when im alone i pretend to sniper zombies out my bedroom window

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I read these not only for fun, but to feel in touch with my humanity.

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Instead of reading the sunday comics, I read the nutrition facts on the cereal box.

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After brushing my teeth I used to suck the water from it

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Whenever I go to the toilet on an airplane I worry that during the time I'm there the plane will drop out the sky.

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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I hate when my mom hangs my underwear on the clothesline outside.

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Cover the built in webcam on my laptop when I'm using it with a folded piece of paper just in case

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thinking your pants are wet when you only just sat down for a long time

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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I always feel as if someone is always watching me on a screen where ever I am, and every person in the world is also being watched as well

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Having gay sex

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When I am drinking coffee and I am nearly finished I swish the coffee to get the last of the sugar

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Look into your neighbor's house and halucinate someone watching back

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make those little rectangles with your mouse on the computer get so close that they are together and you cant see them and try to move to the left or right, keeping the lines together so you cant see them.

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Sleep in your jeans because you think it feels comfortable in the morning.

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Have arguments with yourself about what to wear, where you put that other shoe, whether to get out of bed, etc. Just get up! No, you do it! You're the one who set the alarm! Ughhhhh I hate you!!

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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I put toilet paper in first before i poop, so the water dosent splash me.

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I think about other women when having sex

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sometimes I can be really tired but when I go to bed I lie there for hours awake

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When buying anything - a book, pint of milk, food, pen - will go to put down the first one you picked up to find a newer one.... Then feel really bad for the other one you put down and go back to that one so it doesn't feel hurt.

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When you are taking a test or anywhere , you remember something funny and you laugh randomly looking like a dumbass then pretend to cough.

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Close all the windows on my computer when parents walk in.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.