Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

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Press cancel on your toaster before it finishes so that you can eat faster

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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I wipe the part of the glass or water bottle i drink from

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Sometimes I cant sleep without something making noise , like a fan .

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Eat or drink something tpretending it's some sort of fuel that'll give you powers.

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you turn the dial on your microwave until it reaches as far as it can go

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Go on Omegle video chat and worry that you'll see someone you know

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try to cut corners in my house and hit the wall

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After I flush the toilet, I run out of the bathroom really fast.

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Have to catch my significant other when they lie, not because I really care but to prove I'm smarter

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Every room I go into I imagine like there's one of those DVD screen savers that bounces off the walls and i try to guess when it will hist a corner perfectly

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toilet:a place for reading and going on fb shower:place for singing school:place for sleeping and fuck others.internet:place for shitting brixs.

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After hearing a song, you think, oh i have never heard of that before, and then you start hearing it every single day....

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Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

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Have a sudden urge to say "bomb" at an airport.

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Any time I shop for used clothes, I always have to ask, “Did anybody die in this?” –Ikka

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Tip my couch over to dig for something I have lost and then end up finding a bunch of random crap.

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When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

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Read things from this page and think to self: "Thank God, I thought I was the only one."

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Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

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I wonder why the word ISLAND has an "S" in it?

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even though you know you turned the light off, you have to go check before you can get to sleep

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.