When standing on the beach, I try to command the waves to stop.

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I sit on the toilet and pretend to tell someone about how awesome my life is when it isn't.

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When I'm fighting with someone and I've ran out of good points, I just start making random noises.

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I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

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you know how everyone talks about making life decisions in the shower and thinking about life?.....yeah thats me on the toilet

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if i put my shirt on backwards, instead of taking my shirt off and putting it on right, i pull my arms in and just spin my shirt.

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When a male dies and screams in pain in a movie, I feel normal about it. When a female does, I feel bad and want to help.

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I flick through the channels on my TV really fast to try and make a complete sentence.

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When alone in a public restroom, after using the toilet I kick the lever and run away out of fear that it will splash on me.

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Whenever I order a lot of food at a fast food place for myself, I order an extra drink just so they think it's for two people.

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Stepping on people's feet when I approach to kiss/hug/say hi to them.

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Smile like a damn dork when I watch romantic movies.

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While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

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Pee in the shower

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Massive hang-over. Say out loud and promise I will never drink like that again. Next time drink atleast as much as the last time.

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When using the bathroom count the tiles on the floor or shower wall or read a shampoo bottle.

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I sometimes try to summon things with the force of my thoughts...I would be so useful...but no way, nothing ever moves.

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wonder why the word "MORTGAGE" has a T in it?

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Naming every pet you've ever owned Peter Jankins

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I never look out the window at night because I'm afraid there will be an Alien staring at me when I move the curtains.

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I peel tiny strings off of cheese sticks because it's more fun and tastes better.

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Tried to stuff yourself in the fridge

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Thinking you could bump into someone by the corner of a building (or a wall)

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Watching a movie with bugs in it and instantly feeling that shivery 'holy sh*t there are bugs on me' feeling.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.