Glance at your friend beside you, smile to yourself, and think, "I could murder them."

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when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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Sometimes I imagine that I am in a coma and all of the things of this world are not real. Then when I wake up from the coma I will be the best inventor of all time.

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Anytime I walk in anyplace with cracks in the ground (tiled floors, cement squares, etc.) I do my best to avoid stepping on cracks in fear of something happening if I do.

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Only one tissue left in the box... I'll just use toilet paper.

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You think about all the stupid things you did in elementary school and avoid anyone who went to your elementary school in high school.

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browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

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Thinking, "What is wrong with this generation"

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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I have dreams that I am really rich and wake up to be thankful for my life just the way it is

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try to only take one step on each sidewalk square.

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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I find it easiest to read or study while sitting on the toilet.

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brush the dandruff from my eyebrows

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Random strong urge to squeeze immensely cute pet.

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Lay in bed , and think what i could of said while i was talking to my crush or what could of happen.

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I try to not step on the lines on the sidewalk

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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Whenever I go to close the door to my room, I give the wall opposite me a hard, intimidating stare just in case an invisible person was watching me.

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put wood glue on my hand, blow it dry and peel it off to make fake skin

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Tear up when I poop

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When I'm walking on pavement or tiles I always make patterns, e.g stepping on every second tile, stepping a certain amount of times on each bit of pavement

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I don't know about anyone else but I really felt bad when the Lich killed Prismo in Adventure Time

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.