Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

thumb_up thumb_down -92

I was the real Stig...

thumb_up thumb_down -96

I thought I was disgusting until I read the top voted things here. Floral: Actually pretty neat.

thumb_up thumb_down -98

as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

thumb_up thumb_down -112

Sometimes I wonder if my life is a dream and oneday I'll wake up as a newborn baby

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Get somewhat worried about myself if I'm thumbed down on THIS SITE.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

When you cringe as you walk out of a store because you're paranoid the door will beep...

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Think that my ice tastes different than my water.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Use my phone to see what time it is

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Have to have a certain light in the bathroom to poop. Also, nobody can be anywhere near me.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Delete the whole password when I mess up only the one letter.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

whenever i'm holding a kitchen knife, i feel super weird like i'm gonna stab someone.... its not like i would ever do that, but i think about what would happen if i just impaled the person that is standing near me with a huge knife.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

When at Burger King, McDonalds etc. I always finish the drink before the food so that I still have the taste of the food in my mouth when I'm finished.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

When I am bored and home alone, I sometimes try to recreate the most annoying sound in the world from Dumb and Dumber. (P.S. Sorry if this was already submitted, I didn't see it.)

thumb_up thumb_down +5

When I'm making a weird face, I remind my self to stop before it gets stuck like that.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

thumb_up thumb_down -1

I always think I have special powers

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Try to do things while waiting for the microwave.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Drop something down the side of the couch, say that you'll get it in a minute and then forget about it

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Sometimes, I wonder why god or the big bang ever existed in the first place and why there is a universe in the first place ... And it makes my brain hurt!

thumb_up thumb_down -11

I mean Diana Ross.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

I fill my bathtub up with marinara and then sit curled up in it and pretend that I am a meatball.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.