It takes half as long to take a dump if I forget my phone.

Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

Trying not to fart when laughing is challenging.

Whenever people dare accuse me of being too full off myself I tell them. Moral: I cant get to full of myself, the more me, the less you, ALL THE BETTER FOR EVERYONE! WE ARE VICTORY! (except you)

Listen to the same songs for years on end without ever knowing the lyrics because they've been the soundtracks for your daydreams.

Fall down the stairs, bounce on your ass to the bottom, feel scared, then want to DO IT AGAIN! Get pwned at a game, rage, look at your cat sitting beside you, looking back, and say "What?"

Create my response for the whole conversation before even having it

When I drop something, I stand there and watch it fall, I stand still because I'm afraid that I'll maybe mess up something else, instead of picking it up quickly. Am I the only one? ;)

Change my music to something cooler than the song im listening to when i pass by other kids my age

play with a knife and pretend to be a master blade wielder

Whenever you are in a quiet room and are trying to eat a food that is very loud to chew (like chips) you try to chew slowly or alter your chewing style so noone will think your too loud

When you say bye to someone and keep walking in the same direction, and then its really awkward...

I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

i see almost everything as a sign

Look at the least popular comments just out of interest

Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

I masturbate with sandpaper

Feeling guilty for something you haven't done.

I have won so many competitions online for things like being the 99, 999th visitor on the site

Everytime I look at the clock it see so say 4 20 9 11 or 11 11

I talk to inanimate objects daily.

Spell Checktells me I spelt something wrong even though I am certain it's right.

Checking out peoples cars to try and figure out what kind of driver they are.

when playing games like grand theft auto I drive normally like all the other people in the game when i'm bored

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.