Smelling food to see if its spicy.

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Lie in bed at night, imagining things I want to happen in my life while trying to fall asleep.

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Hate using public bathrooms because everyone can hear you pee.

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When sitting on the pot I whip and then I feel like I have to crap again.

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Look an ugly person up and down and try to think of ways that they can improve how they look. ( clothing, hair, and makeup)

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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If I'm home alone, I tell myself good night when I am getting cozy in bed. I even use my name.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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You think about all the stupid things you did in elementary school and avoid anyone who went to your elementary school in high school.

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i put a empty pack of cigarettes under my pillow and hoped the cigarette fairy would come when i was asleep

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log out of any social network sites so that when im on a website it doesnt somehow send messages to my profile

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Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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sit closer to the water so my poop isn't so loud..

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Sometimes I cant sleep without something making noise , like a fan .

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wonder why the word "MORTGAGE" has a T in it?

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I have an unhealthy obsession with and so always talk about Penge North Korea beige mauve and medium density fiberboard. This explains why I'm such a popular guy

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When you trip when your walking you try to play it off like you wanted to start running

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Will use delayed foot-to-ass insults on verbal bullies. You know, the kind that goes off in the persons head days or weeks after they thought they won an argument with me.

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When no one is home or if no one is looking you go in the fridge and drink right out of the bottle.

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I masturbate evenly with both hands so that my penis doesn't become crooked.

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Mix my coffee with the spoon upside down.

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I plant my feet firmly when the subway approaches in case a random stranger tries to kill me by pushing me in front of the train.

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Worry that I'm will go schizophrenic.

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People looking at me when listening to my Ipod. "Can they hear my music?" *turn volume down*

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.