- Things You Think Only You Do

Knowing and feeling that the whole world is out to get me............ And only me......... I know.......... Weird right??????

I eat something and read book/newspaper/magazine at the same time. Then i take food crumbs off the book and eat them too.

I always ask myself "Why am I me?". But have never come up with a good answer.

After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

Instead of reading the sunday comics, I read the nutrition facts on the cereal box.

Unable to be near my cat without petting her or talking to her.

When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

I lift my butt when I'm farting

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wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

Cheak the fridge every 5 minuets waiting for food to just "magicly" appear

Hide your I pod when your parents walk in at 12pm and then go back to what ever you were doing when they leave.

When you have the " If I'm on an elevator and it breaks and is about to crash at the bottom, and I jump up before it does, will I live?" thought.

When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

When you don't have enough money for something, you just take a tiny bit of money from your siblings and parents room at a time so they don't notice any different

After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

Go through a bunch of the boxes with the messed up letters (The ones making sure your not a robot) trying to find one you like. Then, click the refresh button and realize that the last one might have been the best one you were going to get.

Feeling very uncomfortable for days, untill your motivation finally reaches that point when you start learning for the exam.

don't wash my hands after using the toilet because its a waste of time

Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.