Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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Slowly close the fridge door to see when the light bulb turns off.

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When eating chips I always look at each side before eating it to choose which side will taste better

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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Say to yourself "I really should get that work done" then do nothing about it

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Have troubles sleeping when it's hot.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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wipe your armpit and then sniff it to see how bad you smell

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Playing hide-and-seek and finding the best spot ever, only to realize you have to pee

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Toss something across the room toward the place it belongs, get excited when it lands upright/ perfectly in place, then immediately regret you weren't recording it.

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freak out if poster or pictures eyes are looking at me and can't have pictures in my room of famous people, however if I'm out and scared i have to have the pictures on my phone look at me for safety.....really wondering if any one else has this

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when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

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Log onto facebook, notice a family member is also logged on, and immediately log off before they trap you in a never-ending facebook chat.

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Feels my beard with my tongue.

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I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

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When reading a book where the main character has the same name as someone I know, I visualize that character in my head as that person.

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Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

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Close all the windows on my computer when parents walk in.

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Have a sudden urge to say "bomb" at an airport.

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When I'm around people, I sometimes yell in my head "STOP READING MY MIND! I KNOW YOU'RE DOING IT, SO STOP!" just in case.

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If i read or see something good (on tv )the next time i daydream i am always some how involved in it

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I can only play a piano with my right hand

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I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.