don't wash my hands after using the toilet because its a waste of time

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I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

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Sometimes I worry that my life is just someones dream and that I'm not real.

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When you're scared of the bathroom and you close your eyes you quickly look around to check if there's a monster or something in the mirror

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Take off the ends of the banana (

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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My brother (who is 2 years younger) and I have our own language, consisting of movie quotes and silly stuff we made up when we were little. We speak it with abandon when we're alone, and try as hard as we can to suppress it when we're with a friend. But sometimes some of it slips out, and the friend looks at us like he's the guy who isn't in on the joke; I always get the feeling he or she thinks the two of us are crazy. By the way, if you're the third person in company with two close siblings who are speaking their own secret language, don't ask them to explain or look at them like they're crazy. They're not nuts, and you won't understand, even if they try to explain. Just let it pass.

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Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

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Laugh when something happens to someone, but when the exact same happens to you, you say "Its not funny"

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When bored in School, I like to imagine what I would do at that exact moment if a Zombie Apocalypse started.

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Start thinking about my blinking and feel that I am blinking weird

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play Simpsons episodes in my head...way too often

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <<

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Sing along to the radio in the car then stop at a red light when you realize other people can see you more easily.

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Whenever I go to close the door to my room, I give the wall opposite me a hard, intimidating stare just in case an invisible person was watching me.

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Sometimes while texting or messaging, I enact the physical gestures that accompany what I'm saying as if it were an in-person conversation, even though no one can see me.

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When i'm in the front passenger seat, I still move my foot like im the one driving...

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while I am sitting on the toilet I play with it and waste the toilet paper and of course i just keep flushing it

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Doing something private and think "What if my mom/dad/boss etc. saw me now?"

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When I see a post on this site with a single downvote I start to feel guilty and give the person an upvote because I feel sorry for them.

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Try to stop a stopwatch exactly on 1 second with no extra milliseconds

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do things without turning the lights on and feel like a ninja.

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when u get something right and do a victory dance and the person to u is just like "da hell?"

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When I was younger, I would always try to construct some type of car by using the plastic things from Push-Ups as wheels.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.