When realizing i'm being a little bitchy, I laugh and smile right after my sentence to make myself seem a little nicer.

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When I'm driving through traffic lights that are green, I use my psychic powers to make them change so no one behind me gets through.

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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When I'm walking along and just trip over my own foot I look back and pretend to look at whatever it was I tripped over.

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"Hey, did you see that new episode last night?" "Yeah!" "Do you remember that part when he ran through the city?" "Yeah!" LIES

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Whenever I'm holding two round objects, I try to juggle them.

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Peeing in the shower

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realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

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When bored in class.. I catch eyes with someone across the room and look away fast, then act "cool" for the next 10 minutes because I still think they're looking at me...

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I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

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Feels my beard with my tongue.

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Try to pet your cat with your foot.

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When the wind is blowing like crazy, I pretend I am the god who controls it.

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Locking your pet in the room and forcing it to spend time with you.

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fart and talk thinking it will cover the smell

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Brake for tail-gaters

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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Sometimes when I'm laughing really hard I awkwardly clap my hands.

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Sometime i'll see someone or something like a person or a car and visualize a big meteorite smashing then out of nowhere.

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When I can't find my phone so I panic and shearch everywhere only to find out it was in my pocket.

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Post one on this site thinking everyone will love you but then you realize you're the 2,833 person to post on this site and no one will ever see it. If this is still where it was when I posted it, then congratulations! You've read through 300 FUCKING PAGES! (that meant go get a job)

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after doing the dishes i get my hands wet after putting my jumper on cause i failed 2 dry my hands propley my arms a f***** cold dammit!!

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saying long strings of unconnected words in your head and wondering if you just said something that noone else ever has

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feel legitimately bad for Wile E Coyote whenever he does not get the road runner

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.