Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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I can only brush my teeth at exactly 7:43 AM...Am I weird?

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put your hands in your bra or pants to keep them warm when you're not in public.

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while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

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when walking i always count how many steps i have taken as i go

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When I am bored I look at things and wonder about the people who made them, and at what time they were made, etc. Like whether my Bic pen was made in the morning or the night. Savy.

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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i see things on this site and am secretly glad im not weird like everyone else

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Thinking about what is nothing and other deep shit when trying to fall asleep.

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Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

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Sometimes when someone says something to me, I will hear them perfectly clear, but I will instinctively say "what?"

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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Make sudden movements in the mirror to try and catch out my reflection.

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Constantly hearing your name in public and asking "did you just hear my name?"

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Pee in the shower

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Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

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Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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Glance at your friend beside you, smile to yourself, and think, "I could murder them."

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Think that some minutes feel shorter than others

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I never take drinks into smelly places, out of fear that the smell will somehow get into my drink and contaminate the taste.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.