I tend to ignore phone calls, even when I know the phone call could be important.

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Use the toilet shower to wipe your a**, but denies the fact until death for your friends.

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Hoping if I fall asleep on the couch while my family is in the room I dont have a dream about sex and wake up moaning and groaning...

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I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

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Think of someone you love while trying to fall asleep.

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I giggle in my head when anyone says duty.

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Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

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standing at the mall with your group talking, you all decide to start walking to a store, start to follow but half the group stays behind for a few seconds then they start walking, walk a slower pace only to find out that you're in the middle of your split groups e.g. 3 in front 4 behind...dont know which one to merge to......wait for your group to collaborate back together.

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I have memorized my drivers license registration number

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Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

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Being fat

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Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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Whenever I think of something creative or weird, I always wonder if someone thought of the same thing.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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Whenever Terminator 2 is on tv, I become enthralled and can't stop watching even though I've seen it a million times.

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don't wash my hands after using the toilet because its a waste of time

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Stare at something long enough thinking it will eventually move.

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Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.