If people knew what I am really thinking about while they are talking to me... YIKES!

Rubbing the corners of your lips on the side of your hand and smelling it.

When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

When I hear something that I could make a great comeback to (if it was directed towards me), I saw it under my breath just to feel full fiilled

Every time I walk up the stairs in my own house, I feel compelled to do it on all fours.

Brake for tail-gaters

Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

I kill Solid Snake and masturbate when the Game over screen keeps screaming for my own "snake" "Snake answer me! Snake SNAAAKE!" Me: Answer coming right up and out any moment now! fapfapfap

don't wash my hands after using the toilet because its a waste of time

I think of doing something productive, but can't work up the motivation and end up on the internet instead.

Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

Having gay sex

My bedroom is at the end of the house, so when I turn the light out and sprint to the lounge room, thinking Jeff the Killer could get me...

Run the shower before you get in/ move out the way of the water to let it warm up first

Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

I always thought Diane Ross sang '76 why don't ya babe, get out my life why don't ya babe'.

I often think about how I am a thing inside of a body

Whenever I'm chewing on gum that has lost its flavor, I extract the gum from my mouth using my fingers before putting it back in so the flavor would return.

Read posts on this website and realize there are a lot of weirdos in the world.

moving your hand with objects that are already moving and pretending you have the force.

Make odd grunting noises and sighs of relief while going #2.

Put my finger over one pixel of my digital alarm clock, because I know that's the only one that will change in the next minute. Take it off. MAGIC.

Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.