I pretend that my pillow is the love of my life and kiss it and cuddle it before bed.

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Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

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only read the short jokes on this website

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After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

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You tell your friends that you hate the Rick roll'd song even though you secretly like it.

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Bored. Open refrigerator. Nothing to eat. Open it again five minutes later.

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If I'm in the car looking for an address or a street name I'll turn down the radio. Why?

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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I say a word and it feels like it didnt roll off of my tongue right, so I keep mouthing the word and saying it quietly to myself or in my head. Then end up saying it loudly in affirmation, possibly more than once.

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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Courtesy flush.

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Leftovers are better than the actual meal ;)

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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Feel really paranoid until my game score is a multiple of 5

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Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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I ship Bolin and Korra as a romance and a bromance. Am I weird for doing this?

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I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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When I'm watching something interesting on TV, sometimes i realize they I'm making a weird face so i make sure that i make my face go back to its normal position. This way, my face won't get stuck like that

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When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

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Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

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(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.