Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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When your talking to a hot girl and then picture her naked with you in bed but then stop thinking about that because you think she can read your mind

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Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

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When eating chips I always look at each side before eating it to choose which side will taste better

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When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

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Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

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Love the natural smell of my dog's paws.

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Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

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whenever i'm holding a kitchen knife, i feel super weird like i'm gonna stab someone.... its not like i would ever do that, but i think about what would happen if i just impaled the person that is standing near me with a huge knife.

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Not likeing something someone posted because you have a secret crush on them and you don't want them to think you check there Facebook too much.

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I'm in the middle of a good dream but I wake up and try to go back to sleep to finish it when it never happens.

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When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

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Whenever i do something bad to someone I can't stop smiling even though i never wanted to smile in the first place and i feel like people think I'm a terrible person

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When receiving instructions from people one on one, whether it's a man or a woman, I wonder what they would do if I kissed them while they are talking.

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Try stick to something but fail in the end

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(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

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Multi task while your brushing your teeth and forget you have a tooth brush in your mouth.

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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I think some songs would be better if they didn't put a rap in with them

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Sometimes when I'm excitedly hurrying out of the house, I skip for a brief moment.

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after brushing my teeth I chew on the granules that are on my teeth

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i leave tv on when i sleep...cant close it cause i hate to hear....noices...in my bedroom that cant identify......

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sometimes i mouth improvised, ridiculous sentences in the mirror to see what i look like when i talk to people

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.