When I was younger I'd lay in bed & think about who I would pick if a person told me that I had to choose between 2 people and the 1 that I don't choose will die.

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Cough, whistle or hum while on the toilet for a time, just so anyone outside the door doesn't think I'm mastrubating.

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Try to time the traffic light so that when I snap, my light turns green. Always so so close.

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I don't like to meet people when I'm well dressed because that's not me all of the time.

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I don't know about anyone else but I really felt bad when the Lich killed Prismo in Adventure Time

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Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

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Sleep in your jeans because you think it feels comfortable in the morning.

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when a sex scene comes on the tv i try make up an excuse to go somewhere like i need a drink or a pee.

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Log onto facebook, notice a family member is also logged on, and immediately log off before they trap you in a never-ending facebook chat.

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I stick used soap to a new soap so I don't waste it.

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When I'm laying in bed in the dark and I close my eyes for a while then when I open them again I quickly scan for a light source just to make sure I can still see.

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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When I'm in a car and I hear a song on the radio, I always imagine myself performing it perfectly in front of a crowd even though I know I'd never be able to do that. I've done this since I was very young and still do.

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I used to drive home from my girlfriend's house late at night and stop on a stretch of road to take a leak. I'd walk backwards while peeing, creating a crooked line of pee in the road. I'd add to it night after night, then I'd drive by in the day to see my long pee stain in the road only I knew about. Anyone who passed by could see it, but only I knew what it was. It would last until the next rain and I'd have to start over.

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After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

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When texting someone on the toilet & they ask, "What are you doing?" I respond with, "Oh, just chillin." LOL. -Jade

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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Instead of reading the sunday comics, I read the nutrition facts on the cereal box.

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Videotape my mother in the shower.

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The only time I seem to look at the clock is when the numbers read my birth date.

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blink

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Drink alcohol out of styrofoam soda cups on the bus and train.

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Cringe when remembering something weird about you that happened years ago

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when you pick up something you think is going to be heavy and its like you suddenly have super strength

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.