I giggle in my head when anyone says duty.

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Cover myself in Vaseline and cry in the dark for 4, maybe 5 hours with or without a wooden splintery dildo in my arse.

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clean specks of sh*t in the toilet by peeing on it.

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Looking up your teachers on facebook just to look at their photos

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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Fear that the CIA is secretly wathing you.

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See a ridiculously hot girl and wonder to myself "who is the guy who gets to have sex with her. And why does she like him?" As if that can help me bag an equally hotter girl.

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Hum up and down in pitch because it makes LED displays dance around.

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Masturbate while waiting for a game to load.

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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Go to someone's house and go and ask where something is and the person you ask just tells you without getting up (I know it doesn't go with the theme of this site but its just something annoying)

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after you've been in a fight i usually think up some epic move i could've done instead.

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When Ive just intentionally committed some minor traffic offense (speeding, illegal U-turn) and suddenly worry a cop may have spotted me and act to myself in the car as if I was truly confused and have no idea what I did wrong, like moving my head around and saying, "Huh? Where's that house?"

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Wish that Mexicans would go ruin their own country instead of ruin ours.

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I never take drinks into smelly places, out of fear that the smell will somehow get into my drink and contaminate the taste.

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think that the whole world is a dollhouse and we are being controlled by giant people above who live in a whole differnt world

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when looking at a reflection of myself, i try to do it as fast as i can before the reflection does something i didnt

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When riding in a car I pump my arms to pretend I'm running at an incredible rate.

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Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

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When someone sits with crossed legs, I notice their lifted foot throb slightly with their pulse. It is really distracting sometimes.

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Get freaked out when door bell or phone rings when you are doing something you are not supposed to.

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Boring car ride? Read every food & drinks rapper you can find .

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Wondering if your life is a TV show, and people are watching what you do.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.