have fake conversations that might happen in the future...so ur prepared

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I am wearing ear buds even though I'm not actually listening to anything.

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When I'm bored I argue with myself inside my head.

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i make loud noises so before i fart people cant hear it.

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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Talks to yourself in your head then replies to yourself out loud nikki

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whenever I play I spy I always use very specific things I spy for example if I would say something starting with D and it would be for dust

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think that the NSA is always watching what you do online at any time you are even connected.

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I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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Sometimes hold a piece of chocolate between your fingers until it melts then lick the yummy gooeyness off your fingers

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I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

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I combine every item on my plate in all the possible ways, then i eat the worst part of the meal and save the best part til last.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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When I notice that I have just breathed in/out, for the next minute or so I feel like I have to make a conscious effort to keep breathing.

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Think about Facebook chats when your offline!? P.S Am I the only one, REALLY!

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Every time you use a vending machine you hope you get lucky and 2 things drop down.

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eat chicken, lamb anything with bones with a knife and fork while avoiding using your hands because it makes them dirty

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Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

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When reading something on the internet highlighting the words, they don't even have to be what you'r reading just highlighting large sections of the article at random.

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When I am surfing the web and i go to another website i see an ad that was about something i just viewed from previous website I wonder if a little man is inside my pc keeping catalog of every website that i visit.

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Flexing your abs when you put on deodorant so you dont look fat

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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Think it's awesome when I look at a clock and it reads the same numbers that my address starts with.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.