When sitting on the pot I whip and then I feel like I have to crap again.

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It is really difficult for me to lose control of myself

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Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

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Mostly make fun of my best friends but never make fun of just regular friends

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Whenever I'm in the shower, I never close my eyes because I think someones gonna kill me

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Think about breathing...

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Having the tv on always, just for background noise. Doesn't work with a computer/laptop, must be the tv.

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I wonder why people were happy after the last election

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Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

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When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

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I rate certain songs on my iPod higher than others because if someone else is checking out my playlists, I don't want them knowing how much I really love that super cheesy song from the early 90's (even though every time it comes on, I hit repeat at least 3 times and sing aloud as loudly as I think I can get away with. I really, really love that song!).

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think that the NSA is always watching what you do online at any time you are even connected.

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My bedroom is at the end of the house, so when I turn the light out and sprint to the lounge room, thinking Jeff the Killer could get me...

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When i'm in the front passenger seat, I still move my foot like im the one driving...

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When I am drinking coffee and I am nearly finished I swish the coffee to get the last of the sugar

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thinking about how you will never understand who in the world thought it was a good idea to spell "Wednesday" like that

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When walking around a slightly empty store, I walk around and pretend I'm a spy, trying not to be seen.

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When watching television, I give people I don't like the finger

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When buying anything - a book, pint of milk, food, pen - will go to put down the first one you picked up to find a newer one.... Then feel really bad for the other one you put down and go back to that one so it doesn't feel hurt.

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Sometimes when I'm watching a sitcom, I get distracted from the jokes because the characters are in a bedroom and I start focusing on the awesome stuff they have.

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When reading something on the internet highlighting the words, they don't even have to be what you'r reading just highlighting large sections of the article at random.

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Why are the rich so friggin unhappy?

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Wanting to be the Walmart baby model as a kid ^_^

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Smell a fart and don't react until someone else does.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.