Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

I can't piss with my shoes on.

Slowly close the fridge door to see when the light bulb turns off.

When eating chips I always look at each side before eating it to choose which side will taste better

I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

Say to yourself "I really should get that work done" then do nothing about it

Have troubles sleeping when it's hot.

I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

wipe your armpit and then sniff it to see how bad you smell

Playing hide-and-seek and finding the best spot ever, only to realize you have to pee

Toss something across the room toward the place it belongs, get excited when it lands upright/ perfectly in place, then immediately regret you weren't recording it.

freak out if poster or pictures eyes are looking at me and can't have pictures in my room of famous people, however if I'm out and scared i have to have the pictures on my phone look at me for safety.....really wondering if any one else has this

when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

Log onto facebook, notice a family member is also logged on, and immediately log off before they trap you in a never-ending facebook chat.

Feels my beard with my tongue.

I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

When reading a book where the main character has the same name as someone I know, I visualize that character in my head as that person.

Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

Close all the windows on my computer when parents walk in.

Have a sudden urge to say "bomb" at an airport.

When I'm around people, I sometimes yell in my head "STOP READING MY MIND! I KNOW YOU'RE DOING IT, SO STOP!" just in case.

If i read or see something good (on tv )the next time i daydream i am always some how involved in it

I can only play a piano with my right hand

I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.