It takes half as long to take a dump if I forget my phone.

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Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

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Trying not to fart when laughing is challenging.

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Whenever people dare accuse me of being too full off myself I tell them. Moral: I cant get to full of myself, the more me, the less you, ALL THE BETTER FOR EVERYONE! WE ARE VICTORY! (except you)

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Listen to the same songs for years on end without ever knowing the lyrics because they've been the soundtracks for your daydreams.

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Fall down the stairs, bounce on your ass to the bottom, feel scared, then want to DO IT AGAIN! Get pwned at a game, rage, look at your cat sitting beside you, looking back, and say "What?"

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Create my response for the whole conversation before even having it

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When I drop something, I stand there and watch it fall, I stand still because I'm afraid that I'll maybe mess up something else, instead of picking it up quickly. Am I the only one? ;)

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Change my music to something cooler than the song im listening to when i pass by other kids my age

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play with a knife and pretend to be a master blade wielder

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Whenever you are in a quiet room and are trying to eat a food that is very loud to chew (like chips) you try to chew slowly or alter your chewing style so noone will think your too loud

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When you say bye to someone and keep walking in the same direction, and then its really awkward...

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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i see almost everything as a sign

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Look at the least popular comments just out of interest

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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I masturbate with sandpaper

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Feeling guilty for something you haven't done.

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I have won so many competitions online for things like being the 99, 999th visitor on the site

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Everytime I look at the clock it see so say 4 20 9 11 or 11 11

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I talk to inanimate objects daily.

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Spell Checktells me I spelt something wrong even though I am certain it's right.

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Checking out peoples cars to try and figure out what kind of driver they are.

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when playing games like grand theft auto I drive normally like all the other people in the game when i'm bored

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.