Try to stop thinking but then just start thinking I'm thinking

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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when your doing something or going somewhere you think didn't I already do this, like your back in time.

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I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

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Hold my pen or pencil with two fingers cued against my palm and two fingers sliding up the pen with my thumb in between them.

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Unable to be near my cat without petting her or talking to her.

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Every time I see a pretty girl,the first thing I think is how I'd love to pin her down and tickle her.

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I'll imagine that I'm having a conversation with a celebrity, and either giving them advice or telling them why I hate them and calling them out on bullshit.

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I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

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Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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sometimes when i wipe my nose a booger will get on my hand then ill get to lazy to get it off and wipe it under my chair.

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Leave coins on the floor in the corner when I have a party to see if there is a petty thief around

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Wipe my hands on a cold glass to clean my hands

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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When someone starts waving and saying hi then I start waving and saying hi even though I have no idea who it is only to realize they are actually waving at someone behind me.

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Back away as much as I can from airplane toilets before flushing them because the noise scares me

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When I'm making a weird face, I remind my self to stop before it gets stuck like that.

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Try to do things while waiting for the microwave.

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I always thought Diane Ross sang '76 why don't ya babe, get out my life why don't ya babe'.

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thinking that everybody in the world (except me) has a device which shows them what i am doing, watching and makes them feel what i am feeling

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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Have arguments with yourself about what to wear, where you put that other shoe, whether to get out of bed, etc. Just get up! No, you do it! You're the one who set the alarm! Ughhhhh I hate you!!

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pee when you are dreaming haha lol

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.