when a sex scene comes on the tv i try make up an excuse to go somewhere like i need a drink or a pee.

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When the vacuum cleaner's going, I try to stay as far away from it and block the noise by shutting doors.

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When you sit down to use the toilet, start, and then realize that the window is open and people can hear you.You then either search for something to mask the sound or proceed to relieve yourself by making as little noise as possible (ultimately failing)

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I deeply pick my nose with tweezers. It's like the relief of pooping to me.

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I sit sideways on the toilet because my bony butt fits better that way.

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Pass wind after i ate lasagna.

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I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

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I sometimes go out of my way to make sure I have my iPhone with me in the bathroom while taking a poop.

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Whenever someone dies I try to guess who will die next so I wont be as shocked

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Look at every individual line on my hands and see if they are identicle

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Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

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Touching that door knob three times before opening the door.

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Sometimes I cant sleep without something making noise , like a fan .

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Whenever I go to the toilet on an airplane I worry that during the time I'm there the plane will drop out the sky.

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look at bins as i walk past them

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Sometimes I would just be thinking to myself and then think of something funny and laugh but I don't share it with anyone else makes me look insane.

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Every time I walk up the stairs in my own house, I feel compelled to do it on all fours.

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When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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I HATE minecraft gift codes and the morons who post about them. I wish those morons would get off my planet.

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I wonder why the word ISLAND has an "S" in it?

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worry about other people hearing you pee when your in the bathroom.

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When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

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Having gay sex

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.