I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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When I need to poop in a public toilet, I poop to the side so there's no plop.

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Do an epic air drum solo while listening to Phil Colins "In The Air Tonight"

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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I mute music videos and watch them to completely different music.

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"Hey, did you see that new episode last night?" "Yeah!" "Do you remember that part when he ran through the city?" "Yeah!" LIES

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I sometimes wonder if im a baby and my whole life is just a big dream

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I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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Stare off into space in the middle of a conversation

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instinctively thumb down long posts without reading them.

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I never look out the window at night because I'm afraid there will be an Alien staring at me when I move the curtains.

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i cannot watch horror films that have blood in it for fear of nightmares

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Waking up @ 4 AM wondering where your pillow went

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thinking about how you will never understand who in the world thought it was a good idea to spell "Wednesday" like that

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eat the salt from the bottom of the pretzel bag

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I choose not to post a comment on some subjects because I know there will be a hundred others that will be the same.

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Stepping on a concrete sidewalk square the exact amount of times as the others.

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When I see someone with similar hair to mine, I stare at them from behind and try to figure out if that's what I look like from the back.

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I keep tearing the little piece of skin next to my thumb nail until it hurts - and even if it bleeds I have to get it off.

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Forgets something then walks into the room to get it then forgets what you forgot nikki

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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If no one else is home and you have to go to the bathroom, but you're invested in what you're doing on your laptop, you take it with you.

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.