always want to tell my friends the nightmares I had but they don't sound as horrible as they actually were spoken out loud and then get annoyed if their no tike 'OH my god! And what happened next...?'

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

thumb_up thumb_down -78

Learn how to say "I love you" in a different language, just to say it to the person you like and observe their dumbfounded expressions.

thumb_up thumb_down -99

In school look at the wall or something and feel like only a few seconds has gone by but really thirty minutes has

thumb_up thumb_down -21

When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

my favorite singer is Bles Bridges 22/07/1947-24/03/2000

thumb_up thumb_down -6

don't wash my hands after using the toilet because its a waste of time

thumb_up thumb_down -81

Likes that girggle sound you make after a burp.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

When I see a post on this site with a single downvote I start to feel guilty and give the person an upvote because I feel sorry for them.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

waking up from an amazing/awesome dream and spend the rest of the day thinking up of new senarios to come after...

thumb_up thumb_down -95

Sometimes I wonder if my whole life is a hallucination and I'm actually in some padded room somewhere, talking to myself and staring into space while my real family mourns the fact that their daughter will never be able to live a real life...

thumb_up thumb_down +688

Count how long it takes before you stop peeing.

thumb_up thumb_down -172

Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Try to do things while waiting for the microwave.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

When something you're sat on makes a noise that sounds like a FART. So you try and do the noise again, to make sure people are aware that the noise was the chair and not you!

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Wonder if I have a twin across the world and he makes all the opposite decisions.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

thumb_up thumb_down -52

When I have a really good dream, and I wake up and realize it was a dream, I try to fall back asleep and re-visit the dream.

thumb_up thumb_down +123

Sometimes while texting or messaging, I enact the physical gestures that accompany what I'm saying as if it were an in-person conversation, even though no one can see me.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

I piss excellence, shit suppority and whip myself with greatness.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

twirl your penis in a cirlce and make the woo woo sound

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Pretend to cough in class so other people could pretend to cough

thumb_up thumb_down +15

I invented this game in the bathroom called "start peeing before the light fully lightens up".Its kind of a challenge because if i actually succeed i might not pee in the right place.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Hearing a noise and turning around to see if theres a monster in the room, and when you see nothing you think "hmm, he hides everytime I turn my head around." and then for the next minute you try to suddenly look back to see if you can catch it off guard.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.