Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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I like to go out without shoes on hot days and play the floor is lava

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Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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Make fun of someone for something. Then realize you do the same thing

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Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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Thinking epic thoughts like "Man, had a great workout today" just in case someone is reading my mind.

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I chew my ice cream.

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Hate people who don't dress like you because they're not fashionable. Hate people who do dress like you because they threaten your individuality.

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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I like to eat tomato soup and peanut butter sandwiches...its not as gross as it sounds

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Pretend to listen to music, but just do it so nobody talks to me or i simply just ignore them.

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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Sometimes, when I'm at work, I j3rk 0ff in the bathroom. Please tell me someone else has done this????

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When peeing at a urinal, move my stream back and forth the coat as much of the wall as I can.

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It takes me a whole afternoon to write an important/professional email cause i keep thinking about what I should and should not write and it gets so stupidly difficult I take one hour breaks between every sentence.

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i leave tv on when i sleep...cant close it cause i hate to hear....noices...in my bedroom that cant identify......

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when i have a head or toothache...i hit it harder thinking it will stop or get better

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

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When I look at a clear blue sky, I'm convinced that I see little tiny floaty things, and think that I'm seeing air molecules.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.