When I'm in the shower, you think of arguments that can occur, then think of good comebacks to say to your opponent. And when it actually does happen in real life, you don't have the courage to say it.

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Fap and when you're done you feel ashamed and feel like you're wasting your life lol

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Read what other people do that you don't, and think how weird that person must be.

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I take receipts out of the ATM's disposal slot in order to see how much money people that I've never met have in their accounts.

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close the fridge door really slowly just so you can see the light turn off

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Scratch my ass/armpit and HAVE to smell it.

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wipe your armpit and then sniff it to see how bad you smell

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I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

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I imagine myself having a superpower that could make people see from my point of view. I would just have to lay a hand on them, and suddenly they would understand who I really am.

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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put a load of loo roll in the loo before taking a dump at work so it silences the landing.

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Yell at game shows when the people are stupid

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It takes half as long to take a dump if I forget my phone.

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sitting in the passenger seat of the car, move my head around gently to guide a piece of dirt on the window in the foreground around the obstacle course of trees, streetlights etc in the background. Also, imagine my eyes are projecting lasers which cut through anything and carve the passing world up to my design.

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not eating the ends of a hotdog.

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Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

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i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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When you think thoughts, you think them in complete sentences as if you were saying them and in your accent.

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Thinking that out there, on this earth in a lost city, there is an awesome clone of you.

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I eat spoons of dry hot chocolate powder when nobody is around.

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Leave the fan on at night just in case you feel to warm.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftcodes.info <

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Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.