When I look at a clear blue sky, I'm convinced that I see little tiny floaty things, and think that I'm seeing air molecules.

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Run into a wall and say "I'm sorry" and then realize that it's just a wall.

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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look around my house for something to do for what feels like an hour then look back at a clock to realize thats its only been 4 minutes

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Check behind the shower curtain for a killer.

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I have seen a UFO

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I don't leave the toilet in a public restroom until the other person leaves, so I don't have to make awkward eye contact.

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Getting over excited when you hear a song you like on the radio, even though you have it on your Ipod and can listen to it whenever you want.

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I thought the 2013 film Frozen could have gone longer

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When a male dies and screams in pain in a movie, I feel normal about it. When a female does, I feel bad and want to help.

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Sometimes I like to count the amount of steps it takes to get upstairs/downstairs. Then I realize that the number is never the same.

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say "ow" when your character in a video game gets hurt

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When I use deodorant, I flap my arms like a chicken a couple of times to get some air moving under there...

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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When sitting on the pot I whip and then I feel like I have to crap again.

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get insulted when lazy people cheer you to work hard

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Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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i fap in the bathroom because its the only room i have a reason to lock the door in.

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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think that your whole life is just a dream and that you're going to wake up someday

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Every time I watch the movie I cry when the babysitter sings that song in the blues bar in the movie "Adventures In Babysitting"

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I make a mental note NOT to buy the product or service if I feel they are trying to brainwash me with their ads.

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when passing someone in a car beside you, you try to wonder where they are going just by looking at them, their clothes or their expressions

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I prefer to masturbate by putting a fleshlight under my stuffed-toy smurfette's dress and pretend to smurf her.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.