Skip the first 3 minutes of "Free Bird" because it's too slow.

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Bored. Open refrigerator. Nothing to eat. Open it again five minutes later.

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Fantasize about taking over the world, and killing all religious people.

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I always ask myself "Why am I me?". But have never come up with a good answer.

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Take out all the marshmallows in a bowl of Lucky Charms, eat the "cat food" (the dry cereal that looks like dry kitty food!), then put the marshmallows back in the milk and eat them!

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I use chopsticks or disposable latex gloves to eat sandwiches, chocolate, basically any finger food, because in my opinion, it's impossible to get that greasy, sticky film off my fingers.

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I was the real Stig...

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take 30 pictures and only find 1 where you dont look like shit

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When I pee if there is already some toilet paper there I try to sink it with my pee.

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"????????? ???? ?????! ??? ?? ???????? UH1 HUEY!!! ??? ?? ???????? ??????? ??????????? ?????, ????????? ?? ??????? ? ??????????????? ???????!!! ?????? ????, ???????????????? ?? ???????, ?? ?????? ??????? ?? ????! ???? ???????????? ???????, ????? ??????? ???? ??? ?????????, ? ??????????? ?????, ??? ????????? ??????? ??????????? ?????!!! ? ??? ?? ????? ???? ??????? ??????????? ??????????. ???????? ????????,???? ????, ??? ??????? ?????? ??? ????? ??? ????? ???? ? ??????. "

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When there are multiple puddles on the sidewalk you try and jump in every single one of them

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Waking up @ 4 AM wondering where your pillow went

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when you bleed you suck your own blood

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Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

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As im about to fall asleep sometimes i feel like im falling and then i have a muscle spasem and wake up.

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Living in the shadow of an atheletic friend, and secretly wanting to beat them up just to prove that you're as good as they are.

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during texting you set your phone in your lap right before a car is about to pass you so they dont see you texting and driving

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When someone starts waving and saying hi then I start waving and saying hi even though I have no idea who it is only to realize they are actually waving at someone behind me.

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go to the bathroom, turn on the hot water, get undressed so that the water has time to heat up

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You keep going through pages of "Things You Think Only You Do" clicking the button until you realize that your on like page 50.

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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I enjoy my company, I love myself, which is contagious, people around me enjoy my company, and love themselves. Moral: Thumb me down and prove you are a sad fuck TODAY!

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If someone asks me if I want something and they get up to get it and im sitting down, I say " oh I can get it" eventhough they are already up just to not seem like a lazy piece of shit

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Check the lint filter on the dryer every time I walk into the laundry room.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.