Laying or sitting down in a really comfy position, then getting up to do something, and when you come back you can't figure out the position you just had.

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When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

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Feeling self conscious about breathing to loudly

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Playing hide-and-seek and finding the best spot ever, only to realize you have to pee

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Writing d as b and b as d or p as q

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When you have the " If I'm on an elevator and it breaks and is about to crash at the bottom, and I jump up before it does, will I live?" thought.

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When talking to someone you sometimes start with the middle of a story through the end, complete with random details that seem totally unrelated to them, and THEN you remember to tell the beginning (which is the part that actually relates to what they were talking about).

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get so shitfaced you wake up in a closet with piss everywhere

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Check behind the shower curtain for a killer.

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I randomly highlight stuff when I'm reading something, only to click outside of the text so I can actually read it.

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I don't read the terms of service.

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Count how long it takes before you stop peeing.

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Sleep in your jeans because you think it feels comfortable in the morning.

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Trying to preform oral on yourself.... And failing.

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Take nibbles whenever you get to the last piece of your burger to make it last longer.

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play Simpsons episodes in my head...way too often

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after you've been in a fight i usually think up some epic move i could've done instead.

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While driving out in the country area, I am secretly looking for Squatch

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Sometimes at night, I find myself imagining people I know saying my name, trying to get my attention in my head. They won't stop until I respond out loud.

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Pretend to talk on the phone when you see someone you don't want to say hello.

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Stepping on people's feet when I approach to kiss/hug/say hi to them.

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wonder who wrote these things

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At restaurants, eat my food in sections. Usually leafy greens, french fries, then steak/ whatever meat.

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Every time i find an insect in my basement i grab it put it in the toilet and pee on it victoriously while its being flushed down. But Im a nice guy, and i worry about this evil hatred i have towards insects.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.