Brake for tail-gaters

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I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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I play out romantic scenarios with myself when I'm alone. We're talking full-blown just straight up talking out loud- to myself, of course. It's not that I'm lonely or anything since I did this when I had a boyfriend anyway (just to clarify, it didn't end because of this XD.) I really just feel like doing it because it's really friggin' entertaining. If you've never done it, well... it's basically like being in a really crappy, low budget soap opera, with a plot that doesn't make any damn sense, staring you as every character and the audience. That's basically the only way I could describe it lol.

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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Fire imaginary rocket launchers at passenger planes flying overhead, then panic thinking what if it really blows up?

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I have to look at myself in multiple mirrors before I leave my apartment. Sometimes if I'm alone, I'll walk back and forth between 2 or 3 mirrors about 25 times before I'm content to leave.

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When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

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Wipe my hands on a cold glass to clean my hands

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I sometimes look at a guy and wonder how big their dick is.

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i noticed that a lot of people pronounce "LOL" like roll. Am i the only one that reads it as L. O. L. (el oh el) ????

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realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

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Read something strange and funny that you don't actually do, then say: "whaat?" And lough and everyone around you just look at you not knowing why you're talking to yourself an laughing.

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thinking your pants are wet when you only just sat down for a long time

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Fantasize about shooting one of those trucks that have some sort of liquid in them and watching them blow up.

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my solve media says spare is big but it was space is big

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sometimes when i'm talking to myself and someone walks in the room i have to make them believe what i'm saying is a song!!

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Twice on two different internet super power sites, I posted sdrawkcab epyt ot REWEP eth"... ...Sadly I forgot to type MORAL under them, so they have... several thumbs ups... NERO: In a world of bithes and h0m0f*gs that never understood that my "MORALS" where pure SARCASM!... Oh, I also think I am one of the three hundred guys that gangbang your mother.

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Just think about this. I do. What if we are all a character from The Sims and there is someone controlling us as their character and we never really did anything by our own choice. Creepy.

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when you're texting in class and you realize you are staring at your crotch and smiling.

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Make odd grunting noises and sighs of relief while going #2.

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Only taking half a biscuit because it makes you feel bad and then taking another half of a different biscuit.

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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When a teacher at school leaves a line of pen on the big whiteboard, my attention can NOT be drawn from it.

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Feeling self conscious about breathing to loudly

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.