I deeply pick my nose with tweezers. It's like the relief of pooping to me.

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Try to stop thinking but then just start thinking I'm thinking

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I eat something and read book/newspaper/magazine at the same time. Then i take food crumbs off the book and eat them too.

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I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

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I giggle in my head when anyone says duty.

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I make weird crazy faces at myself in the mirror whenever I leave the bathroom.

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Walk around downtown and spot good camping spots or sniping spots, cause life is a FPS.

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At any time of day, when i'm not busy, someone you know pops into your head and you start talking to them telepathically, but not for long, then you realise that youre just plain crazy? anyone?

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Every time I see a pretty girl,the first thing I think is how I'd love to pin her down and tickle her.

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

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Use a signature that automatically gets me hundreds of red thumbs... Yeah that moral crap...

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Sometimes I pee sitting down and act like i'm a girl.

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Sometimes there is a hair in my butt and then I pull it slowly out. And it feels funny.

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Think about my life as a book when I'm in public, for example "I then walked over to my friend to say hello to him."

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eating a sandwich with strategically placed bites such that i get the same ratio of crust to tastier non-crust sandwich center in each bite. sometimes i just take two smaller bites of crust and center part so that i don't have to taste mostly bread crust in a mouthful.

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Go through a bunch of the boxes with the messed up letters (The ones making sure your not a robot) trying to find one you like. Then, click the refresh button and realize that the last one might have been the best one you were going to get.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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I sit up all night on the computer/xbox then when people ask if i have slept i just lie and say yes to avoid the drama.

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Sometimes I wonder if my life is a dream and oneday I'll wake up as a newborn baby

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When at Burger King, McDonalds etc. I always finish the drink before the food so that I still have the taste of the food in my mouth when I'm finished.

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Read something strange and funny that you don't actually do, then say: "whaat?" And lough and everyone around you just look at you not knowing why you're talking to yourself an laughing.

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Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.