Do a light cough when in the toilet when there isn't no lock on the door so Ur stop someone walking in!!!

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I piss excellence, shit suppority and whip myself with greatness.

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Apply hand sanitizer after fapping.

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While trying to sleep I obsess over the little red LED on the TV set which I can't even see unless I lift my head from the pillow.

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Run the shower before you get in/ move out the way of the water to let it warm up first

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You feel compelled to stab someone in the face... But you don't since you know its wrong. Instead you play violent video games to get it off your mind.

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I'm ridiculously turned on by the scent nail polish.

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Take off the ends of the banana (

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I dont know weather or not to flush the toilet at night incase i wake somebody, its even worse in other peoples houses.

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I tuck all sides of the blanket under my body and feet then over my head and leave a fresh air hole so im in a cocoon of blanket.

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When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

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getting a random wedgie when everybody is looking at me

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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Find myself thinking a completely random meaningless sentence as I'm falling asleep with no idea how I got to that thought.

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After watching a really good film that has a narrator, everything I do is narrated by that person in my head.

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Counting the lines on the street as they pass the edge of your cars window.

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When i'm home, I pretend i'm famous!

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~When you turn around, somebody is already looking at you; something is probably on your face. (I know they look at you because you would look at anybody turning around, but I just hate it)

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really wonder why there is so much talk about pooping and farting on this site

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that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

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Check the lint filter on the dryer every time I walk into the laundry room.

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

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When I woke up this morning I was asleep.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.