sometimes when i wipe my nose a booger will get on my hand then ill get to lazy to get it off and wipe it under my chair.

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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When the toilet paper falls to the floor, I quickly roll it again so nobody notices it.

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after you've been in a fight i usually think up some epic move i could've done instead.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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I have the background on my computer a picture of some cartoon characters,and when I'm alone I talk to the screen like those characters are actually in the room. -Briarwoodninja

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Air guitar to a song of how you think it would be on a Guitar Hero game.

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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When I'm in the shower, you think of arguments that can occur, then think of good comebacks to say to your opponent. And when it actually does happen in real life, you don't have the courage to say it.

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Get bored of regular porn and watch some bestiality just for the variation.

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My bedroom is at the end of the house, so when I turn the light out and sprint to the lounge room, thinking Jeff the Killer could get me...

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When I am drinking coffee and I am nearly finished I swish the coffee to get the last of the sugar

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I always thought Diane Ross sang '76 why don't ya babe, get out my life why don't ya babe'.

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Have arguments with yourself about what to wear, where you put that other shoe, whether to get out of bed, etc. Just get up! No, you do it! You're the one who set the alarm! Ughhhhh I hate you!!

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I pretend to get future messages. Like when I'm about to have a bad subject. I get a message from future me telling present me like 'Oh god. Yeah, brace yourself for science today.'

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I like making subliminal messages (givemeyourmoney)

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I chuckle whenever I hear the phase "Stark raving mad." I don't know why.

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Archer's Pam poovey, Lana Kane and Malory makes me horny

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sometimes when I'm eating, I eat with the opposite side of my mouth. just to be fair to it.

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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CORRECTION, THINGS I KNOW ONLY I DO. OWN YOU ALL HAAAAAAAAAAAARD! Moral: DOUBLE FLAWLESS! EXPLOSION SOUND!

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When I'm walking and I step on a crack with my left food, the next time I step on a crack it has to be my right foot and vise versa. I can't step on a crack twice in a row with the same foot. But I don't have to step on every crack.

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I always feel like i have to eat something while watching a movie that I've seen so many times.

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Look in the fridge 10 times without eating anything

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.