when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

thumb_up thumb_down -56

use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

thumb_up thumb_down -58

I can only brush my teeth at exactly 7:43 AM...Am I weird?

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

When bored you watch the minute hand on a clock and try to see if you can see it move

thumb_up thumb_down -60

When I post a picture on a Horsehead Huffer site that I made on Microsoft Paint, and it ends up being one of those that never load, I go back on Paint and save it again. Then I repost it, and it works.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

When you have the " If I'm on an elevator and it breaks and is about to crash at the bottom, and I jump up before it does, will I live?" thought.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Think that when you're reading something or watching tv some people somewhere are knowing what your watching or whether or not you understand what you just read so you don't wanna reread it to risk looking stupid.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

thumb_up thumb_down -72

Whenever I think of something creative or weird, I always wonder if someone thought of the same thing.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

when you're walking down the streets and you listen to your iPod, you pretend you're part of the music video for that song and when no ones looking, lip sync to the lyrics, as if the camera man's filming you >.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

when walking i always count how many steps i have taken as i go

thumb_up thumb_down -76

When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down -84

I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

thumb_up thumb_down -130

Sing every word to Bohemian Rhapsody every time you hear it in the most dramatic way possible.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Say something in my head, but then wonder if i said it out loud and just didn't realize.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

When i was a kid. I really dont care about the story of any animated film. As long as im watching it.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Make sudden movements in the mirror to try and catch out my reflection.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.