Sometimes I worry that my life is just someones dream and that I'm not real.

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Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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I sleep naked cauz It's dead sexy.

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When you cringe as you walk out of a store because you're paranoid the door will beep...

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Do a little half laugh, then when someone looks at you, you realise that it wasn't even funny so you pretend to be clearing your throat.

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I wonder if sport games are rigged?

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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When alone and listening to music I pretend that I am the artist and dance around the room like its the music video or I am on stage.

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Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

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Use my phone to see what time it is

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If I'm at work and have to poop, when I get in the stall I look under the opening at the bottom for any other feet in the other stalls to make sure I am alone. I always think what if when I do that someone else does it at the same time.

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When I can't find my phone so I panic and shearch everywhere only to find out it was in my pocket.

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hover over public toilets and end up leaving a sprinkling of pee that lands uniformly all over on the seat then use a big wad of TP and my foot to wipe down the seat.

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TV turned on just so... Makes you not feeling alone or because some other unknown (or) irrational reason.And of course, feeling guilty cause you spending energy and money but still... Most of the time you just don't care.

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Sometimes I think of doing really bad things and smirk, only to later regret even thinking of it and start questioning myself while feeling bad about it.

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When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

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Right after moving to a new place I check my room for hidden cameras.

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Twice on two different internet super power sites, I posted sdrawkcab epyt ot REWEP eth"... ...Sadly I forgot to type MORAL under them, so they have... several thumbs ups... NERO: In a world of bithes and h0m0f*gs that never understood that my "MORALS" where pure SARCASM!... Oh, I also think I am one of the three hundred guys that gangbang your mother.

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When peeing at a urinal, move my stream back and forth the coat as much of the wall as I can.

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Be a loner at school

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.