Naming every pet you've ever owned Peter Jankins

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Made after doomsday plans

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My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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I want to trade bodies and thought processes with my crush, so we could understand each other better.

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When you can't hear your friend, but you nodd your head and snicker, hoping it was a joke

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Feel uncomfortable with the TV volume on an odd number

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Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

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Every time you use a vending machine you hope you get lucky and 2 things drop down.

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Talk out loud so my brother can hear me because no one ever wrote that they can read your minds. And i want him to know ineed him in my life still so I randomly say things out loud to him on accident. People always look at me with hidden shock wide eyed.

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I use the internet to validate that weirdness is not actually weird at all.

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Hold your breath when you go in bridge tunnels and compete against your friends to see who can last longer.

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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fart and talk thinking it will cover the smell

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When I Was Little I Always Slept On My Stomach Even If I Wasn't Comfortable Because I Thought It Would Be Harder For Aliens To Abduct Me.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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I apologize, when i bump against things.

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Sneeze for a few minutes when I've eaten too much.

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You take showers on school morning because you like to stand there under the hot water just thinking about life while your warm

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i put a empty pack of cigarettes under my pillow and hoped the cigarette fairy would come when i was asleep

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I giggle in my head when anyone says duty.

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Sometimes when I'm sitting still I visualize myself being able to move myself using my mind.

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read some comments here and wonder if people really do that

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.