laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'horse-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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When I masturbate I trade hands often in fear that my penis may become crooked.

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When you get in trouble, think of what you could have said or done so you could've gotten away with it.

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When bored you watch the minute hand on a clock and try to see if you can see it move

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blow nose. look at kleenex.

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Spend a ton of time on the way you look and the clothes you choose, then going out in public and imagining you're a celeb.

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I like to eat grilled cheese with ketchup

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I forget I turned the toaster on and jump when it goes off.

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Always coming up with a really great comeback in my head 5 seconds too late. And then playing out what would have happened if I had said it.

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When I play Sims, I feel like God and wonder if we, in fact, are just the players in God's Sims game. Hmmmm...

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Judge a stranger in your mind (God, they're ugly/fat etc.) then wonder if they heard you thinking it.

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The power to put a pointless super power on thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com

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When I watch porn,I sometimes pause the video and start looking something random. e.g. an unrelated article on Wikipedia.

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I hate when my mom hangs my underwear on the clothesline outside.

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Getting bored when a page is loading and scrolling the wheel on your mouse back and forth one click.

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I rub the ends of my hair because it feels awesome.

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See a sexy girl, wanna go up and talk to her....cant think of anything cool to say and afraid of denial. Just me?

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I make it sound like i'm ordering for more than one person when I'm really only getting fast food for myself.

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Run up all stairs two at a time, and memorize all the staircases with odd number of steps. On those, I start with one step so I can end on a two.

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Say "what?" when you know what they said, then answer before they can respond. I do it because it takes me a second to figure out what they said and so my immediate response it "what?".

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Check the shower before you pee to make sure nothing is waiting there to literally get you with your pants down.

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Get turned on lookin at my own butt

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I have seen one of my submissions listed under "Quotes from other sites"

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.