Laying in bed at a friends place with your eyes closed imaging where you would end up if you got up and went to the toilet as if it was your own house.

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I use my magic powers to give shaddy politicians their comeuppance (I don't have any magic powers lol)

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I sniff my finger after I scatch my bunghole lol

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Put my hands together the 'other' way

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When you're scared of the bathroom and you close your eyes you quickly look around to check if there's a monster or something in the mirror

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When I make croissants from the Pillsbury can, I'll take one of the little triangles and eat it, because I like the consistency of dough, and i like the fizzy feeling of the yeast on my tongue.

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Take off the ends of the banana (

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get annoyed when people talk on the phone really loudly in front of the TV, forcing you to mute your show, resulting in you missing half of what the people are saying.

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Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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Half of these posts are all but "things you think only you do". So is mine

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make it a point of interest to know every word to a song that nobody likes. (i.e. call me maybe) >.>

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When the T.V switches to commercial sometimes I forget what I was watching Noel

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Keep trying to defend your point even after you've realized you're wrong in an argument

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When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

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When I'm home alone, I start hearing random noises and think someone is breaking in.

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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I hit the frig after sex

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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When I am bored and home alone, I sometimes try to recreate the most annoying sound in the world from Dumb and Dumber. (P.S. Sorry if this was already submitted, I didn't see it.)

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After eating a banana I leave the last bit that was in the bottom

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turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

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Drop something down the side of the couch, say that you'll get it in a minute and then forget about it

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.