Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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"Hey, did you see that new episode last night?" "Yeah!" "Do you remember that part when he ran through the city?" "Yeah!" LIES

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I act as though I've had movie cameras placed in my eyes and a bunch of people will watch my life as a movie at some point. And so I do a narration voice for them.

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When leaving a poop smear under the water in the toilet that doesn't get flushed away, I put a few pieces of toilet paper on the water surface to conceal it.

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Call out the mistakes I see drivers make in front of me.

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I try to fill the surface of the toilet water with bubbles when I pee.

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in a grocery store, only walking on the colored single tiles the entire time your in there pretending there small cliffs without touching the white one otherwise you fall and fail.

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When I touch something with one hand I have to touch it with the other in the same way just to be fair to both hands

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I really like the day I was born even though there is nothing special about it like Dec 25 or May 20 (Christmas or Independence day)

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I stick used soap to a new soap so I don't waste it.

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See a sexy girl, wanna go up and talk to her....cant think of anything cool to say and afraid of denial. Just me?

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Make up a song to yourself.

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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Having a dream and forgetting it seconds later.

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stare at someone then when they turn around look all around the room pretending you weren't looking at them

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I watch American football with the sound down low because the announcers are always trying to tell us that we didn't see what we just saw when the referees make bad calls

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Erasing the history cache on the computer after visiting an x rated website.

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At school I go along with the norm even though inside I HATE it!!!!

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Your mom

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watch lesbian porn instead of normal because you hate have other men in the picture

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shag your mom

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Fantasize about taking over the world, and killing all religious people.

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clean my ears with finger if they feel dirty...eat it.

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Pee in the shower.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.