I hump my bed at night and pretend it's a hot model

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I sometimes go out of my way to make sure I have my iPhone with me in the bathroom while taking a poop.

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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Contract my gluteus maximus while sitting for a long time to feel more comfortable.

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Make odd grunting noises and sighs of relief while going #2.

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Whenever I have to carry a heavy box with both hands a long distance, my nose decides it's going to itchy.

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Try to fly by jumping and then discover you can't

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feel that the horsehead network captchas can read my mind. kind of scary.

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

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When I'm peeing in the urinal, I aim to the side so it doesn't deflect back on me.

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during texting you set your phone in your lap right before a car is about to pass you so they dont see you texting and driving

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apparently you turn or twist everything to tight like a sink or a bottlecap ect. "i cant open the bottle of fu***ng coke becase you "

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Take a dump in the dark... Anyone but me?

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Repeat the phrase "you too" after a comment someone makes that does not apply. Bob: happy birthday Jim Jim: you too bob. Awwww sh!t.

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i take words i just read or said and sing them to the tune of a song

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When I'm alone I occasionally like to give a little hump to the air. Not for sexual reasons or anything, just because it feels right.

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Coughing really loud to cover up the sound of your fart, then shitting your pants.

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Get my belt loop caught on the door handle,

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I keep tearing the little piece of skin next to my thumb nail until it hurts - and even if it bleeds I have to get it off.

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I mustn't step on the cracks in the pavement

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text somebody something and if they don't reply quickly, resend that same text.

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you wonder if things look the same through other peoples eyes

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I lock the bathroom door even when I'm home alone.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.