When you can't use your hand to push a door, kick it and say "THIS IS SPARTA!!!"

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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wonder if there are secret cameras watching my every move...

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I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

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Wish that Mexicans would go to their OWN country and stop living tax free in OURS.

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When the vacuum cleaner's going, I try to stay as far away from it and block the noise by shutting doors.

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1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

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I want to suck on your penis

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Imagining yourself in the "Last Supper" scene. (in Jesus's spot matter of fact)

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popping the lenses out of 3D glasses and wearing them when your doing homework or studying because it makes you feel smarter.

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When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

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i fap in the bathroom because its the only room i have a reason to lock the door in.

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I plant my feet firmly when the subway approaches in case a random stranger tries to kill me by pushing me in front of the train.

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When I see a typo ANYWHERE, I feel compelled to correct it, even if there is no possible way for me to correct it

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Turn on Fox News and wonder if I'm watching a bad comedy routine or news reporting.

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I used to peep when my relatives are watching porn, back when i was a kid. After that, i feel like i wanna pee.

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give speeches in the sower for random awards you will never receive.

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Fall asleep at night fantasizing about how you wish life situations would play out.

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I always open up another tab on my browser, just in case I accidentally exit, so my computer can warn me that I will close 2 tabs.

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When I climb into bed every night, I always say, "Bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed," while shifting until I am comfortablely settled. -Ikka

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I open the shower curtain when I get in the bathroom to make sure no ones there.

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Check an insane amount of times to see if the door is locked, then finally get back to jerking off.

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I probably am the only one who does this but I climb on my cat's cat tree to see what it's like to be a cat o.o

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.