log out of any social network sites so that when im on a website it doesnt somehow send messages to my profile

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get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

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I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

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Text random people saying I'm pregnant

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I can only play a piano with my right hand

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I walk into a room and forget why I'm in there.

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I lift my butt when I'm farting

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when I have an itch on my hand I scratch it with my stubble

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when im on my phone in bed my phone always falls on my face -.-

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Whenever I cross the road with someone I try to walk faster then them just in case a car comes it won't drive me over.

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getting excited when you find a recycled tissue in your robe/sweatshirt so you don't know have to get up to get one yourself?

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hold my shirt with my chin when i'm peeing.

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When I am in a bind and I know I need help I just say " I gott this" and things work out

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Say 'WED', 'NES' and 'DAY' slowly in your head when spelling Wednesday.

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Sittig on a table donating sperm to my friend gabe

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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pinch the tip of my dick when I masturbate.

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Make jokes about yourself on the period: "dear god, this is the 5th day I`m bleeding and I`m sill not dead. What kind of monster am I?" ...not funny... :)

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realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

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Only taking half a biscuit because it makes you feel bad and then taking another half of a different biscuit.

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close the fridge door really slowly just so you can see the light turn off

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when you dont know what someone said so you just awkwardly start laughing and it turns out not to be funny.

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I always open up another tab on my browser, just in case I accidentally exit, so my computer can warn me that I will close 2 tabs.

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Lying in be and pretending you are in a tv show, the characters best friend, playing it out in your mind. Or you dream while awake, and you control it, and you fly to Hollywood and become your faborite celebrities best friend.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.