listen to madonnas new album

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I read these not only for fun, but to feel in touch with my humanity.

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When looking at a digital clock that counts down to seconds, I wait until the seconds are an even number, then I try to say each number in order twice before it changes.

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eating a sandwich with strategically placed bites such that i get the same ratio of crust to tastier non-crust sandwich center in each bite. sometimes i just take two smaller bites of crust and center part so that i don't have to taste mostly bread crust in a mouthful.

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My parents are annoying.

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I look at this site and wonder if the thumbs up are all from people who actually do the same thing, or just people who like that or think it's a funny thing to do.

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Fire imaginary rocket launchers at passenger planes flying overhead, then panic thinking what if it really blows up?

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Skip lines to read faster then get confused by everything for the next 10 pages.

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Thinking about what is nothing and other deep shit when trying to fall asleep.

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get under the covers and curl up into a ball to get warm really fast

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When your talking to a hot girl and then picture her naked with you in bed but then stop thinking about that because you think she can read your mind

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I wonder why the word ISLAND has an "S" in it?

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when i have a head or toothache...i hit it harder thinking it will stop or get better

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when a sex scene comes on the tv i try make up an excuse to go somewhere like i need a drink or a pee.

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Only taking half a biscuit because it makes you feel bad and then taking another half of a different biscuit.

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Put a few bits of toilet paper in the toilet before having a poo so there is no splash!

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sometimes when I'm eating, I eat with the opposite side of my mouth. just to be fair to it.

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While going to sleep, you turn the pillow downside-up several times to find a cooler surface.

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humiliating little girls

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Fart at work when I'm pretty sure no one will come to that area soon.

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Eating chicken at KFC.

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Try to stop thinking but then just start thinking I'm thinking

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Think it's awesome when I look at a clock and it reads the same numbers that my address starts with.

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Remove all the stupid gobbldegook words that the captchas from this site add to my predictive text.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.