When you accidentally like get something on your hand so you go to wash it off but feel compelled to wash your other hand too even if it's not dirty

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My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

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Sometimes I think that I'm a character in The Sims 3 and someone is controlling everything I do.

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Make a screeching noise with my mouth as I go around corners in my car too fast.

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I sometimes deliberately missed buses and trains even if I could easily board them.

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Walk away in the middle of a sitcom and then play the rest out of the episode in your head while doing something else.

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I sometimes wonder if im a baby and my whole life is just a big dream

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I make it sound like i'm ordering for more than one person when I'm really only getting fast food for myself.

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When I step on something pokey, I don't say the quick "OW" that is expected, I go the extra syllable and a say "JOW!"

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Fantasizing about your friends in like 25 years telling there teenage kids about growing up and being friends with you. When you are a huge rich and famous star.

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Press cancel on your toaster before it finishes so that you can eat faster

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I try to accomplish things while waiting for the timer on the microwave can go off.

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Watch 30 seconds of a commercial break only to realize it's dvr'd and I could be fast forwarding it.

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You like to think about how your favorite characters would react if you told them that they were fictional.

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hate it when the bottom of you foot is itchy because it feels wrong to scratch it.

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When Im bored in a house that has leafy/floral wallpaper I follow the stem with my finger all the way up to the top of the wall and then go back down again and think of a route that gets you all the way to the other side of the wall.

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if i put my shirt on backwards, instead of taking my shirt off and putting it on right, i pull my arms in and just spin my shirt.

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I yawn on command… and hate it. –Ikka

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When in long car rides I imagine a little man running or on roller skates next to the car. When A car comes he turns into a ninja and can slide under/jump over or cut the car in half.

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When ever I'm walking up or down stairs, i always have to step on the last step with my left foot.

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If I have a top comment and I see someone else does, I upvote both of ours; friendly competition.

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After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

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When I need to poop in a public toilet, I poop to the side so there's no plop.

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When you're the youngest child, you never quit feeling like a little kids, even in your 20s.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.