Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

thumb_up thumb_down -66

When I woke up this morning I was asleep.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

when I get a really good idea, I write notes in excruciating detail, as I believe my brilliance will quickly disappear and I will have no idea what I was writing about ..

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Pretend that i don't care about my birthday when i actually can't wait to see what present people will get me and get terribly excited everytime someone text me

thumb_up thumb_down +91

Walk away in the middle of a sitcom and then play the rest out of the episode in your head while doing something else.

thumb_up thumb_down -93

You're taking a poo, and you're bored. You use your thighs as drums to pass the time.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

When you are speaking to someone with a distinct accent and suddenly take on the accent as your own when responding. - Missy Chemick

thumb_up thumb_down -5

When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Can't stand it if something rubs against my knees up the way...if it happens i have to rub them down the way with my hands or they feel weird

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Picking my nose.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Handing something to a friend or someone and all you can think is "...I've fapped with that hand. And they know I have" even though you clean up after you feel like your jizz is gonna be on what you gave them and theyll find out amd think you're disgusting.

thumb_up thumb_down -86

In case you have the ears pierced, take out the piece, and smell it, even if it smells so bad, you like the how it smells... lol

thumb_up thumb_down -44

I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

thumb_up thumb_down -64

I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Hold your breath when you go in bridge tunnels and compete against your friends to see who can last longer.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Make a screeching noise with my mouth as I go around corners in my car too fast.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Sometimes I imagine how everyone would react if I died.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Write things on this site, because i cant sleep

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Look at a word long enough to not seem like a word anymore, then sounding weird.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,617

wonder if anyone is on at 12 A.M. log on to a social network and realize that theres a lot of people on

thumb_up thumb_down +77

i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.