My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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I don't care about gender stereotypes. Moral: If I want to like Pink unicorns I will like them!

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eating a sandwich with strategically placed bites such that i get the same ratio of crust to tastier non-crust sandwich center in each bite. sometimes i just take two smaller bites of crust and center part so that i don't have to taste mostly bread crust in a mouthful.

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look around my house for something to do for what feels like an hour then look back at a clock to realize thats its only been 4 minutes

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Fake a yawn to see if other people will yawn back.

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Whenever I look in the bathroom mirror, I fear that I will see a terrible bloody monster standing behind me. I convince myself of this so completely that I panic and rush out right after I pee.

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If someone uses a term thats like, in the know, and they ask if i know what it means, ill act like, of course ido, even if i dont, and then ill go home and look it up.

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use my phone as an alarm clock for waking up. but sets the time in PM instead of AM.

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Fear that the CIA is secretly wathing you.

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Judge a stranger in your mind (God, they're ugly/fat etc.) then wonder if they heard you thinking it.

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stop the microwave when I hear the food popping

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Imagining a friend can see everything you do during the day through telepathy.

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have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

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Sit on the loo and think about life because I can't be bothered to get up

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My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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when my mum buys way too much of something I imagine were one of those 'doomsday preppers' families, with mounds of supplies in our basement.

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Questioning why they make the Captcha's(spamblocker) SO hard to read

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sometimes, i smell my own farts.

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I have one of those automatic shower cleaners. After I press the button, it beeps 15 times before starting. I have to get out my brush, get out the hair dryer, plug it in, and Turin it on before the 15th beep. Every time.

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When riding in a vehicle at night, where the stars are visible, I feel like they're racing.

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When riding in a vehicle at night, where the stars are visible, I feel like they're racing us.

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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When your the only one home and you hear a slight creak be like I HEARD THAT to scare of any serial killers.

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Sometimes I wonder who created words. For instance, who thought to call a fence a fence? It could have been called something completely random like bucxbuw, but it would seem normal to us and fence would seem like jibberish instead.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.