If people knew what I am really thinking about while they are talking to me... YIKES!

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Rubbing the corners of your lips on the side of your hand and smelling it.

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When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

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When I hear something that I could make a great comeback to (if it was directed towards me), I saw it under my breath just to feel full fiilled

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Every time I walk up the stairs in my own house, I feel compelled to do it on all fours.

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Brake for tail-gaters

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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I kill Solid Snake and masturbate when the Game over screen keeps screaming for my own "snake" "Snake answer me! Snake SNAAAKE!" Me: Answer coming right up and out any moment now! fapfapfap

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don't wash my hands after using the toilet because its a waste of time

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I think of doing something productive, but can't work up the motivation and end up on the internet instead.

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Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

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When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

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Having gay sex

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My bedroom is at the end of the house, so when I turn the light out and sprint to the lounge room, thinking Jeff the Killer could get me...

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Run the shower before you get in/ move out the way of the water to let it warm up first

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Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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I always thought Diane Ross sang '76 why don't ya babe, get out my life why don't ya babe'.

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I often think about how I am a thing inside of a body

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Whenever I'm chewing on gum that has lost its flavor, I extract the gum from my mouth using my fingers before putting it back in so the flavor would return.

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Read posts on this website and realize there are a lot of weirdos in the world.

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moving your hand with objects that are already moving and pretending you have the force.

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Make odd grunting noises and sighs of relief while going #2.

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Put my finger over one pixel of my digital alarm clock, because I know that's the only one that will change in the next minute. Take it off. MAGIC.

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Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.