log out of any social network sites so that when im on a website it doesnt somehow send messages to my profile

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When I eat potato chips, I lick each side to make sure the really salty part is down.

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Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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Fap and when you're done you feel ashamed and feel like you're wasting your life lol

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Waste time looking all over for something and notice it is right where it should be.

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Sometimes I forget that there are spiders in my bedroom, so after I've seen one I can't sleep for several days for fear that they'll eat me if I do. Then I forget about them again and thus the cycle starts.

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Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

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Try to figure out if some of the posts were written by the same person.

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On Youtube, while reading comments notice that many people reply angrily to the same person. Wonder what they said that pissed so many people off. Try to find them in earlier posts, but fail. Live the rest of the night in depressive state.

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I put the volume on my television so it is on any number divisible by five (5-10-15 etc. etc.)

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When texting someone on the toilet & they ask, "What are you doing?" I respond with, "Oh, just chillin." LOL. -Jade

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I sniff my finger after I scatch my bunghole lol

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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Check the toilet paper after every wipe.

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When no one's at home, the house turns into an action movie set. Going to my room turns into sprinting up the stairs and purposely stumbling to give the effect that bombs are going off. And always make it to the room in time to hop on the last helicopter out of the jungle.

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When taking a dump in a public restroom, if someone else walks in, I wait until they leave the restroom before finishing up and leaving the stall, just to make sure they don't see who I am.

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sometimes when i fart i feel like i pooped a little in my underwear but tell myself ''no i didn't'' but feel poopy until i check.

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Aim at shit stains whilst I pee.

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Know you have enough milk in your cereal when you start to see it peek through the cracks

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Get bored of regular porn and watch some bestiality just for the variation.

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feel disappointed when i find out that a p0rn scene is just the actor's dream or imagination.

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Give vocal commentary on the song I just played when I'm the only one in the car.

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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Vote for the other guy

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.