I sometimes go out of my way to make sure I have my iPhone with me in the bathroom while taking a poop.

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Touching that door knob three times before opening the door.

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fart and talk thinking it will cover the smell

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Smile like an idiot while reading this site.

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Not wanting to think about something but your brain thinks about it because you are trying not to think about it so much.

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Roll my eyes with them closed when I am annoyed with someone

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Normally I can do a specific task no problem but when someone is watching and I know that they are watching I screw up.

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Walk away in the middle of a sitcom and then play the rest out of the episode in your head while doing something else.

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Sometimes when my teacher calls on me in class I imagine myself saying F**** you and then having the whole class look at me in disbelief

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When someone starts waving and saying hi then I start waving and saying hi even though I have no idea who it is only to realize they are actually waving at someone behind me.

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Start thinking about my blinking and feel that I am blinking weird

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When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

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My bedroom is at the end of the house, so when I turn the light out and sprint to the lounge room, thinking Jeff the Killer could get me...

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When I am drinking coffee and I am nearly finished I swish the coffee to get the last of the sugar

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Hope that one day your closet will have a secret world like Narnia...

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when i pass a grave yard, i am compelled to hold my breath

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When I drive I sing really loud and then when a car come up next to me I pretend I wasn't singing

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Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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Have arguments with yourself about what to wear, where you put that other shoe, whether to get out of bed, etc. Just get up! No, you do it! You're the one who set the alarm! Ughhhhh I hate you!!

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I got a lot of high rated entries, but they dont contain Moral: This.

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When a teacher at school leaves a line of pen on the big whiteboard, my attention can NOT be drawn from it.

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When the vacuum cleaner's going, I try to stay as far away from it and block the noise by shutting doors.

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Tally mark everytime I take a shit.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.