Whenever I'm home alone, I dance and sing along to any commercial.

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Own all of you hard! Moral: EXPLOSION NOISE!

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Link gross things with porn i.e: Think of really gross things (or friends or family) when fapping to really hot stuff ( the porn becomes ruined)

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When peeing at a urinal, move my stream back and forth the coat as much of the wall as I can.

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Repeatably look at something ugly, even if it's ugly

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When I read something someone you know has written I read it in their voice.

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Saying "ow" even though whatever happened did not actually hurt, but you thought that it would.

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look for old friends on facebook to see what they are up to now

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When in a room with a bunch of people, see the one person who's extremely cute and then get a random boner and think "GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY"

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I constantly get itches. On awkward parts of my body. In public places. And it's torture.

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Sleep with pillow between legs

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Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

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Think of the most awkward or dreadful thing you could possibly do in any given situation and be almost compelled to do it but then realising that you could never show your face anywhere ever again if you did.

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close left eye, then right eye to see how things move....

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Try to give my download speed moral support: "You can do it! YES, just stay there!" For anyone out there struggling with slow internet.. I feel your pain

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Wonder what random strangers look like or noises and such they make while having sex. Everyone literally. People you interact with at work , customers, your boss, the married couple. Except for people who are like dirty looking af. Our just straight up ugly. Then your like grossed out by those thoughts your having and start getting that home sickfeeling in your stomach. Almost like butterflies but like dead ones or something. Hard to explain.

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masturbate quietly in my room.

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Never using a 0 or a 5 as the last digit while using a microwave.

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I delete all notifications on my phone before i shut it off.

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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Flexing your abs when you put on deodorant so you dont look fat

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When leaving your basement, become increasingly conscious of how you are scared of something getting you. SPRINT UP STAIRS.

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While spending the night drinking with my spouse at home, i put a diaper on so i don't have to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes. I also change it for a fresh one when i go to bed.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.