Thinking epic thoughts like "Man, had a great workout today" just in case someone is reading my mind.

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get really embarrassed when i leave the book i read when i poop on the bathroom counter and someone uses the bathroom.

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Hoping if I fall asleep on the couch while my family is in the room I dont have a dream about sex and wake up moaning and groaning...

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sometimes I get so bored watching tv that I have an incredible urge to throw the remote at the tv. I would never do it, but I always fear I might and break the tv.

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listening to music and not realizing ur favorite song is on until the last word

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Think that If I leave a big knife out on the counter- or a pair of tights/belt/scarf out in view, I believe that ultimately someone will break in and kill me via the aforementioned items.................and I will only have myself to blame.

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When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

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invent arguments in my head with people to hone my debate skills for future arguments.

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Whenever I'm holding two round objects, I try to juggle them.

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When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

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Search "sex" whenever you see a dictionary.

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When I check into a hotel room I think about the countless number of sex acts that has been performed in there.

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I eat one way in public and another way in private.

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Force a piss out really hard because you're in a rush.

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Listen to the same songs for years on end without ever knowing the lyrics because they've been the soundtracks for your daydreams.

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When someone is reading something I have to read it at sonic speed in my head before they get to the end and if i dont do it in time I get angry.

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I wonder if sport games are rigged?

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When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

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I like to food shop between midnight and 5 am

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rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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Take everything out of the fridge, and climb in it, and pretend your in a time capsule.

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The ability to go one hour back in time by concentrating really hard for two hours.

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put a load of loo roll in the loo before taking a dump at work so it silences the landing.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.