I always have excellent manners when eating around others, but when I'm alone I eat like a pig and have no manners.

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I type a comment here and secretly feel special

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After you wipe your butt and crotch with a towel, you dont want the towel to touch your face. Next night, dry your face and head first.

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See a news article that looks interesting, too lazy to read the whole thing. Skim.

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Looking outside the window and imagining a huge explosion destroy everything and then u surviving and trying to find a way to survive

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I imagine myself having a superpower that could make people see from my point of view. I would just have to lay a hand on them, and suddenly they would understand who I really am.

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When I'm cooking, I mumble everything I'm doing under my breath like I'm in a cooking show and I'm talking to the audience.

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Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

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I flick through the channels on my TV really fast to try and make a complete sentence.

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outside in the dark see a face in the tree thinks its bigfoot come to get me!

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Pick out an object ahead of me on the footpath and guess which foot will step closest to it

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Before I meet someone I've never met before, I think of stuff to say or do to prevent it from being awkward, but when I finally meet them I do none of the things I thought about doing.

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Make calculations with house number. Eg: House nº 112 means house nº 4

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When I am talking about someone, I check my phone to make sure it hasn't dialed them and to make sure they aren't listening.

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I act as though I've had movie cameras placed in my eyes and a bunch of people will watch my life as a movie at some point. And so I do a narration voice for them.

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Sometimes, when I like something on a certain website and see that someone else on my facebook friend's list likes it as well, I think that they're stalking me.

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push a fart out really slow so you think nobody will hear it

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I think some songs would be better if they didn't put a rap in with them

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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See a ridiculously hot girl and wonder to myself "who is the guy who gets to have sex with her. And why does she like him?" As if that can help me bag an equally hotter girl.

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Feel uncomfortable with the TV volume on an odd number

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I think Frozen is an overrated film

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Sometimes when I'm all alone, I like to rub vasceline on myself and pretend I'm a slug.

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Whenever I leave a phone message, I feel like I'm leaving the last message I will every leave to my family in my life because I will somehow die soon. I've watched too much drama.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.