Smelling food to see if its spicy.

Lie in bed at night, imagining things I want to happen in my life while trying to fall asleep.

Hate using public bathrooms because everyone can hear you pee.

When sitting on the pot I whip and then I feel like I have to crap again.

Look an ugly person up and down and try to think of ways that they can improve how they look. ( clothing, hair, and makeup)

watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

If I'm home alone, I tell myself good night when I am getting cozy in bed. I even use my name.

Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

You think about all the stupid things you did in elementary school and avoid anyone who went to your elementary school in high school.

i put a empty pack of cigarettes under my pillow and hoped the cigarette fairy would come when i was asleep

log out of any social network sites so that when im on a website it doesnt somehow send messages to my profile

Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

sit closer to the water so my poop isn't so loud..

Sometimes I cant sleep without something making noise , like a fan .

wonder why the word "MORTGAGE" has a T in it?

I have an unhealthy obsession with and so always talk about Penge North Korea beige mauve and medium density fiberboard. This explains why I'm such a popular guy

When you trip when your walking you try to play it off like you wanted to start running

Will use delayed foot-to-ass insults on verbal bullies. You know, the kind that goes off in the persons head days or weeks after they thought they won an argument with me.

When no one is home or if no one is looking you go in the fridge and drink right out of the bottle.

I masturbate evenly with both hands so that my penis doesn't become crooked.

Mix my coffee with the spoon upside down.

I plant my feet firmly when the subway approaches in case a random stranger tries to kill me by pushing me in front of the train.

Worry that I'm will go schizophrenic.

People looking at me when listening to my Ipod. "Can they hear my music?" *turn volume down*

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.