When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

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I only EVER take my watch off if I need tto put on big gloves, like cricket gloves.

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Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Make sudden movements in the mirror to try and catch out my reflection.

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When eating chips I always look at each side before eating it to choose which side will taste better

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touching something (like a crack in a wall) and then thinking to yourself that your the only person thats ever touched it..

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When I am in a bind and I know I need help I just say " I gott this" and things work out

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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When I was younger I'd lay in bed & think about who I would pick if a person told me that I had to choose between 2 people and the 1 that I don't choose will die.

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I think some songs would be better if they didn't put a rap in with them

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I don't like to meet people when I'm well dressed because that's not me all of the time.

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Try to time the traffic light so that when I snap, my light turns green. Always so so close.

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Whenever I drop food on the floor I get my dog to come clean it for me

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When peeing at a urinal, move my stream back and forth the coat as much of the wall as I can.

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when a sex scene comes on the tv i try make up an excuse to go somewhere like i need a drink or a pee.

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At night, everytime when i walk past that curtain lampost, it goes off.

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Log onto facebook, notice a family member is also logged on, and immediately log off before they trap you in a never-ending facebook chat.

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I stick used soap to a new soap so I don't waste it.

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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humiliating little girls

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The only time I seem to look at the clock is when the numbers read my birth date.

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I speak dialogues at home to myself that I could possibly have with people in hypothetical situations. Km

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I just saw the D in Disney for the first time ever. My brain always saw a backwards G. I knew it was supposed to be a D, I just never bothered to fix it. There has been a G there my whole life.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.