Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

thumb_up thumb_down -51

When i'm in the front passenger seat, I still move my foot like im the one driving...

thumb_up thumb_down -14

I only EVER take my watch off if I need tto put on big gloves, like cricket gloves.

thumb_up thumb_down -97

I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

thumb_up thumb_down -73

after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

thumb_up thumb_down -62

I sometimes go out of my way to make sure I have my iPhone with me in the bathroom while taking a poop.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

I'll sing nice and loud in the shower and wonder why I haven't come out with an album yet

thumb_up thumb_down +70

I don't like to answer the phone because it is never for me.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

When you accidentally mess up a password, delete the entire thing and redo it since you don't know which part you messed up.

thumb_up thumb_down +84

Think of someone you love while trying to fall asleep.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Talk out loud so my brother can hear me because no one ever wrote that they can read your minds. And i want him to know ineed him in my life still so I randomly say things out loud to him on accident. People always look at me with hidden shock wide eyed.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

text somebody something and if they don't reply quickly, resend that same text.

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Write "my opinion thinking-aloud-sentences" on the "circle the answer" test as footnotes when I'm not sure about the answer.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Kill Jb without getting aressted.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

mentally scolding yourself for thinking something dirty just in case the person you're thinking about can read your thoughts

thumb_up thumb_down +124

Hot in bed? Stick one leg out and then wrap it around the top of the duvet

thumb_up thumb_down +48

worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

thumb_up thumb_down -90

Cover myself in Vaseline and cry in the dark for 4, maybe 5 hours with or without a wooden splintery dildo in my arse.

thumb_up thumb_down -182

hallo

thumb_up thumb_down -19

in the morning when you wake up and take a shower you make weird faces to stretch out and "warm up" your face for the day

thumb_up thumb_down -37

when something on the internet is loading really long i close all the other tabs so my computer can concentrate only on one thing and then i get annoyed because i have to open up all the tabs again

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Go to bed with my left nostril clogged, wake up with my right nostril clogged.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Trying to figure out what form of suicide would hurt the least.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.