When im out with my dad in the car i swear traffic lights always seem to go to red when were coming

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has a plastic bag full of plastic bags in your house

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pretend your on the phone talking to someone to make you look like you not a loner

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Picking my nose.

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Hide your I pod when your parents walk in at 12pm and then go back to what ever you were doing when they leave.

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Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

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sometimes when i see a cop cruising around i try and act suspicious to see if they pull me over.

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I kill Solid Snake and masturbate when the Game over screen keeps screaming for my own "snake" "Snake answer me! Snake SNAAAKE!" Me: Answer coming right up and out any moment now! fapfapfap

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WHEN I SHOW YOU A PICTURE ON MY PHONE..DON’T SWIPE LEFT.DON’T SWIPE RIGHT.JUST LOOK. Via: Collection of Love WhatsApp Status

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When you don't have enough money for something, you just take a tiny bit of money from your siblings and parents room at a time so they don't notice any different

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when i listen to music in my earphones, i always pretend its me performing the song to an audience.

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Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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filling your mouth with water in the shower and spitting it at the wall.

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Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

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Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

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realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

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I'm in the middle of a good dream but I wake up and try to go back to sleep to finish it when it never happens.

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Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

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try to get abs by doing the stupidest things

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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Sing along to the radio in the car then stop at a red light when you realize other people can see you more easily.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.