Moisturize "down there" after a really drying wipe session.

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I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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Before getting in the shower, staring at your naked body, thinking your sexy.

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Skip lines to read faster then get confused by everything for the next 10 pages.

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I chew around the center of carrots.

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Walk away in the middle of a sitcom and then play the rest out of the episode in your head while doing something else.

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my favorite singer is Bles Bridges 22/07/1947-24/03/2000

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spank it during my commute if I am in traffic

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Start thinking about my blinking and feel that I am blinking weird

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I have a feeling that life is a Video Game for another Universe. When the player looks at their computer screen, they see what I see. They control everything I do. Like The Sims games. Everyone else is either other players in a multiplayer server, or they are are all fake, computer players.

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See a sexy girl, wanna go up and talk to her....cant think of anything cool to say and afraid of denial. Just me?

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check shower for murder then pee

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Wish that Mexicans would go to their OWN country and stop living tax free in OURS.

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use tweezers to pull out leg hair or armpit hair out of sheer boredom.

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My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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Search for blackheads on your arms for hours just because youre bored!

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I never even met you! Why do you care who I'm talking to?

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I always feel like i have to eat something while watching a movie that I've seen so many times.

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When sitting on the pot I whip and then I feel like I have to crap again.

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Brake for tail-gaters

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Pretending not to hear someone talk to you hoping they wont care enough to repeat themselves so you wont have to talk to them

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I tilt my head back and eat grapes pretending like im a greek god

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I'm not a pessimist I'm a realist.

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When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.