Contract my gluteus maximus while sitting for a long time to feel more comfortable.

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Simultaneously apply pressure to my ears to make the surrounding noises sound weird Tristan J.

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I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

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I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

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When I post a picture on a Horsehead Huffer site that I made on Microsoft Paint, and it ends up being one of those that never load, I go back on Paint and save it again. Then I repost it, and it works.

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Everytime i take of my sweater i start singing "its getting hot in here"

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I really like the day I was born even though there is nothing special about it like Dec 25 or May 20 (Christmas or Independence day)

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Pee sitting down so I dont have to aim

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Thinking your life is a movie...

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Lay down in bed and close my eyes and pretend that the bed is slowly levitating towards the ceiling. When I open my eyes, the bed is back on the ground.

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Doing something, and someone asks you what you're doing, and you realize you can't remember. Then they walk off and the instant they're gone, you remember.

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Look at the toilet paper after i wipe my ass just to make sure i didn't leave anything behind..

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As im about to fall asleep sometimes i feel like im falling and then i have a muscle spasem and wake up.

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Think about when im old and im dying and under what circumstances,and think will i remember this day when i thought of it and think,shit that was fast,almost like sending myself a message to the future...if that makes any sense lol

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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Fall asleep at night fantasizing about how you wish life situations would play out.

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Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

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Boring car ride? Read every food & drinks rapper you can find .

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I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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when you bleed you suck your own blood

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Talk to my cat.

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squezzing moisturisure/tooth paste really hard cos the top is all dry and then a shit load comes out all at once

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.