Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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Whenever I'm chewing on gum that has lost its flavor, I extract the gum from my mouth using my fingers before putting it back in so the flavor would return.

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Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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When at someone else's house, trying to use the bathroom, keep a very close eye on the door just to make sure nobody's gonna walk in on you...

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Sometimes when I'm watching a sitcom, I get distracted from the jokes because the characters are in a bedroom and I start focusing on the awesome stuff they have.

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I always feel chinese accents are unintelligent.

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Hearing someone say something but saying "what" because you need more time to think of an answer

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Find that the kettle has recently been used and still contains hot water so decide to have a cup of tea just so that boiling that water wasn't a waste. Think that it might have cooled down by now. Reboil the water.

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Really really happy that resisted getting a facebook or twitter account

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When i was little i used to see people's cars shaking and wondered why they were listening to a song that just goes "BOOM BOOM BOOM"

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Pass wind after i ate lasagna.

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Whenever someone dies I try to guess who will die next so I wont be as shocked

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I sit sideways on the toilet because my bony butt fits better that way.

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only feel the need to click one of the related sites that draws you after youve clicked 'next page'

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when you wave at a car thinking its someone you know and it ends up being some old lady.

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When your at your friends house and they run out of toilet paper, so you sit there like "what do i do now?"

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When you can't hear your friend, but you nodd your head and snicker, hoping it was a joke

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Sometimes if I am by myself at the house or in the car I will act completely insane and absurd. This usually involves me screaming incoherent babble, whole body twitching, making absurd faces and doing this thing where I bite my tongue and shake my head violently. If any normal person saw me they would either think I am having a seizure or currently possessed by Satan.

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Start to pray at night, but get bored and stop in 2 min.

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Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

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See how fast and accurate i can use the fast forward on my dvr and applaud myself when i go full speed and stop 2 seconds before the show is back on.

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When I hear something that I could make a great comeback to (if it was directed towards me), I saw it under my breath just to feel full fiilled

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I like to record the audio from TV shows and movies onto cassette tapes from my stereo, and listen to them on my Walkman while I'm working in the kitchen or around the house.

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Whenever I'm in the shower, I never close my eyes because I think someones gonna kill me

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.