Bored. Open refrigerator. Nothing to eat. Open it again five minutes later.

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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I say that girl's name I have a crush on right before I go to sleep because I want her to be the last thing I think about, and then wake up realizing that it was super creepy... Only to do it again the next night

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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I lift my butt when I'm farting

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try to rip the top off an Oreo without messing up the cream and then if the cream comes out on both parts not wanting to eat the Oreo because its wrong.

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Hoping if I fall asleep on the couch while my family is in the room I dont have a dream about sex and wake up moaning and groaning...

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try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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When im out with my dad in the car i swear traffic lights always seem to go to red when were coming

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Imagin what would happen if there was a zombie invasion just at your house.

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Take pieces of loose hair and keep it in a plastic bag in my wallet so if I ever get killed and my ID stolen, my body can still be identified.

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Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

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eat curry and don't complain about its spiciness ...if you're not white

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Think of something to post but cant put it into words.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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sometimes when i wipe my nose a booger will get on my hand then ill get to lazy to get it off and wipe it under my chair.

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I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

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Stare at something long enough thinking it will eventually move.

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Kill Jb without getting aressted.

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Slowly close the fridge door to see when the light bulb turns off.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.