When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

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I'll imagine that I'm having a conversation with a celebrity, and either giving them advice or telling them why I hate them and calling them out on bullshit.

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I can only brush my teeth at exactly 7:43 AM...Am I weird?

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Feel really paranoid until my game score is a multiple of 5

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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Mostly make fun of my best friends but never make fun of just regular friends

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Take pieces of loose hair and keep it in a plastic bag in my wallet so if I ever get killed and my ID stolen, my body can still be identified.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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I have to make a breathing hole for fresh air to come in when I am laying under a hot blanket.

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when you are at home doing something then all of a sudden you imagine how you would take down a killer if he came into your home right now. just me?

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Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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you know that when things have only one like on this site, the people who wrote it liked it

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filling your mouth with water in the shower and spitting it at the wall.

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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don't wash my hands after using the toilet because its a waste of time

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Pretend you are turning Super Saiyan when sat on the toilet

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Cover the built in webcam on my laptop when I'm using it with a folded piece of paper just in case

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Nodding while talking on the phone then remembering the person can't see you

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when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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putting your hand in the water in the back of the toilet and thinking its gross toilet water and get grossed out

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.