Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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When you're in your late teens, you blare the car stereo when driving near girls that are walking. When you grow up, you turn the radio down in fear that you look like a tool bag.

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I like to watch online videos of people and pause the video mid sentence to see the faces they make frozen mid speech

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When driving along in the car, imagining crashing and another car coming into you and the repercussions of it all.

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I thought the 2013 film Frozen could have gone longer

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When I masturbate I trade hands often in fear that my penis may become crooked.

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get embarrassed when someone is in the public bathroom, and your shit makes a splash in the toilet

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before i go to sleep i must check the front door knob multiple times to make sure its locked

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Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

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Go to bed with my left nostril clogged, wake up with my right nostril clogged.

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When im standing at a urinal and another guy was there before me and i still finish first i pretend like im still peeing so he wont think i have a bladder problem.

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Cover myself in Vaseline and cry in the dark for 4, maybe 5 hours with or without a wooden splintery dildo in my arse.

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when riding home on my bike with music on pretenend im in a race with no1 and commentate on iend get really exccited on the last straight especielly when a rocky soundtrack song comes on

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The ability to go one hour back in time by concentrating really hard for two hours.

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When in shower, I turn the heat to max for a few minutes to warm up the whole bathroom.

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feel legitimately bad for Wile E Coyote whenever he does not get the road runner

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I have had a dream where my teeth fall out.

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Feeling very uncomfortable for days, untill your motivation finally reaches that point when you start learning for the exam.

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open the fridge A eat food B think

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Being in the car and wondering if your parents can read your mind so you think "If you can here me cough in 3, 2, 1..." Sometimes my dad actually does it and he looks back at me and smiles. .-.

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I like to watch people and imagine different stories that could explain why they're doing whatever it is that their doing.

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Call the ninja turtles by their full names.

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Go to websites like this during school and laugh at the things I read. All around me other students are actually working and looking at me.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.