Drool a lil bit and continue eating...

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I want to hire a private investigator to follow a private investigator who was hired to follow the first investigator.

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Every time I see a pretty girl,the first thing I think is how I'd love to pin her down and tickle her.

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Unable to be near my cat without petting her or talking to her.

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Play with my own boobs for no reason

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Ur mum

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pretend your on the phone talking to someone to make you look like you not a loner

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When your at your friends house and they run out of toilet paper, so you sit there like "what do i do now?"

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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Wish you could delete a post if it gets thumbs down

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Whilst passing a mega dump or room clearer as my brother calls them I come up with songs...sometimes in spanish

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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Boinked my neighbor

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Think about my life as a book when I'm in public, for example "I then walked over to my friend to say hello to him."

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when you are at home doing something then all of a sudden you imagine how you would take down a killer if he came into your home right now. just me?

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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putting your hand in the water in the back of the toilet and thinking its gross toilet water and get grossed out

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Sometimes I wonder if my life is a dream and oneday I'll wake up as a newborn baby

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Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

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Have troubles sleeping when it's hot.

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When bored in School, I like to imagine what I would do at that exact moment if a Zombie Apocalypse started.

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When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

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1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.