- Things You Think Only You Do

Every time you use a vending machine you hope you get lucky and 2 things drop down.

I rub the ends of my hair because it feels awesome.

LOG OFF OF ICHAT BECAUSE THE PERSON U WERE JUST TALKING TO WENT OFFLINE.

At night, everytime when i walk past that curtain lampost, it goes off.

Waking up @ 4 AM wondering where your pillow went

While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

When sitting on the pot I whip and then I feel like I have to crap again.

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

recycle the peanuts in my poop to make organic peanut butter

Have a dream about somebody being mean to me. Proceed to be mean to them in real life.

Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

Spend countless hours looking at cars online I know I'll never be able to afford

when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

I Masturbate Daily.

I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

I say a word and it feels like it didnt roll off of my tongue right, so I keep mouthing the word and saying it quietly to myself or in my head. Then end up saying it loudly in affirmation, possibly more than once.

resting your head from your face to your hand and then you realize you face now looks disfigured.

Feel really paranoid until my game score is a multiple of 5

sometimes sigh sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

When I'm walking I look up at nothing in particular and it causes everyone else to look up too!

You feel like someone can read your mind so you try not to think about stupid stuff.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.