Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

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Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

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When the font allows it, try to hide the cursor in capital I's.

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Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

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Sometimes hold a piece of chocolate between your fingers until it melts then lick the yummy gooeyness off your fingers

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Tough but loving hands!! Mmm them calluses tho!! ^_^

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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When ever i hear music that i like i imagine im in a fight and i know martial arts with people i dont know

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Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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When a passneger in the car, I sing songs in my head and hope the song is in time with the signs and streetlights as I drive past them.

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Freak out at sudden noises when home alone at night.

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When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.

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in a grocery store, only walking on the colored single tiles the entire time your in there pretending there small cliffs without touching the white one otherwise you fall and fail.

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Going through a lot of Deja Vu lately, it feels like you have another life before this one.

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see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

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When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

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Think of someone you love while trying to fall asleep.

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listen to madonnas new album

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.