Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Dutch oven myself when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep

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that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

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Whenever I Iook into the mirror, I think there's a second evil dimension.

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when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

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think about what im gonna say abillon times in my head before i say it -jesse

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Open blinds when taking a poop to look outside, then realize that someone could be watching you.

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I'm so afraid of using words incorrectly that I look up any word I'm not sure that I'm using properly before typing it into wherever I'll use it. If the definition is too vague, I abandon the word and try something else.

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I like to eat the crust on pizzas

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When boarding the escalator, I select a specific step before getting on causing a slight queue.

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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When I walk the streets after getting a new haircut, I think everybody's staring at me and thinking "oh my god she got a new haircut" eventhough they didn't know me before.

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Pretending you're a badass character from an anime or movie when listening to rock music (or something similar)

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I only used to eat McCoys Salt & Vinegar crisps when it was raining, because I thought they tasted better when it rains. Anyone else?

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Smell a fart and don't react until someone else does.

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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Twice on two different internet super power sites, I posted sdrawkcab epyt ot REWEP eth"... ...Sadly I forgot to type MORAL under them, so they have... several thumbs ups... NERO: In a world of bithes and h0m0f*gs that never understood that my "MORALS" where pure SARCASM!... Oh, I also think I am one of the three hundred guys that gangbang your mother.

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I talk excessively loud in public sometimes so people can hear my opinions. I'm just hoping someone's eavesdropping because I like the fact that they might agree with me and that they get to see a little bit of who I am. I don't even know these people.

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Whenever I hear someones name being announced on a p.a., in a store for example....I say out loud 'never heard of him/her'

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Sometimes I unintentionally mouth the words being spoken on TV.

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I stick used soap to a new soap so I don't waste it.

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I really like taking shits.

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Press the Microwave open button at 0:01 to feel like you defused a bomb and avoided that stupid beeping.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.