I have a feeling that life is a Video Game for another Universe. When the player looks at their computer screen, they see what I see. They control everything I do. Like The Sims games. Everyone else is either other players in a multiplayer server, or they are are all fake, computer players.

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When walking around a slightly empty store, I walk around and pretend I'm a spy, trying not to be seen.

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Sometimes I won't do something just to see how long it takes before someone else does it (dishes, throw something away, fill the ice cube tray, etc.).

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I never find things funny unless I'm in a completely silent room, and it is then that I think or see something funny and begin to almost cry of laughter.

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when you are on EXCEL file on your computer, you scroll down so far, that it goes to 1000

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check shower for murder then pee

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If I have a top comment and I see someone else does, I upvote both of ours; friendly competition.

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I always feel chinese accents are unintelligent.

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Tally mark everytime I take a shit.

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I'm ridiculously turned on by the scent nail polish.

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When at a red you watch the light real close and as soon as it turns green you try to beat the other cars to the other side of intersection

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If I'm alone, I'll imagine myself as somebody else an start acting as if I'm in a different life, complete with different people and places because in my imagination, I get to control what is going to happen next. Because, my imagination is way better than my reality.

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Spend countless hours looking at cars online I know I'll never be able to afford

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Fantasize about taking over the world, and killing all religious people.

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Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

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Pretending not to hear someone talk to you hoping they wont care enough to repeat themselves so you wont have to talk to them

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Think about breathing...

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I wonder why people were happy after the last election

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When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

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When in a room by myself and I hear someone coming to walk into the room I'm in, I feel an overwhelming urge to hide behind the door so they don't see me first.

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I worry because I keep wondering why I worry.

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Hope that one day your closet will have a secret world like Narnia...

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I always have to know exactly what time it is before I go to sleep, just so I can figure out exactly how many hours of sleep I will get.

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When watching television, I give people I don't like the finger

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.