Whenever I'm in the shower, I never close my eyes because I think someones gonna kill me

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I constantly talk to myself.

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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feel legitimately bad for Wile E Coyote whenever he does not get the road runner

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When I go to somewhere like France I always wittily comment to my friend " oh look at all those bloody foreigners as I have always thought they were tougher on immigrants

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If I'm trying to read a clock or bulletin from far away, I instinctively stand and point at it.

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I sometimes chew on the inside of my cheek

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I really don't know what to do when i see a double post on here. I mean, i get that people like to do stuff with their feet when their in bed, but somehow al lot of these people do not find it enough to vote up an existing post.

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I translate (parts of) songs into different languages in my head. I try to do it as good as possible.

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when I have to shred important documents I am still not satisfied that I even burn the shredded paper

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looking at the bottom when i meet foreigners talking among themselves... dang. no subtitles.

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seeing small spots in your eye (dust probably) and then chasing them with your eye trying to catch them

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I refuse to forward chain letters

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sometime i poop in my hand, then put it in the toilet so it makes less noise and the water doesn't splash up my butt.

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Sometimes I turn on my bedroom fan at night just so i can use heavier blankets.

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When riding in a car I pump my arms to pretend I'm running at an incredible rate.

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Sometimes when I'm sitting next to someone I start thinking stuff about him/her, making fun of their clothes in my mind or something. Then I have a feeling that maybe that person can read thoughts and immediately start thinking about something else, and avoid eye contact until one of use leaves

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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I eat ass

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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Whenever I watch TV, the volume has to be on multiples of 5. Even if the perfect volume is in between.

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Sometimes, when I'm at work, I j3rk 0ff in the bathroom. Please tell me someone else has done this????

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When theres a car just like yours right next to your car in the parking lot you almoat always gravitate to that car instead. It's the worst when there people in the car and you keep trying to open it.

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.