Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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Hope that one day your closet will have a secret world like Narnia...

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thinking that everybody in the world (except me) has a device which shows them what i am doing, watching and makes them feel what i am feeling

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If I have a top comment and I see someone else does, I upvote both of ours; friendly competition.

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Sometimes when I'm watching a sitcom, I get distracted from the jokes because the characters are in a bedroom and I start focusing on the awesome stuff they have.

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Why are the rich so friggin unhappy?

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Find that the kettle has recently been used and still contains hot water so decide to have a cup of tea just so that boiling that water wasn't a waste. Think that it might have cooled down by now. Reboil the water.

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Smell a fart and don't react until someone else does.

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If I'm trying to read a clock or bulletin from far away, I instinctively stand and point at it.

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It is really difficult for me to lose control of myself

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When I used to go on car rides at night I would look up at the moon and I would think it was following us.

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Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

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Boinked my neighbor

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Comment on here and wait a few days and see if I got some likes . CMOOON , You do it .

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When bored you watch the minute hand on a clock and try to see if you can see it move

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Make a weird face when taking a picture with a friend, never see the picture, so you try to remake the face you did in a mirror to see how stupid you looked...

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Get bored of regular porn and watch some bestiality just for the variation.

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Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

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At night, everytime when i walk past that curtain lampost, it goes off.

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fart then blame it on the guy next to me realizing theres no one near me and everyone looks at me....awkward

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When I am in class or somewhere boring I start getting thoughts of weird senerios like a group of zombies swamping the place or being hit by an earthquake etc and being one of the surivors. But then i realise that the possibility of that happening is incredibly slim and get depressed. Bananas!

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When I drive I sing really loud and then when a car come up next to me I pretend I wasn't singing

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When I am drinking coffee and I am nearly finished I swish the coffee to get the last of the sugar

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I use my mobile as a torch and keep hitting random buttons to keep it alight.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.