- Things You Think Only You Do

Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

I hold in my shit only because i am soo occupied with my current task.

Not eat French fries because I don't like the taste rather than because they are unhealthy?

Every time you use a vending machine you hope you get lucky and 2 things drop down.

I eat something and read book/newspaper/magazine at the same time. Then i take food crumbs off the book and eat them too.

The only time I seem to look at the clock is when the numbers read my birth date.

Counting down on a digital clock, trying to say "0" just as the time changes.

Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

in the morning when you wake up and take a shower you make weird faces to stretch out and "warm up" your face for the day

have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

See my "double reflection" in 2 mirrors and then get freaked out for a good ten minutes that my usual image of myself is actually the flipped version...

try to rip the top off an Oreo without messing up the cream and then if the cream comes out on both parts not wanting to eat the Oreo because its wrong.

Drink alcohol out of styrofoam soda cups on the bus and train.

Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

I have memorized my drivers license registration number

sometimes sigh sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

Think of something to post but cant put it into words.

When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

I can't piss with my shoes on.

Nodding while talking on the phone then remembering the person can't see you

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.