Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Say something in my head, but then wonder if i said it out loud and just didn't realize.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

When your talking to a hot girl and then picture her naked with you in bed but then stop thinking about that because you think she can read your mind

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Wondering if your life is a TV show, and people are watching what you do.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

When eating chips I always look at each side before eating it to choose which side will taste better

thumb_up thumb_down +16

When you cringe as you walk out of a store because you're paranoid the door will beep...

thumb_up thumb_down +16

realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

thumb_up thumb_down +16

When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Do a little half laugh, then when someone looks at you, you realise that it wasn't even funny so you pretend to be clearing your throat.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

hover over public toilets and end up leaving a sprinkling of pee that lands uniformly all over on the seat then use a big wad of TP and my foot to wipe down the seat.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

I hit the frig after sex

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Whenever i do something bad to someone I can't stop smiling even though i never wanted to smile in the first place and i feel like people think I'm a terrible person

thumb_up thumb_down -6

my solve media says spare is big but it was space is big

thumb_up thumb_down -8

never wanting to poop in other houses. You have to use your toilet

thumb_up thumb_down -8

1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

I don't like to meet people when I'm well dressed because that's not me all of the time.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Sometimes I think that if we play with dolls, maybe we're just dolls that someone is playing with and creating lives for.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Twice on two different internet super power sites, I posted sdrawkcab epyt ot REWEP eth"... ...Sadly I forgot to type MORAL under them, so they have... several thumbs ups... NERO: In a world of bithes and h0m0f*gs that never understood that my "MORALS" where pure SARCASM!... Oh, I also think I am one of the three hundred guys that gangbang your mother.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Make sure I put the deodorant top back on the correct way -- you know, so the sticker is to the front.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

while I am sitting on the toilet I play with it and waste the toilet paper and of course i just keep flushing it

thumb_up thumb_down -18

When reading a book where the main character has the same name as someone I know, I visualize that character in my head as that person.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Covering the movement sensors with toilet paper on public toilets incase it's a secret camera.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Sometimes hold a piece of chocolate between your fingers until it melts then lick the yummy gooeyness off your fingers

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.