stop the microwave when I hear the food popping

In the shower i let water run down my hands so it looks like i'm shooting water out of my fingers.

only read the short jokes on this website

when i pass a grave yard, i am compelled to hold my breath

wonder why the word "MORTGAGE" has a T in it?

Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

When I'm listening to a sad song that relates to my life while I'm walking all alone, I mouth the words and pretend I'm in a music video.

feel that the horsehead network captchas can read my mind. kind of scary.

I hug-squeeze the bread to get all the air out before putting it away.

When I play Sims, I feel like God and wonder if we, in fact, are just the players in God's Sims game. Hmmmm...

Tell myself that I'm only going for a 20 minute nap and end up sleeping for 1/+ hour(s)...

Think it's awesome when I look at a clock and it reads the same numbers that my address starts with.

Dilikes the Gangnam Style.

Not eat French fries because I don't like the taste rather than because they are unhealthy?

think about what im gonna say abillon times in my head before i say it -jesse

When in shower, I turn the heat to max for a few minutes to warm up the whole bathroom.

Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

I say a word and it feels like it didnt roll off of my tongue right, so I keep mouthing the word and saying it quietly to myself or in my head. Then end up saying it loudly in affirmation, possibly more than once.

Wonder if life is just a dream then get a creepy feeling and immediately think happier thoughts.

I **** with no hands.

Cough, whistle or hum while on the toilet for a time, just so anyone outside the door doesn't think I'm mastrubating.

I sometimes see or think of words and pronounce them differently. ie. Garbage, gar-bah-ge ("ge" like a vibration sound), Target, tar-jhay

We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

when im lying in bed in summer and im hot i just turn my sheets on the other side so its cool again

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.