Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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Two minutes after I text the person I like, I check the message to see what time I sent it and what time the person received it, and estimate that it takes the adverage person about a minute to respond and then another minute for you to receive it. so really, if the person likes you, it would take them about 3 minutes to respond. if its five, you automatically assume they hate you.

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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avoid going in the handicap bathroom stall because you're afraid someone will see you cause it's so big

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I don't care about gender stereotypes. Moral: If I want to like Pink unicorns I will like them!

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Has anyone else ever wondered why the women in shows and movies lie with the blanket covering them after apparently having sex with the other person.

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I am convinced that nobody had opened bacon or packets of ham with the flappy corner because it dosnt work!! So i get a knife and saw it out.

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Cover myself in Vaseline and cry in the dark for 4, maybe 5 hours with or without a wooden splintery dildo in my arse.

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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See a ridiculously hot girl and wonder to myself "who is the guy who gets to have sex with her. And why does she like him?" As if that can help me bag an equally hotter girl.

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When alone and listening to music I pretend that I am the artist and dance around the room like its the music video or I am on stage.

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slow down in front of automatic doors thinking they won't open and then rushing through when they do so you don't look stupid

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Tells a joke only you thought was funny and still laughs then laughs harder because your the only one laughing nikki

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Sometimes I think about what I would do if I accidentally killed someone. I don't want to kill anyone, but if I did it accidentally. Would I call an ambulance, hide the body, confess to police, destroy evidence, etc?

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go though and like the posts with only one like so the person who wrote it doesn't feel alone.

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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Think of a bunch of "things you think only you do" after you leave the site

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Turn the fan and/or sink on in the bathroom to drown out the noise from masturbating.

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Dutch oven myself when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep

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Never eat curry before school otherwise you will have a massive poo

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On Youtube, while reading comments notice that many people reply angrily to the same person. Wonder what they said that pissed so many people off. Try to find them in earlier posts, but fail. Live the rest of the night in depressive state.

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Running round the house like I'm Lara croft or someone from a video game :D it's fun

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I fantasize about my idol as I try to fall sleep at night. He's Michael Jackson.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.