When I am talking about someone, I check my phone to make sure it hasn't dialed them and to make sure they aren't listening.

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I act as though I've had movie cameras placed in my eyes and a bunch of people will watch my life as a movie at some point. And so I do a narration voice for them.

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Sometimes, when I like something on a certain website and see that someone else on my facebook friend's list likes it as well, I think that they're stalking me.

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push a fart out really slow so you think nobody will hear it

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I think some songs would be better if they didn't put a rap in with them

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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See a ridiculously hot girl and wonder to myself "who is the guy who gets to have sex with her. And why does she like him?" As if that can help me bag an equally hotter girl.

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Feel uncomfortable with the TV volume on an odd number

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I think Frozen is an overrated film

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Sometimes when I'm all alone, I like to rub vasceline on myself and pretend I'm a slug.

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Whenever I leave a phone message, I feel like I'm leaving the last message I will every leave to my family in my life because I will somehow die soon. I've watched too much drama.

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Closed the door to the refrigerator super slow, just to watch the light turn off.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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stare at the same gender for a long time and think 2 urself "am i gay?" and when they look at you, you tun ur eyes another way!

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Whenever someone is making a speech, I imagine them being taken out by a sniper mid-speech...

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I click my teeth to music

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When listening to headphones, I automatically start lip syncing the lyrics... But stop doing it when people look at me funny..

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Check this site often to see if anyone liked my comment or not...

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I use two pillows as I sleep, but I don't put them under my head, I put my head in between them.

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Remove all the stupid gobbldegook words that the captchas from this site add to my predictive text.

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When I'm walking in the street and I hear a car coming from behind I try to beat it by running to the closest telephonepole.

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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Wonder why every single kid is looking at you in a restaurant.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.