Think a really Fu**ed up thought in your head, and then get mad at your brain for even coming up with it, and finally trying to think really nice thoughts to make up for it.

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I randomly hold my boobs in my room.

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say to my friend do you ever think that someone else is thinking the same thing that they are thinking at this moment in time and then SHYT in there mouth. Normally they gurggle it in their throat, before swallowing it and making a pedo face, and sometimes i bike naked and shit on cars with diorrea so it explodes on the windows.

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When I am about to thumb up a comment here that has not happened to me, I first stop myself thinking "but that has not happened to me" then I remember I thumb up comments just because I like them and proceed to do so most of the times

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I get into a massive fight with my parents, and then do the thing i was told not to just so i can tick them off.

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My brother (who is 2 years younger) and I have our own language, consisting of movie quotes and silly stuff we made up when we were little. We speak it with abandon when we're alone, and try as hard as we can to suppress it when we're with a friend. But sometimes some of it slips out, and the friend looks at us like he's the guy who isn't in on the joke; I always get the feeling he or she thinks the two of us are crazy. By the way, if you're the third person in company with two close siblings who are speaking their own secret language, don't ask them to explain or look at them like they're crazy. They're not nuts, and you won't understand, even if they try to explain. Just let it pass.

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Typing what you want to put in a message, then deleting it because you daren't send it

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When I'm sleeping, I turn and my bed shakes, and I wake up thinking it's an earthquake.

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I wonder if things are there because I see it and if I was not there to see it would it disappear?

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Whenever I look in the bathroom mirror, I fear that I will see a terrible bloody monster standing behind me. I convince myself of this so completely that I panic and rush out right after I pee.

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I chew on anything plastic. I don't think there's a pen that I haven't chewed on or a plastic cap I haven't put in my mouth. It's a horrible habit but it feels so DAMN GOOD TO CHEW!

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invent arguments in my head with people to hone my debate skills for future arguments.

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If I'm walking in the mall and realize I'm going in the wrong direction, I can't just double back, 'cause everyone would think I'm dumb for going in the wrong direction. Instead, I perform a slow U-turn to the other side of the walkway; either that or pretend to get an important text/phone call that forces me to do the quick turnaround. SAVE!

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Feel like you sing wonderfully when you are alone, but feel like you sing horribly in front of others.

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Clicking Yes to "I have read and agree to the Terms of Service" without reading one word of that stupid thing.

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I keep tearing the little piece of skin next to my thumb nail until it hurts - and even if it bleeds I have to get it off.

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after ive done something, or experienced something. when i think back on the days events, i think to myself. "i think ive done that before somewere". i must have a boring existance. its always de ja vu with me.

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Wish that Mexicans would go fix things in their own country instead of coming here unwelcome and demanding things instead.

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when something on the internet is loading really long i close all the other tabs so my computer can concentrate only on one thing and then i get annoyed because i have to open up all the tabs again

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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Pretend to talk on the phone when you see someone you don't want to say hello.

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I pretend that I've caught the man in the walk/don't walk sign doing something bad and I stare at him accusingly

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Suck up stuff with the vacuum you know you shouldn't because your too lazy to pick it up.

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When you buy a car you then see that make/model everywhere.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.