When I masturbate I trade hands often in fear that my penis may become crooked.

thumb_up thumb_down -135

Download a new app, and say to myself I'll never stop playing it. Play it for 2 hours and forget about it.

thumb_up thumb_down -98

Bathroom occupied, piss in the kitchen sink.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Sometimes I unintentionally mouth the words being spoken on TV.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Before drinking the actual soft drink, I drink the fizz as fast as I can.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Go to someone's house and go and ask where something is and the person you ask just tells you without getting up (I know it doesn't go with the theme of this site but its just something annoying)

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Cuss my ass off in the morning - jd

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Having to step on snails to hear the crunch

thumb_up thumb_down +59

trying to look cool when you're driving past other cars.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

feel that the horsehead network captchas can read my mind. kind of scary.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Doing something private and think "What if my mom/dad/boss etc. saw me now?"

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Get really annoyed when something interrupts your yawn... then try and force yourself to complete the yawn

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Have a dream with horribly unfortunate events (like having an amputation or being in prison) waking up from said dream and saying something like, "Good thing that was a dream, don't know what I'd do if that was real"

thumb_up thumb_down +33

to wake up from a nice dream than try to sleep again to finish it

thumb_up thumb_down +1,671

Sometimes I imagine how everyone would react if I died.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Pretend to talk on the phone when you see someone you don't want to say hello.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

When I'm in the shower i let the water run off my arms and fingers and pretend I'm a giant god of water sending torrents to the miniature people below.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,225

Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Never tell her who I was talking to on the phone and watch her nosy butt get upset

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Wally,you mean Obamney is the only choice?

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Sometimes when I look in the mirror I mouth common words and phrases, just to see what it looks like when I talk to other people.

thumb_up thumb_down +145

Made after doomsday plans

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Wave my hand at automatic doors just as they open pretending that I have Jedi powers

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.