When the toilet paper falls to the floor, I quickly roll it again so nobody notices it.

thumb_up thumb_down -106

I wonder why people were happy after the last election

thumb_up thumb_down -132

Text random people saying I'm pregnant

thumb_up thumb_down +35

When I'm in the shower, you think of arguments that can occur, then think of good comebacks to say to your opponent. And when it actually does happen in real life, you don't have the courage to say it.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Get bored of regular porn and watch some bestiality just for the variation.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

When you are speaking to someone with a distinct accent and suddenly take on the accent as your own when responding. - Missy Chemick

thumb_up thumb_down -7

when i pass a grave yard, i am compelled to hold my breath

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Watch 30 seconds of a commercial break only to realize it's dvr'd and I could be fast forwarding it.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

I'm a female. Sometimes I pee in the shower just so that I can try to aim my pee at the drain. This way I can imagine what it's like to pee with a doodle.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

i wonder why someone decided to spell words unusually for example why couldn't because be spelt becuz the way it sounds?!

thumb_up thumb_down -27

check shower for murder then pee

thumb_up thumb_down -27

I often think about how I am a thing inside of a body

thumb_up thumb_down -29

While going to sleep, you turn the pillow downside-up several times to find a cooler surface.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

I look behind me and out of my window every 10 minutes while I'm sitting at my desk because I'm scared something's gonna be there.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Hearing someone say something but saying "what" because you need more time to think of an answer

thumb_up thumb_down -33

When I'm laying in bed and I feel my heartbeat, I turn around so I can't feel it because it makes me feel sick.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

i put a empty pack of cigarettes under my pillow and hoped the cigarette fairy would come when i was asleep

thumb_up thumb_down -43

When I used to go on car rides at night I would look up at the moon and I would think it was following us.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Brake for tail-gaters

thumb_up thumb_down -51

look at bins as i walk past them

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Start to pray at night, but get bored and stop in 2 min.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

I feel that there is something sinister going on in government

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Mostly make fun of my best friends but never make fun of just regular friends

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Pretend animals talk to you!

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.