avoid using ketchup and mayo since they make everything taste like um... ketchup and mayo... which is kind of boring

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When an ice cube fall on the floor I kick it under the fridge.

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masturbate... with condoms and gloves because male genitalia is gross and clean up takes just a few seconds rather than minutes

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after doing the dishes i get my hands wet after putting my jumper on cause i failed 2 dry my hands propley my arms a f***** cold dammit!!

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I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

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Count how many steps there are in a stairwell I use often and then try to take it by same number each time... Eg if there are 16 then always go by twos and missing the others!?!?!?

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right before I go to sleep, I think about a certain situation. so I will dream about that

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Walk around downtown and spot good camping spots or sniping spots, cause life is a FPS.

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Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

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When I masturbate I trade hands often in fear that my penis may become crooked.

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When I drive I cut corners even at low speeds so that the people behind me think I am experienced race car driver.

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Feel bad about hurting someone a long time ago, when I was a child, and wish I could speak to that person and say "I'm sorry." Cringe whenever the thought of the incident rises.

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I hate being called "buddy".

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im going to RAPEEEE that girl

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Pee in the shower.

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Suddenly thinking that this is all a dream, and having to pinch yourself to make sure it isn´t. Or is it?

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Get excited when your friends think your favorite song is cool.

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Gotta sleep with a fan.

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When i'm in the front passenger seat, I still move my foot like im the one driving...

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Shudder when someone bites down on icey poll or an ice cube

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Eat everything inside my burgers first then i eat the buns.

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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Become paranoid that this is not the real world, and instead is some coma induced dream.

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lie on the couch with my head upside-down and imagine what it'd be like to walk around on the ceiling, and if you were to flip the house over so the floor's the ceiling, what you'd have to nail down to keep in place.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.