I'm not a pessimist I'm a realist.

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speak proper english

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

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When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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When ever I'm walking up or down stairs, i always have to step on the last step with my left foot.

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My bedroom is at the end of the house, so when I turn the light out and sprint to the lounge room, thinking Jeff the Killer could get me...

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worry about other people hearing you pee when your in the bathroom.

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Think that some minutes feel shorter than others

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Drink out the carton (your whole family prob does it)

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Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

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when i'm at the computer i say out of loud what i'm typing

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When im alone in my car i talk to myself about lifes issues

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Smell my fingers after I pick u pennies or unlock the door with my keys!

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I always write b as d or d as b since I've learned the alphabet, and i hate my keyboarb cuz its on lower case every time.

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Sometimes I blink and act like I am taking a picture with my eyes.

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When I'm laying in bed in the dark and I close my eyes for a while then when I open them again I quickly scan for a light source just to make sure I can still see.

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Wave my hand at automatic doors just as they open pretending that I have Jedi powers

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When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

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When i was little i used to see people's cars shaking and wondered why they were listening to a song that just goes "BOOM BOOM BOOM"

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when you are on EXCEL file on your computer, you scroll down so far, that it goes to 1000

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Feels my beard with my tongue.

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i leave tv on when i sleep...cant close it cause i hate to hear....noices...in my bedroom that cant identify......

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In the summer when it's hot, I bring a fan into the bathroom when I take a crap.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.