See a ridiculously hot girl and wonder to myself "who is the guy who gets to have sex with her. And why does she like him?" As if that can help me bag an equally hotter girl.

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have fake conversations that might happen in the future...so ur prepared

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Tally mark everytime I take a shit.

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Reherse jokes/phrases to say to friends in school tomorrow

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When you can't hear your friend, but you nodd your head and snicker, hoping it was a joke

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Think about all of the germs that are on restroom doors and water taps.

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While listening to songs, your always thinking of a situation to go along with it.

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Realising that there are ASSHOLES posting dumb shit on this site.

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I don't care about gender stereotypes. Moral: If I want to like Pink unicorns I will like them!

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When walking outside by myselff and listening to music, I mouth the words and pretend im the singer of the song in their music video.

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whenever there are automatic doors at a store i use "the force" to open them

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If I'm walking in the mall and realize I'm going in the wrong direction, I can't just double back, 'cause everyone would think I'm dumb for going in the wrong direction. Instead, I perform a slow U-turn to the other side of the walkway; either that or pretend to get an important text/phone call that forces me to do the quick turnaround. SAVE!

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Wasting a whole bunch of time trying to find how to make one and realizing it was at the top and that you forgot what you were going to put in the first place.

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pluck dried pieces of poop in your butt hair

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hold my shirt with my chin when i'm peeing.

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Instead of having a nasty breaking up, I just disappear.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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When I'm on Facebook, I don't like anything in my news feed thats older then 15 minutes or else i'll feel like they think ima creeping on them.

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I check behind the the shower curtin before I use the bathroom at night.

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use the restroom at a different floor/building when taking a dump at work.

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I prefer to masturbate by putting a fleshlight under my stuffed-toy smurfette's dress and pretend to smurf her.

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I very carefully smell what I'm about to eat before I eat it, but I'd most likely eat it, even if I hadn't smelled it first.

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Sometimes I make awkward eye contact with strangers. And I quickly look away. And then I look back. And then look away again. And I keep being compelled to stare awkwardly at the random stranger for no reason.

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I plan to put money away everyday but never seem to do it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.