Every time you use a vending machine you hope you get lucky and 2 things drop down.

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Tell myself that I'm only going for a 20 minute nap and end up sleeping for 1/+ hour(s)...

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After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

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I say that girl's name I have a crush on right before I go to sleep because I want her to be the last thing I think about, and then wake up realizing that it was super creepy... Only to do it again the next night

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Stand on the first floor and look up through the 2nd story railing just to look up women's skirts.

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recycle the peanuts in my poop to make organic peanut butter

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Sneeze for a few minutes when I've eaten too much.

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if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

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Thinking about life as if its just a dream and wondeing if one day your just going to wake up and be like " wtf just happend".....

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Hide your I pod when your parents walk in at 12pm and then go back to what ever you were doing when they leave.

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getting really nervous about random white vans that drive by you.

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Inspect the shower, bath or toilet, then washing it until you believe it is suitable to use.

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Picking my nose.

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Vigorously scratch my head over a black surface and watch the dandruff fall like snowflakes....then eat it.

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rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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make south park refferences every day

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I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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Whenever I think of something creative or weird, I always wonder if someone thought of the same thing.

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When you don't have enough money for something, you just take a tiny bit of money from your siblings and parents room at a time so they don't notice any different

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.