scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

when i have a head or toothache...i hit it harder thinking it will stop or get better

Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

I type out something I think is funny, then wonder if people will think I'm weird and erase it.

Go on this site to feel normal.

Try to pet your cat with your foot.

Making "X's" with your fingernail on bug bites to get rid of them.

When I say, "What?" after understanding exactly what someone said.

I look really handsome in my mirror, only to find myself looking weird in other mirrors, and like a total retard at photographies.

When the hero of a movie is drowning I hold my breath to see if I would survive.

If I hear a noise, it obviously means there is a monster somewhere in/near my bedroom and the sheets will protect me as long as they cover up to my chin.

When a person tells you: Oh you like Lana Del Rey? Me:No,I like the wall

Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

get a really delicious smelling soap or candle and feel sad when you remember you can't eat it.

Sometimes, I skim through the Terms of Service just to make sure I'm not selling my soul or promising my first-born.

I stare at the paint impasto on the ceiling until I see faces.

I get into a massive fight with my parents, and then do the thing i was told not to just so i can tick them off.

sometimes if I am going on a flight to another country I will hold a small pocket of air in my mouth before getting on the plane and then I would let it out after we land

When I'm laying in bed in the dark and I close my eyes for a while then when I open them again I quickly scan for a light source just to make sure I can still see.

Think about what to say to the person you like and never actually say it .

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.