When you start wondering if you're in a dream and suddenly feel trapped

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Archer's Pam poovey, Lana Kane and Malory makes me horny

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Dramatically narrate everything I do in my head as I do it.

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Act like your on a cooking tv show when your cooking

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Say a word over and over until it sounds weird

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When ever I touch something a certain way I have to touch it again exactly like I did the first time

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When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.

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get insulted when lazy people cheer you to work hard

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I get into a massive fight with my parents, and then do the thing i was told not to just so i can tick them off.

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Every time i take a drink from a cup, i rotate the cup so i never drink from the same place.

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Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

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listen to madonnas new album

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sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

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See how fast and accurate i can use the fast forward on my dvr and applaud myself when i go full speed and stop 2 seconds before the show is back on.

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Sometimes I stay as still as I can and stare at myself in the mirror until it scares me and I freak out about who I am and why I'm living. I have to think of my family and memories to snap out of it.

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Give your neighbors names from movies.

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When approaching a stoplight, I evaluate the vehicles in front of me to determine which ones I think will take off faster so I can get behind them.

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Getting really ticked off when Wikipedia tells you the ending of a book in the introduction. And the thing is that you don't even see it coming! Ex. My Sister's Keeper is about a family struggling with its own internal problems, especially with the oldest daughter having leukemia and the youngest is the only one who may or may not save her. *name* dies in the end. WTF?

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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Kick the fallen ice cube underneath the fridge

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I stare at the paint impasto on the ceiling until I see faces.

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I feel like people next to me can read my mind so if I start thinking about something sexual it feels super awkward

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In elementary school whenever it was supposed to be mental math I never did it mentally.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.