im going to kill that person and get away with it

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Scratch my ass/armpit and HAVE to smell it.

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That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

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Whenever I send or receive texts, I always make it a point to have more received texts than sent ones. It makes me feel popular.

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I combine every item on my plate in all the possible ways, then i eat the worst part of the meal and save the best part til last.

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act like a giant/dinosaur while eating broccoli xD

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When I'm home alone at night, and the lights are on so you can't see anything out the windows, I will stop randomly and stare out the window to make anyone watching me think I know that they are there.

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Your mom

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When I am about to thumb up a comment here that has not happened to me, I first stop myself thinking "but that has not happened to me" then I remember I thumb up comments just because I like them and proceed to do so most of the times

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Convince yourself that all of your friends are partying together without you when they dont respond to your text messages.

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When I am walking at night, I see a slight shadow behind me for a second, I walk faster, I see the shadow again, I think it is some kind of scary monster and then I decide to run for my life. When I get back home, I realize the shadow is my shadow.

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Use head & "Shoulders" for pubic hair

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Thinking about what other poeple are doing right now... Like someone solving world hunger and your sitting there playing games and having fun with friends that are nice and healthy.

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whenever i'm talking about someone, i constantly check my phone to make sure i haven't butt-dialed them and they're listening to everything i'm saying about them!

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Having that feeling of entering the wrong classroom or bus, even though you know it is the right one.

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Being all alone in your house and your mind starts to believe its haunted.

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I eat one way in public and another way in private.

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Hold your breath when you go in bridge tunnels and compete against your friends to see who can last longer.

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Feel like you're the only one pressured into giving gum away by your friends.

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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Am I not the one who created an imaginary BAE?

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Hate to type Morals under each one of my posts Moral: A small chick in the hand is better than a huge C**K up your ass. I am pretty sure not even women nor homosexuals want birds up there...Then again, I havent searched for anything like that at the intern... they are eating her! And now they are gonna eat me! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! (fly stuck on head)

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Mares really turn me on, so I download "bad stuff" Ironically though, I worked at a farm last summer and realized there is nothing more disgusting than reality. Still mares turn me on... If on video.

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I smell or rinse cups before I put water in them. Even if they are clean.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.