- Things You Think Only You Do

see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

Bored. Open refrigerator. Nothing to eat. Open it again five minutes later.

Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

Before I meet someone I've never met before, I think of stuff to say or do to prevent it from being awkward, but when I finally meet them I do none of the things I thought about doing.

send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

sometimes when i see a cop cruising around i try and act suspicious to see if they pull me over.

Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

I can't piss with my shoes on.

that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

I gotta get down of Friday

Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

Put my hands together the 'other' way

as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

Make up a song to yourself.

Say something in my head, but then wonder if i said it out loud and just didn't realize.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.