and actually see a Serial killer, you have no plan...

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A stranger makes me mad. Spend all day thinking about badass things that I should have done/said.

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Fall asleep at night fantasizing about how you wish life situations would play out.

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Pronouncing 'garage' as 'grozhh'

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.