Accidently send an empty text or text multiple people and send wrong text to wrong person

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I like wet humping better than f*cking. but sometimes it slips in anyway, and it's that's pretty enjoyable too. and mt girlfriend is cool with. ... so it's actualy pretty whatevs either way. but wet humping is my jam.

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LOG OFF OF ICHAT BECAUSE THE PERSON U WERE JUST TALKING TO WENT OFFLINE.

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When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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I don't care about gender stereotypes. Moral: If I want to like Pink unicorns I will like them!

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eating a sandwich with strategically placed bites such that i get the same ratio of crust to tastier non-crust sandwich center in each bite. sometimes i just take two smaller bites of crust and center part so that i don't have to taste mostly bread crust in a mouthful.

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look around my house for something to do for what feels like an hour then look back at a clock to realize thats its only been 4 minutes

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Fake a yawn to see if other people will yawn back.

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Whenever I look in the bathroom mirror, I fear that I will see a terrible bloody monster standing behind me. I convince myself of this so completely that I panic and rush out right after I pee.

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If someone uses a term thats like, in the know, and they ask if i know what it means, ill act like, of course ido, even if i dont, and then ill go home and look it up.

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use my phone as an alarm clock for waking up. but sets the time in PM instead of AM.

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Fear that the CIA is secretly wathing you.

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Judge a stranger in your mind (God, they're ugly/fat etc.) then wonder if they heard you thinking it.

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stop the microwave when I hear the food popping

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Imagining a friend can see everything you do during the day through telepathy.

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have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

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Sit on the loo and think about life because I can't be bothered to get up

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My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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when my mum buys way too much of something I imagine were one of those 'doomsday preppers' families, with mounds of supplies in our basement.

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Questioning why they make the Captcha's(spamblocker) SO hard to read

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sometimes, i smell my own farts.

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I have one of those automatic shower cleaners. After I press the button, it beeps 15 times before starting. I have to get out my brush, get out the hair dryer, plug it in, and Turin it on before the 15th beep. Every time.

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When riding in a vehicle at night, where the stars are visible, I feel like they're racing.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.