Wish you could delete a post if it gets thumbs down

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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Sometimes at night, I find myself imagining people I know saying my name, trying to get my attention in my head. They won't stop until I respond out loud.

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Pretend you are turning Super Saiyan when sat on the toilet

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check behind the shower curtain before taking a piss xD E E S

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When I listen to certain songs,it makes me feel awsome :D I listen to alot of LinkinPark -Briarwoodninja

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

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When you look in the mirror, and it ruins your whole day.

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When you're scared of the bathroom and you close your eyes you quickly look around to check if there's a monster or something in the mirror

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When Ive already talked to somebody , I think of things I couldve said to make the converstion better

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eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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I save my files as "askjaskjaks" because I'm too lazy to give them a proper name.

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wipe your armpit and then sniff it to see how bad you smell

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(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

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While trying to sleep I obsess over the little red LED on the TV set which I can't even see unless I lift my head from the pillow.

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I feel that getting a 98 on a test is better than getting a 99.

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When I am making toast I spread the butter or jam with a spoon

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Hang something small in front of the webcam, in case someone is secretly watching me.

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when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.