wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

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try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

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Somethings thinking: O God, I love this world.

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start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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imagine a bunch of girls are watching you at home, so you don't look like a dumbass

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Vigorously scratch my head over a black surface and watch the dandruff fall like snowflakes....then eat it.

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When I'm listening to a sad song that relates to my life while I'm walking all alone, I mouth the words and pretend I'm in a music video.

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When I'm watching something interesting on TV, sometimes i realize they I'm making a weird face so i make sure that i make my face go back to its normal position. This way, my face won't get stuck like that

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When you don't have enough money for something, you just take a tiny bit of money from your siblings and parents room at a time so they don't notice any different

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Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

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Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

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Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

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don't wash my hands after using the toilet because its a waste of time

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Thinking about what is nothing and other deep shit when trying to fall asleep.

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click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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that movie-like moment when you want to rush out to dance in the rain

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Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

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Sometimes I walk around town and watch peoples TVs through their windows. When they see me and confront me, I try to get a conversation about the show going.

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Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

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When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.