scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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when i have a head or toothache...i hit it harder thinking it will stop or get better

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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I type out something I think is funny, then wonder if people will think I'm weird and erase it.

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Go on this site to feel normal.

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Try to pet your cat with your foot.

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Making "X's" with your fingernail on bug bites to get rid of them.

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When I say, "What?" after understanding exactly what someone said.

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I look really handsome in my mirror, only to find myself looking weird in other mirrors, and like a total retard at photographies.

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When the hero of a movie is drowning I hold my breath to see if I would survive.

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If I hear a noise, it obviously means there is a monster somewhere in/near my bedroom and the sheets will protect me as long as they cover up to my chin.

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When a person tells you: Oh you like Lana Del Rey? Me:No,I like the wall

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Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

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get a really delicious smelling soap or candle and feel sad when you remember you can't eat it.

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Sometimes, I skim through the Terms of Service just to make sure I'm not selling my soul or promising my first-born.

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I stare at the paint impasto on the ceiling until I see faces.

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I get into a massive fight with my parents, and then do the thing i was told not to just so i can tick them off.

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sometimes if I am going on a flight to another country I will hold a small pocket of air in my mouth before getting on the plane and then I would let it out after we land

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When I'm laying in bed in the dark and I close my eyes for a while then when I open them again I quickly scan for a light source just to make sure I can still see.

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Think about what to say to the person you like and never actually say it .

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.