Play with my own boobs for no reason

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Every time I see a pretty girl,the first thing I think is how I'd love to pin her down and tickle her.

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I'll imagine that I'm having a conversation with a celebrity, and either giving them advice or telling them why I hate them and calling them out on bullshit.

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When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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Sometimes I pee sitting down and act like i'm a girl.

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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I have to make a breathing hole for fresh air to come in when I am laying under a hot blanket.

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filling your mouth with water in the shower and spitting it at the wall.

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Sometimes I walk around town and watch peoples TVs through their windows. When they see me and confront me, I try to get a conversation about the show going.

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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Take off the ends of the banana (

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Wipe my hands on a cold glass to clean my hands

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Dilikes the Gangnam Style.

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Sometimes when someone says something to me, I will hear them perfectly clear, but I will instinctively say "what?"

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I sit up all night on the computer/xbox then when people ask if i have slept i just lie and say yes to avoid the drama.

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Laying alone in bed at night and then every single scary thought, face, image, movie, or whatever starts playing in your mind.

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Sometimes I wonder if my life is a dream and oneday I'll wake up as a newborn baby

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When someone starts waving and saying hi then I start waving and saying hi even though I have no idea who it is only to realize they are actually waving at someone behind me.

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If I'm at work and have to poop, when I get in the stall I look under the opening at the bottom for any other feet in the other stalls to make sure I am alone. I always think what if when I do that someone else does it at the same time.

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pretend you have a fishing pole and are reeling in cars to pass them when your in the passengers seat going down the freeway.

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Try to make a turd that touches the bottom of the toilet before it breaks off.

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I refuse to imagine good things happening to me, because if I did, it won't come true and I end up being suck at everything.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.