misread flashlight

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Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

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Pick giant boogers and eat them.

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Opens new book to random page. Reads snippet. Smiles to myself when I reach it 1 week later. -epsin

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Walking around store and store clerk asks are you finding everything ok..and you reply yes and you...

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*Sees bug on wall while taking shower* *Splashes with shower water* *Bug slides down wall* >_

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Use my phone to see what time it is

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When I'm home alone, I start hearing random noises and think someone is breaking in.

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When I'm in a room with other people, no matter who they are, I make myself choose the person I would tolerate the best having sex with just in case of a disaster and we need to procreate.

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I poop on the side of my house in the morning so I do not have to make noise then come back in.

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Sometimes while texting or messaging, I enact the physical gestures that accompany what I'm saying as if it were an in-person conversation, even though no one can see me.

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When I go up the stairs, I always have to end on my right foot. If I have to, I will even hop on one foot on the last stair in order to land on it.

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Create scenarios when you are standing around/ waiting for someone in public (ie. pretending you are sending a text to someone), in fear of what people may think if they see you standing around doing nothing.

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Sitting down on the toitlet to pee (being a male). It's so comfortable when you're tired. Also: Wonder if there's a female version of this, where girls stand up to take a piss. Just curiosity.

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Sunday's are making me feel depressed.

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Feeling guilty for something you haven't done.

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Sometimes when my mom is aking me something and then i tell her the truth i start smirking automatically as if i'd be lying because i don't know how to make a serious face

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If I'm walking in the mall and realize I'm going in the wrong direction, I can't just double back, 'cause everyone would think I'm dumb for going in the wrong direction. Instead, I perform a slow U-turn to the other side of the walkway; either that or pretend to get an important text/phone call that forces me to do the quick turnaround. SAVE!

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Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

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Whenever I leave a phone message, I feel like I'm leaving the last message I will every leave to my family in my life because I will somehow die soon. I've watched too much drama.

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Tried to suck ur own penis

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Whenever I Iook into the mirror, I think there's a second evil dimension.

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Agree with someones ridiculous political opinion just to avoid an argument.

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Constantly look at all clocks when the minute hand/digit reads '11'

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.