Tear up when I poop

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When I am making toast I spread the butter or jam with a spoon

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Hope that one day your closet will have a secret world like Narnia...

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Make sure I put the deodorant top back on the correct way -- you know, so the sticker is to the front.

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I used to drive home from my girlfriend's house late at night and stop on a stretch of road to take a leak. I'd walk backwards while peeing, creating a crooked line of pee in the road. I'd add to it night after night, then I'd drive by in the day to see my long pee stain in the road only I knew about. Anyone who passed by could see it, but only I knew what it was. It would last until the next rain and I'd have to start over.

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sometimes when I'm eating, I eat with the opposite side of my mouth. just to be fair to it.

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have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

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LOG OFF OF ICHAT BECAUSE THE PERSON U WERE JUST TALKING TO WENT OFFLINE.

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Turn shower water all the way up hot before getting out because it feels good

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if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

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I read these not only for fun, but to feel in touch with my humanity.

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Imagin what would happen if there was a zombie invasion just at your house.

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Dad, what's that dark place over there? That's Chorley son, you must never go there.

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I kill Solid Snake and masturbate when the Game over screen keeps screaming for my own "snake" "Snake answer me! Snake SNAAAKE!" Me: Answer coming right up and out any moment now! fapfapfap

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put your hands in your bra or pants to keep them warm when you're not in public.

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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Scroll aimlessly through the posts on this website and for some reason, creepily stop and check the comments on the one that has the word "boobs" in it.

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When i was a kid. I really dont care about the story of any animated film. As long as im watching it.

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Delete the whole password when I mess up only the one letter.

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Sometimes I imagine that I am in a coma and all of the things of this world are not real. Then when I wake up from the coma I will be the best inventor of all time.

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Say to yourself "I really should get that work done" then do nothing about it

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I have dreams that I am really rich and wake up to be thankful for my life just the way it is

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Sometimes I blink and act like I am taking a picture with my eyes.

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Keep things on my body equal. ex. Hold something in my right hand so I hold something equally heavy in my left hand.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.