spank it during my commute if I am in traffic

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Pee in my work garbage can.

thumb_up thumb_down +583

i can't watch the t.v. unless the volume ends in a 0 or 5

thumb_up thumb_down -25

When I touch something with one hand I have to touch it with the other in the same way just to be fair to both hands

thumb_up thumb_down +746

While reading these posts on here, I find that I do a lot of weird things that I've never really thought about.

thumb_up thumb_down +770

I rape small children ;).

thumb_up thumb_down -270

Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Think up a come back three days after it would have been useful.

thumb_up thumb_down +800

Saying "ow" even though whatever happened did not actually hurt, but you thought that it would.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,578

When i'm in the front passenger seat, I still move my foot like im the one driving...

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Laughing randomly because you remembered something that was funny earlier

thumb_up thumb_down +1,397

Feel all cool and look suspiciously at everybody else while leaving the theater after a good dramatic movie.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Whenever I am in a dark room at night, and there is a window with blinds with a light shining through, I stand in front of it and pretend I am wearing a striped prison jumpsuit.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

I wish I was born again, but I had all of the knowledge I have now.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,224

Trying not to fart when laughing is challenging.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Hate people who don't dress like you because they're not fashionable. Hate people who do dress like you because they threaten your individuality.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

When I was little and I saw disney's hercules I had no idea why Meg was working for Hades

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Whenever another person sitting next to me at school doesn't push their chair in when they get up to leave, I do it for them because it looks more orderly.

thumb_up thumb_down +445

Sometimes i think i've been living a dream life, and one day im really gonna wake up in the middle of 9th grade math class and have to explain why i was sleeping on my desk and jerking off so much.

thumb_up thumb_down +122

Give a 'thumbs up' or a 'thumbs down' based strictly on how much you like the number it will change it to.

thumb_up thumb_down +268

think something you shouldn't, then stop thinking it, because someone might read your mind

thumb_up thumb_down +1,338

When I poop I pretend to make my wiener talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +996

Get that shiver when you're peeing.

thumb_up thumb_down +222

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.