check behind the shower curtain before taking a piss xD E E S

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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blow nose. look at kleenex.

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Have to have a certain light in the bathroom to poop. Also, nobody can be anywhere near me.

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I really enjoy self-pity.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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when no one is home I grab my sisters boobs she has big ones I mean it.

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i get an headache when i each cheese. but i don't get one when i have pizza or cheese and onion crisps

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I think about fat women while poking my skinny girlfriend

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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Clenching my fists, imagining I have wolverine claws coming out of my knuckles

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Put toilet paper in the toilet before i poop so the water dosent splash

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grab my cats tongue when he is licking my hand

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When I fart I immediately go 'Eww. Who farted? That's gross'. And I blame it on someone else, always works :)

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Think a really Fu**ed up thought in your head, and then get mad at your brain for even coming up with it, and finally trying to think really nice thoughts to make up for it.

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Whenever I go to a new place, I look around and carefully plan my escape route in case of zombies.

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I like to have a picture of my crush on my computer screen, and will walk around a room while he 'looks at me'.

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i open the cuboard door tosee if theres anything to eat and if theres nothing there i close it and go to the fridge if theres nothing there i go back to the cuboard =)

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must have the tv volume set to an even number or feel weird

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Close my eyes and squeeze them so I can see colorful stars and galaxies.

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When watching a video or listening to music, take earbuds out four or five times in repetition to make sure that no one can hear the audio but you, then check them again when someone comes within twenty feet of you. Then, spend the rest of the time feeling awkward and expecting someone to jump out of the bushes and take a video of that idiot with the defective headphones.

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Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

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When taking trash up to the street, I always runback as fast as I can, counting down from 5, pretending there's a sniper about to shoot me.

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Live in a house my whole life and still not know what switch does which

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.