i leave tv on when i sleep...cant close it cause i hate to hear....noices...in my bedroom that cant identify......

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Wanting to change your name to Peter Jankins

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Be a loner at school

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When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

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Opening the fridge door, then trying to accomplish pouring a drink, before the door seals itself forever leaving the cola to the mercy of the outside world.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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When I was a kid and I misbehaved when my dad used to smack me I would put emphasis in my cries to let him think that I got the lesson.

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Only taking half a biscuit because it makes you feel bad and then taking another half of a different biscuit.

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When in a public toilet, I never leave the cubicle until everyone is either out of the room or in their own cubicle.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Counting down on a digital clock, trying to say "0" just as the time changes.

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I eat something and read book/newspaper/magazine at the same time. Then i take food crumbs off the book and eat them too.

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wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

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I have won so many competitions online for things like being the 99, 999th visitor on the site

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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Blow into the shower head when I'm taking a shower to make what sounds like jet noises

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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I make weird crazy faces at myself in the mirror whenever I leave the bathroom.

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Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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Poo really loud

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Somethings thinking: O God, I love this world.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.