Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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When I need to poop in a public toilet, I poop to the side so there's no plop.

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Whenever I think of something creative or weird, I always wonder if someone thought of the same thing.

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I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

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if im somewhere and say i get a itchy ass,i would say to a friend whilst sctatching " i have the itchyist but whole in the world right now" jokingly. but then think to myself, i wonder if there is someone in the world right now at the same time as me who has actually got a itchyer butt lol

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Make a weird face when taking a picture with a friend, never see the picture, so you try to remake the face you did in a mirror to see how stupid you looked...

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When someone is talking to me and I'm not really listening, when it gets quiet I say 'that's crazy' so they think I'm listening.

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When I am drinking coffee and I am nearly finished I swish the coffee to get the last of the sugar

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The girl I like has just managed to transfer her consciousness into my mind, now being to hear my every thought and see everything I do. Just. Act. Cool.

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Raising your hand in class, and once you're called on, you say, "I forgot."

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I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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Not eat French fries because I don't like the taste rather than because they are unhealthy?

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Playing with a tiny piece of loose skin in the middle of my upper lip.

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Taking the little rings off the top of my bottles.

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Find myself thinking a completely random meaningless sentence as I'm falling asleep with no idea how I got to that thought.

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I am 23 and I still wish the stalk will take back my younger brother

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When people are walking behind me I automatically think they are staring at my ass and get self-conscious.

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Link gross things with porn i.e: Think of really gross things (or friends or family) when fapping to really hot stuff ( the porn becomes ruined)

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Listening to more obscure music in a public place and turning it up in hopes that someone will ask you what you're listening to and you can tell them about it/open their minds.

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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I play video games with the controller under the covers.

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While in bed, I cover my head with my bed sheets because it makes me feel safe from monsters.

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I sometimes go out of my way to make sure I have my iPhone with me in the bathroom while taking a poop.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.