I refuse to imagine good things happening to me, because if I did, it won't come true and I end up being suck at everything.

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I always thought Diane Ross sang '76 why don't ya babe, get out my life why don't ya babe'.

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I put toilet paper in first before i poop, so the water dosent splash me.

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I chuckle whenever I hear the phase "Stark raving mad." I don't know why.

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when im alone i pretend to sniper zombies out my bedroom window

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After eating a sandwich, eat the leftover sesame seeds one-by-one.

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Hold my pen or pencil with two fingers cued against my palm and two fingers sliding up the pen with my thumb in between them.

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I read these not only for fun, but to feel in touch with my humanity.

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Every time I see a pretty girl,the first thing I think is how I'd love to pin her down and tickle her.

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When looking at a digital clock that counts down to seconds, I wait until the seconds are an even number, then I try to say each number in order twice before it changes.

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I'll imagine that I'm having a conversation with a celebrity, and either giving them advice or telling them why I hate them and calling them out on bullshit.

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When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

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filling your mouth with water in the shower and spitting it at the wall.

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When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

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If i've been thinking about a particular person a lot, afterwards if people are telling a story or describing a scenario, I always picture the person I was thinking of before as the person as the main character in their story/scenario.

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when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

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I sit up all night on the computer/xbox then when people ask if i have slept i just lie and say yes to avoid the drama.

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Having the TV turned on when using my laptop or else the silence will make me feel like someone is in my house trying to kill me.

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When bored in School, I like to imagine what I would do at that exact moment if a Zombie Apocalypse started.

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When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

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When I'm in the shower, you think of arguments that can occur, then think of good comebacks to say to your opponent. And when it actually does happen in real life, you don't have the courage to say it.

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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My bedroom is at the end of the house, so when I turn the light out and sprint to the lounge room, thinking Jeff the Killer could get me...

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I use my mobile as a torch and keep hitting random buttons to keep it alight.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.