when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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I have to look at myself in multiple mirrors before I leave my apartment. Sometimes if I'm alone, I'll walk back and forth between 2 or 3 mirrors about 25 times before I'm content to leave.

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When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

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i try to spit onto my line of piss while going to the toilet.

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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When a tooth is very loose,i shake it with my tongue because that pain is relaxing.

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Scroll aimlessly through the posts on this website and for some reason, creepily stop and check the comments on the one that has the word "boobs" in it.

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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Say something in my head, but then wonder if i said it out loud and just didn't realize.

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When your talking to a hot girl and then picture her naked with you in bed but then stop thinking about that because you think she can read your mind

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Wondering if your life is a TV show, and people are watching what you do.

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realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

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When eating chips I always look at each side before eating it to choose which side will taste better

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When you cringe as you walk out of a store because you're paranoid the door will beep...

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When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

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Do a little half laugh, then when someone looks at you, you realise that it wasn't even funny so you pretend to be clearing your throat.

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hover over public toilets and end up leaving a sprinkling of pee that lands uniformly all over on the seat then use a big wad of TP and my foot to wipe down the seat.

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I hit the frig after sex

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Whenever i do something bad to someone I can't stop smiling even though i never wanted to smile in the first place and i feel like people think I'm a terrible person

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never wanting to poop in other houses. You have to use your toilet

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my solve media says spare is big but it was space is big

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1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.