I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

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Put my hand under the pillow in bed to get orgasm

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skipping back to the start of the guitar solo over and over so I can pretend I'm playing it

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brush the dandruff from my eyebrows

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Playing TV in bed because if I don't I jump at every noise in the house and don't sleep.

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Get worried i'll sleeptalk about the things I'm thinking about and someone will hear, so stop thinking about my deep and personal thoughts i think about before going to bed.

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Become self-conscious and wonder if you were making faces while day dreaming during the middle of class.

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Toss something across the room toward the place it belongs, get excited when it lands upright/ perfectly in place, then immediately regret you weren't recording it.

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Always coming up with a really great comeback in my head 5 seconds too late. And then playing out what would have happened if I had said it.

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I sit sideways on the toilet because my bony butt fits better that way.

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When the car ride is silent, I wink with my right eye when I pass a sign on the right, and the opposite for the left. And then when there's a double yellow line, I close my eyes.

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When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

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Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

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Get distracted during fap dreams and thinking of your mom and then going OMG GROSS OH GOD IM A PERV!!

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I think Frozen is an overrated film

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saying long strings of unconnected words in your head and wondering if you just said something that noone else ever has

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I imagine that there are lines coming out from things and I don't step on the lines (columns, buildings, walls, corners, etc.)

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Looking at this naked with a cat on you're lap.

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Play my music so low in public that I can hardly hear it in my headphones for fear of others being able to hear what I'm listening to.

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getting a random wedgie when everybody is looking at me

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I prefer to masturbate by putting a fleshlight under my stuffed-toy smurfette's dress and pretend to smurf her.

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Counting down on a digital clock, trying to say "0" just as the time changes.

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Tried to stuff yourself in the fridge

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Cannot even read a word when a blonde lady sits in front of me in a library.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.