I have memorized most commercials and recite them when they come on the tv.

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when singing to music on my ipod, i sometimes pause the music to hear how loud I am singing.

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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Breathe.

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Thinking about what other poeple are doing right now... Like someone solving world hunger and your sitting there playing games and having fun with friends that are nice and healthy.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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When watching television, I give people I don't like the finger

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I poop on the side of my house in the morning so I do not have to make noise then come back in.

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Sometimes I think the whole world is set up, and I feel like I'm living in some kind of Truman Show. I even sometimes say "I know you're there" to the moon.

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Whenever i am watching TV my parents always walk by at the worst part like a sex scene or a dirty joke.

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Love the natural smell of my dog's paws.

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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Whenever I read creepy pastas and there is a picture after the story I get afraid to look at it than when I do I freak out thinking it's going to eat me. Than when I look at it I shout FUUUUUUU.. Than look at it some more and I burst out laughing seeing its a fucking dumb picture.

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When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

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always hurt urself and blame the object for hurting u

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When riding in a car I pump my arms to pretend I'm running at an incredible rate.

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I actually get stuck watching those rediculous infomercials late at night... Yeah - you're not alone. But no, I don't buy anything either... Lol.

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push a fart out really slow so you think nobody will hear it

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Put ear buds in nose, open mouth, instant speaker. If you don't do it try it.

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Being able to scare people by awkwardly standing behind them

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Cover up the webcam on my laptop because I think someone might be watching me through it.

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Think up a come back three days after it would have been useful.

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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Sometimes, I skim through the Terms of Service just to make sure I'm not selling my soul or promising my first-born.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.