I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

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When in the shower hit the plug like a bath then just sit there for a few minutes as the water fills up.

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that movie-like moment when you want to rush out to dance in the rain

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When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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I sometimes look at a guy and wonder how big their dick is.

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Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

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I sleep naked cauz It's dead sexy.

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Constantly hearing your name in public and asking "did you just hear my name?"

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imagine killing someone by accident and feeling really guilty about it.

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Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

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When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

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Having the TV turned on when using my laptop or else the silence will make me feel like someone is in my house trying to kill me.

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Multi task while your brushing your teeth and forget you have a tooth brush in your mouth.

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Waiting alone inside a public toilet for someone to come in and open the door.... so you don't have to touch the handle!

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Sometimes when I'm excitedly hurrying out of the house, I skip for a brief moment.

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wipe your armpit and then sniff it to see how bad you smell

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Make a day of reading posts from Craiglist's Best-Of.

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my favorite singer is Bles Bridges 22/07/1947-24/03/2000

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When I am making toast I spread the butter or jam with a spoon

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When I'm in a car and I hear a song on the radio, I always imagine myself performing it perfectly in front of a crowd even though I know I'd never be able to do that. I've done this since I was very young and still do.

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When an ice cube fall on the floor I kick it under the fridge.

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sometimes i mouth improvised, ridiculous sentences in the mirror to see what i look like when i talk to people

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.